davywavy | People will see me and cry.

One of the best things about being a rock star must be the quite outrageous demands you get to make on your contract when you perform or appear at events. Perhaps the most famous contract rider was created by Van Halen in the 1980's, when they used to require an enormous bowl of M&Ms in their dressing room, with all the brown ones removed. In later years, Dave Lee Roth admitted this had been originally included in their standard contract in order to make sure it had actually been read - if brown M&Ms appeared, they knew other things might have been missed as well so the band would check out things like power supply and safety protocols to make sure everything was as it should be.
The notoriety which this demand got them, he said, was co-incidental but welcome.

Most of the time, contract riders are more prosaic and boring. Marilyn Manson requires air-conditioning, gummi bears and a few pints of milk (hardly the paraphenalia of a true satanist, I think. Maybe he brings his own Pentagram), Amy Winehouse demands a mere two litres of vodka, a bottle of Champagne and two (sober) roadies, and the delightfully bonkers Sinead O'Connor is still working through her issues with a demand for a dozen 8X12 glossy prints of the current pope.
As stars get older, the riotous demands of youth get left behind. It turns out that when Ozzy Osbourne performs he no longer demands farmyard animals and booze (but does need a hefty Vitamin B12 injection prior to going on stage) and AC/DC no longer ask for groupies and drugs but instead make do with three full tanks of oxygen (plus masks). Even Van Halen have toned down their rider. No longer do they ask for brown-free M&Ms, a dozen cases of beer and several large tubes of lubricant, but only now that Dave Lee Roths' dressing room be as far away from the rest of the band as possible.

My favourite recent rider was demanded by Mariah Carey when she turned on the Christmas lights in London last week. Amongst her demands were "twenty white kittens" in her hotel room, and "one hundred white doves", which she felt a pressing need to release from the roof of her hotel. I can only assume that she has a thing about sleeping in a room which smells strongly of cat wee.

So, question for the day. You're a rock star. What's your rider?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I did play a recent Baron Munchausen game where someone was made to narrate an attack by the Prussians using orphan cannons.

"Originally designed as a device for facilitating the quick cleaning of chimneys, the orphan cannon was taken from it's peaceable and humanitarian intentions and twisted by our Hunnish foes into something far more dark and terrible."

Loaded with rabid metal-toothed urchins, plucked from the streets of Konisburg, these siege engines had breached the titanic walls of Basingstoke where I was recovering from consumption in the arms of a merry widow.

Sir, I protest. The walls of Basingstoke were plainly (and wisely, in my view) built to keep the inhabitants in, not the Prussians out.
Them bombarding the place was a mercy.

Indeed - the Prussians were prisoners of war who has smuggled the cannons and orpans within an enourmous german cake. As warder of Basingstoke at the time I was required to deal with the issue before the countryside was overrun with the Mad and the Hun. I deployed my mechanical Irishman to the task.

Ah! Suddenly my recent discovery of the Kinderkanonstollenfabrikat just outside Leipzig make a great deal more sense.

People will see me and cry.

Re: MÜNKHÄÜS!!!

Re: MÜNKHÄÜS!!!

Re: MÜNKHÄÜS!!!

Re: MÜNKHÄÜS!!!

Re: MÜNKHÄÜS!!!

Re: MÜNKHÄÜS!!!