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Desert Island DVDs
Jan. 31st, 2008 09:30 amThe idea of Radio 4's Desert Island Discs is a simple one; every week, a guest of the show (usually a celebrity or politician of some stripe) is put in the hypothetical situation of being trapped on a desert island with only their eight favourite records. they're asked which records they'd take and then chat about what each one means to them in between excerpts of the music.
Let us today imagine that the castaway is you, dear reader. With an awful glugging noise your ship is vanishing beneath the waves and you haul yourself up a lonely beach as the sole survivor. Lost and bereft with naught but the bare essentials for life. But wait - what's this? A crate containing a freeplay hand-cranked DVD player and a box of films is drifting ashore from the wreck. At least you shall be entertained during your exile.
But it's not all good news. Opening the box reveals eight of the worst films you've ever seen. Films which, when watched over and again in the coming solitary years, will drive you slowly insane.
Here's mine:
1) Ultraviolet. Milla Jovovitch's Sci-fi/vampire/rebel movie, and very possibly the worst film I've ever seen. When I saw it in the cinema there came a point when I realised I was actually punching myself in the face as an instinctive reaction to watching it.
2) Inseminoid. A Sci-fi action-horror, Inseminoid opens with a lady astronaut being raped by a zombie alien and her day doesn't improve much from there. One of the very few films I have been unable to watch all the way through.
3)Highlander 2: The Quickening. As a student, I used to keep a diary. One day in 1991, the only entry reads "Don't go and see Highlander 2 again." This from a period in my life when I thought Predator 2 and Robocop 2 were good films should tell you all you need to know.
4) Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. Not one of the worst films ever by any means, but the crushing weight of disappointed expectation that falls upon me whenever I hear the words "Meesa Jar-jar Binks!" is enough to ensure I never watch it again.
5) Battlefield Earth. Something of a no-brainer, this one - and adding it to the list was fairly obvious too. John Travolta and L. Ron Hubbard team up to produce a film that's 'so bad it's bad!". I actually own a copy.
6) Butterfly and Sword. I've sat through a lot of chop-socky movies, and this has to be the worst of them all. So bad, I was disappointed that the director didn't walk on at the end and apologise for wasting my time.
7) Batman & Robin. Another film I foolishly spent money watching in the cinema, when someone spoke to me later the same day and asked me what I'd been doing I had already forgotten I'd seen it and had to be reminded. Utterly witless and instantly forgettable.
8) Eraserhead. Some will tell you this is s great film. They're lying. It is dire, unwatchable shite. I've tried to watch it several times and failed every time. I've fallen asleep during it twice.
Your turn.
Let us today imagine that the castaway is you, dear reader. With an awful glugging noise your ship is vanishing beneath the waves and you haul yourself up a lonely beach as the sole survivor. Lost and bereft with naught but the bare essentials for life. But wait - what's this? A crate containing a freeplay hand-cranked DVD player and a box of films is drifting ashore from the wreck. At least you shall be entertained during your exile.
But it's not all good news. Opening the box reveals eight of the worst films you've ever seen. Films which, when watched over and again in the coming solitary years, will drive you slowly insane.
Here's mine:
1) Ultraviolet. Milla Jovovitch's Sci-fi/vampire/rebel movie, and very possibly the worst film I've ever seen. When I saw it in the cinema there came a point when I realised I was actually punching myself in the face as an instinctive reaction to watching it.
2) Inseminoid. A Sci-fi action-horror, Inseminoid opens with a lady astronaut being raped by a zombie alien and her day doesn't improve much from there. One of the very few films I have been unable to watch all the way through.
3)Highlander 2: The Quickening. As a student, I used to keep a diary. One day in 1991, the only entry reads "Don't go and see Highlander 2 again." This from a period in my life when I thought Predator 2 and Robocop 2 were good films should tell you all you need to know.
4) Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. Not one of the worst films ever by any means, but the crushing weight of disappointed expectation that falls upon me whenever I hear the words "Meesa Jar-jar Binks!" is enough to ensure I never watch it again.
5) Battlefield Earth. Something of a no-brainer, this one - and adding it to the list was fairly obvious too. John Travolta and L. Ron Hubbard team up to produce a film that's 'so bad it's bad!". I actually own a copy.
6) Butterfly and Sword. I've sat through a lot of chop-socky movies, and this has to be the worst of them all. So bad, I was disappointed that the director didn't walk on at the end and apologise for wasting my time.
7) Batman & Robin. Another film I foolishly spent money watching in the cinema, when someone spoke to me later the same day and asked me what I'd been doing I had already forgotten I'd seen it and had to be reminded. Utterly witless and instantly forgettable.
8) Eraserhead. Some will tell you this is s great film. They're lying. It is dire, unwatchable shite. I've tried to watch it several times and failed every time. I've fallen asleep during it twice.
Your turn.
