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One Hundred Years Ago Today
Jul. 13th, 2005 11:23 amFrom ‘The Times’, July 13th 1905
Martians protest racial profiling in ‘War on Tripods’.
Days after the centre of London was devastated during an attack by as-yet unidentified War Machines, spokesmen for the Martian community have reacted angrily to ‘racist profiling’ methods being used by the police and military to capture the perpetrators.
“There is no evidence that the three-legged war machines were of Martian manufacture”, said Dagnar zz’Thraxxx, Martian community leader. “The Martian community has brought a lot to Britain, including Red Weed and Black Dust, and it is unreasonable to assume that just because someone slaughtered pathetic humans and drank their blood, it was a member of the Martian community. It might have been Vampires, for example.”
In the wake of the attacks, the Home Secretary has led calls for the introduction of compulsory Identity Papers, claiming that these would help reduce the menace of attacks by War Machines. “For example”, he said. “Anyone found carrying a heat-ray in the High Street would be asked to show their papers, and if their card indicated they were a Martian then the heat-ray would be confiscated by police. This is a matter of public safety.”
In other news, European Warlord Vlad Dracul has angrily rejected Martian suggestions that he might have been behind the attacks. “Just because the Olympics went to London rather than Transylvania is no reason for me to slaughter the firstborn and wade in the blood of perfidious Albion.
“I wouldn’t drink their blood anyway”, he added. “I might get mad cow disease.”
Martians protest racial profiling in ‘War on Tripods’.
Days after the centre of London was devastated during an attack by as-yet unidentified War Machines, spokesmen for the Martian community have reacted angrily to ‘racist profiling’ methods being used by the police and military to capture the perpetrators.
“There is no evidence that the three-legged war machines were of Martian manufacture”, said Dagnar zz’Thraxxx, Martian community leader. “The Martian community has brought a lot to Britain, including Red Weed and Black Dust, and it is unreasonable to assume that just because someone slaughtered pathetic humans and drank their blood, it was a member of the Martian community. It might have been Vampires, for example.”
In the wake of the attacks, the Home Secretary has led calls for the introduction of compulsory Identity Papers, claiming that these would help reduce the menace of attacks by War Machines. “For example”, he said. “Anyone found carrying a heat-ray in the High Street would be asked to show their papers, and if their card indicated they were a Martian then the heat-ray would be confiscated by police. This is a matter of public safety.”
In other news, European Warlord Vlad Dracul has angrily rejected Martian suggestions that he might have been behind the attacks. “Just because the Olympics went to London rather than Transylvania is no reason for me to slaughter the firstborn and wade in the blood of perfidious Albion.
“I wouldn’t drink their blood anyway”, he added. “I might get mad cow disease.”
