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Starsky and Hutch (review)
Mar. 22nd, 2004 11:02 amOnce again, Hollywood has pressed the well-thumbed buttons marked 'Remake of popular old series', 'postmodern but affectionate comedy', and 'star vehicle for Ben Stiller*', and the Scriptotron 3000 writing machine has ground gears, emitted a cloud of black, oily smoke, and then produced the script for Starsky and Hutch.
If you've seen the 80's remake of 'Dragnet', then you've seen Starsky and Hutch, only Dragnet is funnier. Seriously; Starsky & Hutch watches like they took the dragnet script, filed the serial numbers off and then took the best jokes out.
So we have: Voiceover opening by obsessive policeman - Check! Amusing partnership of slobbish mifit and obsessive by the book type - Check! Extended sequence of 'comedy' as straight-laced character takes drugs with 'hilarious' results - Check! Villain posing as philanthropist to cover his evil schemes - check! Riotous sequence as mismatched duo stage a drugs raid on the wrong premises with...wait for it...hilarious results - Check!
God knows, it takes real effort to insult my intelligence. I have sat through Highlander II with barely a murmur, but Highlander II is watchable in a mangled-body-after-car-wreck kind of way. Starsky & Hutch is an instantly forgettable nothing of a film, nothing new, no good jokes, nothing unpredictable to spoil the diligently laboured 'gags'. It's not funny. It's not enjoyable. It's not original. It isn't even Bad. It's just there.
That's what I find most insulting about it - I like my entertainment soulless and mass-produced, but Hollywood has finally produced something so bland and pointless that even I have to be irritated.
It is the cinematic equivalent of McDonalds; not nutricious, not nice, but not really nasty either. Just mechanically produced nothing that can be sold at a profit to saps who think that a good marketing campaign means a good product.
*Who wasn't funny the first time, and isn't now.
If you've seen the 80's remake of 'Dragnet', then you've seen Starsky and Hutch, only Dragnet is funnier. Seriously; Starsky & Hutch watches like they took the dragnet script, filed the serial numbers off and then took the best jokes out.
So we have: Voiceover opening by obsessive policeman - Check! Amusing partnership of slobbish mifit and obsessive by the book type - Check! Extended sequence of 'comedy' as straight-laced character takes drugs with 'hilarious' results - Check! Villain posing as philanthropist to cover his evil schemes - check! Riotous sequence as mismatched duo stage a drugs raid on the wrong premises with...wait for it...hilarious results - Check!
God knows, it takes real effort to insult my intelligence. I have sat through Highlander II with barely a murmur, but Highlander II is watchable in a mangled-body-after-car-wreck kind of way. Starsky & Hutch is an instantly forgettable nothing of a film, nothing new, no good jokes, nothing unpredictable to spoil the diligently laboured 'gags'. It's not funny. It's not enjoyable. It's not original. It isn't even Bad. It's just there.
That's what I find most insulting about it - I like my entertainment soulless and mass-produced, but Hollywood has finally produced something so bland and pointless that even I have to be irritated.
It is the cinematic equivalent of McDonalds; not nutricious, not nice, but not really nasty either. Just mechanically produced nothing that can be sold at a profit to saps who think that a good marketing campaign means a good product.
*Who wasn't funny the first time, and isn't now.
