The very model of a modern Parliamentarian

I'd apologise to Gilbert & Sullivan, but in all honesty I don't think they'd mind.

I am the very model of a modern Parliamentarian
I never hold opinions either pers’nal nor contrarian,
I toe the line of party, and I vote the way they tell me to
From ID cards to going to war, I know what I’m supposed to do;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with shopping from the public purse,
I understand the new Green Book, for signed expenses reimburse,
About essential living costs I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
But on truth and liberty I’m afraid I’ve not got any views.
I'm very good at working out the maximum expense allowed;
You needn’t think I am at all by pu’b’lic opinion cowed
I’ll even watch and claim the fees for porn that is Hungarian,
I am the very model of a modern Pariamentarian.
I claimed for broken toilet seats and then some ladies underwear;
My flat holds as much furniture as the new James Bond villain lair,
I wangled a big discount and then claimed it all for council tax,
I wrote the rules and I made sure they are so very, very lax.
I can tell undoubted porkie-pies from half past nine ‘til ten to two,
And then break off for lunch and drinks so very kindly bought by you
I’ll fly away to find the facts in Grand Cayman or Timbuctu
How dare you think to question whether I am worth the work I do!
I’ll get my rosebush manicured and maybe add a garden gnome
And charge a new wet room for my agreeable new second home
But still I keep commitment to ideals egalitarian,
I am the very model of a modern parliamentarian.
I went to Brasenose College and I took a first in PPE
I’m surely overqualified to have to buy a lavatory
From NUS to TUC and then to my constituency
I’ve worked so hard to say these words: I never carry cash with me!
It simply isn’t fair to say that all MPs are hypocrites,
You’ve never been elected and so you don’t get the politics;
When it comes to treating with contempt the voter proletarian,
I am the very model of a modern Parliamentarian!