Bored, bored, bored.
Dec. 24th, 2004 11:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
davywavyTwas the day before Christmas, and in David’s house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse,
As sat in his office, brow lined with care,
His lips all a quiver, his eyes madly stare,
Was David with budgets and work in his head,
And dreaming of being warm and tucked up in bed.
When out of the window there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.
And to the window I flew mighty quick,
To see an early drunkard being noisily sick.
A large shopping precinct all filled up with chavs,
Using plant pots as dustbins and lamp-posts as lavs,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a black Maria, all set up with riot gear,
With a bunch of coppers, so lively and quick,
To drag drunken revellers off to the nick.
More rapid than eagles the coppers they came,
They whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
"Now, Darren! now, Tracey! now Sharon and Wayne!
Now Colin! now Sandra! Now Tasha and Shane!"
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So from the coppers the townies they flew,
With their Paul Smith shirts, and their WKD Blue.
And so, in a twinkling, they set off at a pace
And gave the good coppers a right royal chase.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down our corridor Kevin came with a bound.
He was dressed all in check, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A twokked bag of goodies he had flung on his back,
His flesh it was pasty, his jaw it was slack,
His cheeks were like roses, his breath was all wheezin’!
(Forty Marlboro a day, that was the reason)
His eyes -- how they squinted – like a weasel when trapp’d
And his BO smelled like someone had crapp’d.
The stub of a fag he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
A wink of his eye and an offer to fight,
Soon gave me to know I hadn’t seen him, alright?
I spoke not a word, but went straight to phone,
I called 999 – his cover was blown,
He turned then to flee, the police gave a cry,
They cuffed him and took him, I waved him good bye.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, except David, the Sh***!"
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse,
As sat in his office, brow lined with care,
His lips all a quiver, his eyes madly stare,
Was David with budgets and work in his head,
And dreaming of being warm and tucked up in bed.
When out of the window there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.
And to the window I flew mighty quick,
To see an early drunkard being noisily sick.
A large shopping precinct all filled up with chavs,
Using plant pots as dustbins and lamp-posts as lavs,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a black Maria, all set up with riot gear,
With a bunch of coppers, so lively and quick,
To drag drunken revellers off to the nick.
More rapid than eagles the coppers they came,
They whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
"Now, Darren! now, Tracey! now Sharon and Wayne!
Now Colin! now Sandra! Now Tasha and Shane!"
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So from the coppers the townies they flew,
With their Paul Smith shirts, and their WKD Blue.
And so, in a twinkling, they set off at a pace
And gave the good coppers a right royal chase.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down our corridor Kevin came with a bound.
He was dressed all in check, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A twokked bag of goodies he had flung on his back,
His flesh it was pasty, his jaw it was slack,
His cheeks were like roses, his breath was all wheezin’!
(Forty Marlboro a day, that was the reason)
His eyes -- how they squinted – like a weasel when trapp’d
And his BO smelled like someone had crapp’d.
The stub of a fag he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
A wink of his eye and an offer to fight,
Soon gave me to know I hadn’t seen him, alright?
I spoke not a word, but went straight to phone,
I called 999 – his cover was blown,
He turned then to flee, the police gave a cry,
They cuffed him and took him, I waved him good bye.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, except David, the Sh***!"
