CSI: Stevenage

"Morning, Sir"
"Morning, Officer. What've we got?"
"Multiple twokkings sir, plus a break and enter and theft of goods."
"Okay. This is my team. Is the scene hot?"
"Nothing has been touched, sir."
"Right, team! Hot scene, let's find what we can."
"Sir, I've got something!"
"What is it, unrealistically photogenic female assistant?"
"Six empty cans of Stella, four bottles of WKD Blue and a puddle of vomit!"
"Get that sick to the lab, stat!"
"Sir?"
"What is it, male model turned lab assistant ?"
"Two empty boxes of Netto own-brand condoms and a pack of Mayfair menthols, sir"
"So some of the perps are female?"
"Looks that way, sir."
"How many different DNA samples in the used condoms?"
"Upwards of half a dozen, sir."
"Anything else?"
"Yes sir - graffiti on the walls. 'Shaz is a slag', and 'Sex line' with a mobile number."
"That mobile number might be our big break on this case. Call it and get names. The chief has given me 24 hours to crack this case and I want names on this one, understand?"
"Yes, sir!"
"Right, we've got sick, empty containers of cheap fags and alcohol, fabric samples of a rayon/nylon mix and someone has stuck the toothbrushes up their arse. I think we might have a case."
"Excuse me, sir?"
"Yes, officer?"
"What exactly does 'CSI' stand for, sir?"
"Chav Scene Investigation. Why do you ask?"
"Hmn. Thought so, sir"