King John hits out at 'Magna Carta'*
Mar. 9th, 2005 10:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
davywavyKing John today described the Lords of the Realm as being 'soft on terror' after a council at Runnymede denied him the right to imprison men without trial by their peers. "Since the beginning of the crusades, the threat of Mohammedan attacks has grown." Said John. "As I speak, there may be as many as two or three hundred Hashishim in this country, ready to strike at a moment's notice. The only solution is for the King to lock up, at a moments notice, anyone a bit darker than usual or whose English perhaps isn't so good."
Spokesmen for the Palace further pointed out that since John's forebears introduced imprisonment without trial within the Irish colonies, there have been no attacks within the province and Ireland has become a land of peace and tranquillity, flowing with milk and honey. "This simply proves that this 'Magna Carta' is unnecessary," said Blind David of Sheffield, who lost his job after associating with a well-known courtesan last year.
However, Lords were unrepentant, indicating that whilst at times it may be necessary to imprison at short notice, this matter should be left in the hands of the parish Reeve rather than the King.
Palace watchers have commented upon the non-appearance of popular folk hero Robin Hood and his Merry Men during this debate. It is widely believed that had all 17 of the band been present then John's plans could have been scuppered for good. However, a spokesman for Robin issued a statement that the hero had been exceedingly merry at the time after imbibing two gallons of mead with Friar Tuck. "And anyway", added the spokesman. "He's just got Maid Marion up the duff. He can't be everywhere you know. Anyway, King John has adopted many of Robins policies, such as robbing the rich. And the middle-income and the poor, too."
When pressed on when John would start to give to the poor, a palace spokesman said "No comment."
*Yes, I was so irritated that I had to fire up LJ again. Don't worry, I'll be putting it back on the list of banned sites on the server again in short order.
Spokesmen for the Palace further pointed out that since John's forebears introduced imprisonment without trial within the Irish colonies, there have been no attacks within the province and Ireland has become a land of peace and tranquillity, flowing with milk and honey. "This simply proves that this 'Magna Carta' is unnecessary," said Blind David of Sheffield, who lost his job after associating with a well-known courtesan last year.
However, Lords were unrepentant, indicating that whilst at times it may be necessary to imprison at short notice, this matter should be left in the hands of the parish Reeve rather than the King.
Palace watchers have commented upon the non-appearance of popular folk hero Robin Hood and his Merry Men during this debate. It is widely believed that had all 17 of the band been present then John's plans could have been scuppered for good. However, a spokesman for Robin issued a statement that the hero had been exceedingly merry at the time after imbibing two gallons of mead with Friar Tuck. "And anyway", added the spokesman. "He's just got Maid Marion up the duff. He can't be everywhere you know. Anyway, King John has adopted many of Robins policies, such as robbing the rich. And the middle-income and the poor, too."
When pressed on when John would start to give to the poor, a palace spokesman said "No comment."
*Yes, I was so irritated that I had to fire up LJ again. Don't worry, I'll be putting it back on the list of banned sites on the server again in short order.
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Date: 2005-03-09 11:07 am (UTC)Don't say that - I like your posts!
Hehe! I like it! Or should that be, that worries me?!
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Date: 2005-03-09 11:20 am (UTC)I found that particularly annoying, when you try and back an outside folklore hero, you expect him and his merry men to be there when they'll count...
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Date: 2005-03-09 11:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-09 12:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-09 01:27 pm (UTC)And get your mates who are stealing it to do so too?
David
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Date: 2005-03-09 01:28 pm (UTC)Sorry, I missed that.
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Date: 2005-03-09 03:18 pm (UTC);P
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Date: 2005-03-09 05:08 pm (UTC)And now I hear those damn Persians are moving towards Sparta!
Welcome back :)