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Every year, faced with the prospect of their delightful offspring littering up the place during their summer holidays, many parents arrange for their children to go to summer camps of one sort or another. It happened to me when I was younger - packed off to a renovated country house in the middle of nowhere with several dozen other surly twelve year olds for a week of activities like running, swimming, judo and watching Superman III as a treat. Fortunately I planned ahead and took my DnD books with me, meaning that me and the other fat kids got to vanish off at every opportunity and play Isle of Dread.
Looking back, I wonder if I spent my time as constructively as I might have done.
The idea of summer camps has always been bigger in Northern Europe and the USA than in this country; the physical puritanism of hard-line Protestantism has led to a lingering tradition of children being seen and not heard and an idea that fresh air and exercise is a good thing, especially if your child is an asthmatic with Polio. Twenty years ago in the UK there weren't so many options, but it's growing here, now, too.
As well as just the idea of summer activity holidays for your kids, there are specialist ones as well - if your child weighs 200lbs then you can send them to fat camp to have their excess pork trimmed from them by a laughing lunatic with a laser*, for example. If they're a gobby little shit who knows their own rights but nobody elses' then you can send them to 'brat camp' (ha ha). Or if you want them to grow up to be a glassy-eyed pod person, you can always send them to Jesus Camp instead.
What's important in the marketing of these places is that parents are a curious mix of jealous of the safety of their kids but they want rid of them for weeks at a time because they get in the way, and so it is vital that thse camps should sound reassuring. We've had the excellent depiction of Camp Chippewa ("It means 'orphan'") from Addams Family Values, but parents want something that sounds wholesome, fun, an above all safe for their kids, so names like 'Pine Valley Camp' and 'Young Bears Lodge' are de Rigeur. With this in mind, should I ever breed there's one camp whose name alone means that I would never, ever send my child there. It's this one.
*If this isn't really what happens at Fat Camp, I don't want to know.
Looking back, I wonder if I spent my time as constructively as I might have done.
The idea of summer camps has always been bigger in Northern Europe and the USA than in this country; the physical puritanism of hard-line Protestantism has led to a lingering tradition of children being seen and not heard and an idea that fresh air and exercise is a good thing, especially if your child is an asthmatic with Polio. Twenty years ago in the UK there weren't so many options, but it's growing here, now, too.
As well as just the idea of summer activity holidays for your kids, there are specialist ones as well - if your child weighs 200lbs then you can send them to fat camp to have their excess pork trimmed from them by a laughing lunatic with a laser*, for example. If they're a gobby little shit who knows their own rights but nobody elses' then you can send them to 'brat camp' (ha ha). Or if you want them to grow up to be a glassy-eyed pod person, you can always send them to Jesus Camp instead.
What's important in the marketing of these places is that parents are a curious mix of jealous of the safety of their kids but they want rid of them for weeks at a time because they get in the way, and so it is vital that thse camps should sound reassuring. We've had the excellent depiction of Camp Chippewa ("It means 'orphan'") from Addams Family Values, but parents want something that sounds wholesome, fun, an above all safe for their kids, so names like 'Pine Valley Camp' and 'Young Bears Lodge' are de Rigeur. With this in mind, should I ever breed there's one camp whose name alone means that I would never, ever send my child there. It's this one.
*If this isn't really what happens at Fat Camp, I don't want to know.
