davywavy | Singing for England.

I'm not a huge football fan, but even I have noticed that there's to be quite a large competition of the sport in Germany starting in a few weeks. Under normal circumstances I don't really watch the footy - I don't have a team which I follow, or anything like that - but I'll probably watch some of the World Cup. There's a distinct pleasure in watching world-class professionals at the top of their game in any field demonstrate their skills, and I have to admit that my Y chromosome is a sucker for competition in the same way that if a wooly mammoth wandered by outside I'd grab my spear and head out to 'ave the trunky bastard.
Possibly the worst part of the tournament - aside from lobster-coloured dolts honking their car horns and shouting "Engerlaaaand!" at all hours of day and night because we beat Senegal 2-1 - are the inevitable World Cup songs getting non-stop radio play. Such songs range from merely risible (Scotland's 1978 masterpiece "Ally's Tartan Army"*) to the downright pathetic (Ant and Dec's 2002 effort, "On the ball"). I have in the past written the occasional footy song myself, and with the World Cup coming, suddenly I feel all inspired to write an accurate World Cup song for the England team...

"Going out on Penalties", an Anthem for England's 2006 World Cup challenge.

To the tune of Tony Christie's "Is this the way to Amarillo?"

Sha la la lala lalala
Sha la la lala lalala
Sha la la lala lalala

Those three lions roaring
Can't wake me from my snoring
Because while I'm snoozing
The England team keeps right on losing
You can sing for England
The World is at your feet
But it makes no difference
We're still going to get beat.

Is this the way to World Cup Glory?
It's going to be the same old story
Dreaming dreams of World Cup Glory
We're going out on penalties.
Is this the way to World Cup Glory?
It's going to be the same old story
Dreaming dreams of World Cup Glory
We're going out on penalties.

Sha la la lala lalala
Sha la la lala lalala
Sha la la lala lalala
We're going out on penalties

Now that we've lost Rooney
And his teammates say Beckham's a looney
Powder 'tache on Campbell
And Rio's temper's a gamble
With your catchy jingle,
You say we're on the ball
Who'd you think you're kidding?
We're heading for a fall

Is this the way to World Cup Glory?
It's going to be the same old story
Dreaming dreams of World Cup Glory
We're going out on penalties.
Is this the way to World Cup Glory?
It's going to be the same old story
Forget your dreams of World Cup Glory
We're going out on penalties.

Sha la la lala lalala
Sha la la lala lalala
Sha la la lala lalala
We're going out on penalties

^{*We're on the bike with Ally's army/
We're pedalling to the Argentine/
And we'll really shake them up/
If we when the World Cup/
But we won't 'cause Scotland are a useless team.}

Singing for England.

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