People will see me and cry.

[davywavy]

One of the best things about being a rock star must be the quite outrageous demands you get to make on your contract when you perform or appear at events. Perhaps the most famous contract rider was created by Van Halen in the 1980's, when they used to require an enormous bowl of M&Ms in their dressing room, with all the brown ones removed. In later years, Dave Lee Roth admitted this had been originally included in their standard contract in order to make sure it had actually been read - if brown M&Ms appeared, they knew other things might have been missed as well so the band would check out things like power supply and safety protocols to make sure everything was as it should be.
The notoriety which this demand got them, he said, was co-incidental but welcome.

Most of the time, contract riders are more prosaic and boring. Marilyn Manson requires air-conditioning, gummi bears and a few pints of milk (hardly the paraphenalia of a true satanist, I think. Maybe he brings his own Pentagram), Amy Winehouse demands a mere two litres of vodka, a bottle of Champagne and two (sober) roadies, and the delightfully bonkers Sinead O'Connor is still working through her issues with a demand for a dozen 8X12 glossy prints of the current pope.
As stars get older, the riotous demands of youth get left behind. It turns out that when Ozzy Osbourne performs he no longer demands farmyard animals and booze (but does need a hefty Vitamin B12 injection prior to going on stage) and AC/DC no longer ask for groupies and drugs but instead make do with three full tanks of oxygen (plus masks). Even Van Halen have toned down their rider. No longer do they ask for brown-free M&Ms, a dozen cases of beer and several large tubes of lubricant, but only now that Dave Lee Roths' dressing room be as far away from the rest of the band as possible.

My favourite recent rider was demanded by Mariah Carey when she turned on the Christmas lights in London last week. Amongst her demands were "twenty white kittens" in her hotel room, and "one hundred white doves", which she felt a pressing need to release from the roof of her hotel. I can only assume that she has a thing about sleeping in a room which smells strongly of cat wee.

So, question for the day. You're a rock star. What's your rider?

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

"Twenty white kittens" is industry slang for "Boris Johnson in a soapy wetsuit"

[raggedyman.livejournal.com]

*12 bottles of beer from a local (no more than 5 miles away) "micro-brewery"
*A massive hot bath-towel for me to wrap myself in as soon as I get off stage (idea pinched from devalmont
*One room (at least 12 feet square) turned into a ball pit
*10Gig WiFi available at all times

[karohemd.livejournal.com]

I think Lady Starlight's is more ridiculous than Mariah Carey's.

I'd have:
- An assortment of high quality, dark chocolate/s
- An assortment of fresh fruit juices and plenty of bottled water
- fresh fruit
- A jar of Nutella (for afterwards)
- A massage shower and a hot tub in the bathroom
- A good stereo system with an mp3 player socket so I can listen to whatever music I like at the time
- one of those big adaptive swivel chairs with footstool and reading lamp

MÜNKHÄÜS!!!

[godzuki.livejournal.com]

The skull of Richard Whitley filled with tic-tacs that have been licked by Bob Holness.

10 Pommerainians.

3 magnums of Tyxilix.

[morgan303.livejournal.com]

Monica Bellucci.

[zenicurean.livejournal.com]

1) Four bottles of Russkij Standart in ice. Imperia would be best.

2) A smallish orchestra. Whenever I enter a room, I will be announced with a full chorus of Rule Britannia.

3) A large riding horse, preferrably a Baroque horse of some sort, for entering rooms on. Complete with saddle and reins, a sceptre, and a small crown.

4) An assortment of minions, dressed as Torgo from Manos: The Hands of Fate, and conditioned to inform everyone that the "Master will be most displeased". These will fetch whatever food or light entertainment I need, however obscure.

5) Ten packets of breath mints, iron wire, and a large container of Coca-Cola, to be fashioned into a makeshift bomb in case I'm most displeased.

6) I will only speak to management if addressed by an attractive woman in a suit. The presence of several will thus be necessary at all times.

7) A throne, built out of skulls, which doubles as a jacuzzi. It will be placed in my room and furnished with a cooler for the Russkij Standart.

[gnommi.livejournal.com]

Salma Hayek in a bikini. An impersonator will do as long as I can't tell the difference.
Also, an albino python, a mariachi band and a camcorder.

[vulgarcriminal.livejournal.com]

"flowers"= Depeche Mode's request for a lot of drugs.

I would like a lot of flowers and Jacob from Twilight in a guilded cage thanks.

[nicnac.livejournal.com]

A trampoline and an floatation tank - covers either end of the adrenaline spectrum.

[sesquipedality.livejournal.com]

Geoffrey Archer's decapitated head in my dressing room.

I mean it's not likely, but someone just *might*.