True Stories.

There I was. Recently graduated from a former polytechnic in a social science at the height of the last recession, and nobody wanted to give me a job! It was an outrage. A sure example of The Man keeping me down.

I'm not actually someone who can sit still for long and I soon got bored, so I asked after voluntary work at the local job centre and ended up doing several days a week in the fundraising department of a major hospital. I thought I'd be jangling a tin on street corners, but as I was good with computers and quite funny I ended up writing and designing adverts and helping out with big corporate charity appeals. It was a pretty good job - I even got free food on the days I worked.

One thing that this hospital did was arrange huge events and try and set world records in 'wacky' things - the biggest conga line, that sort of thing - in order to raise sponsorship funds, and one event I was involved in had an expected attendance of ten thousand people. Some corporate, marketing-type presentations were done and sponsorship was gained for the event from Mcvities, who as part of the deal agreed to supply a 'fun size' packet of Jaffa Cakes for every attendee.

The day of the event came and I was wandering round the site in the morning, making sure all was all right and I wandered into the stockroom to make sure everything was Ok in there as well. As I stood there, I heard a click behind me. Someone had noticed the stockroom door standing open and shut and locked it - presumably to prevent theft. I had a moment of panic before I realised I wouldn't be in there long as the sponsorship goodies were stacked in pallets and the event attendees would be along in a while. Plus there was a tap so I wasn't exactly going to die in there.

And then it struck me. I was locked, alone and unsupervised, in a room containing thirty thousand jaffa cakes.

You may be able to guess the rest.

^{X-posted to b3ta.}