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Is it 'cos I is posh?
Jun. 7th, 2010 10:19 amOver the years, I've had a lot of people assume that I'm posh. "But David", they say to me. "You don't talk like a knuckle-dragging troglodyte and I've never seen a scrap of burberry check about your person. Surely", they add, "you must have been raised in the lap of luxury and had the finest education money can buy?"
At this I usually let my monocle drop into my drink and give such a start that my topper flies from my head with a comical noice like a penny whistle. "Posh?" I reply. "What could possibly have given you that idea, you scrofulous little oik?"
Anyway, a company called Opinium Research has been looking into attitudes towards 'the posh' and 'discovered'* that firstly there's a lot of resentment towards posh folk out there and secondly it's a lot easier to be seen as posh than you might think. In fact, it's so easy to be posh these days that they've even created a quick questionnaire so you can find out for yourself just how snooty you are:
So, my answers:
1) Do I go to the Opera/Ballet?
I have been, but frankly they're bloody boring. I quite like Mozart, but three hours of fat people bellowing over his tunes and my arse goes numb.
2) Do you have a cleaner?
Only someone who has never seen my bedroom could ask that question.
3) Do you wear clothing brands such as Hackett and Barbour?
Of course not. They don't make bespoke suits, and I wouldn't wear branded clothing unless they were paying me to advertise their products.
4) Do you have an interest in Horses/ Sailing?
What, like in Equus? Oh, hang on, no, not really. Ahem.
5) Do you spend over £10 on a bottle of wine?
Never willingly. However, I try to associate with people who do as much as possible.
6) Do you still tell people what school you went to even though you're in your 30s?
Yes, but just so I can underline my working-class-made-good credentials by talking about the years I spent at a comp in a South Yorkshire pit village.
7) Do you shop at Waitrose?
No, Borough Market.
8) Do you say supper instead of dinner?
Actually, try to say both, and as often as possible, please.
9) Do you greet people with a kiss on both cheeks?
It depends on how cute they are, or if I'm trying to get in close to lift their wallet.
10) Do you have an Aga?
I did, but you can get a cream for that sort of thing these days.
11) Do you drink earl grey/specialist teas?
I'll drink anything you put in front of me. I'm not picky.
12) Do you know what prosecco is?
I had to guess at this one from a list of wine/cheese/some fancy specialist ham, and I got it right, so I suppose I do.
13) Do you eat hummus?
Actually, yes, I do. I really like hummus and wensleydale sandwiches.
So I reckon from that I'm not posh! Huzzah! I'm not like one of my public school chums, you snooty** so and sos.
But how posh are you, readers?
*it's not much of a discovery - I mean, it was hardly a secret, was it?
**And usually Labour supporting as well. Why is it so many of the lefties I know went to private schools? Why is it that the biggest fans of state education are so often the people who didn't have one?
At this I usually let my monocle drop into my drink and give such a start that my topper flies from my head with a comical noice like a penny whistle. "Posh?" I reply. "What could possibly have given you that idea, you scrofulous little oik?"
Anyway, a company called Opinium Research has been looking into attitudes towards 'the posh' and 'discovered'* that firstly there's a lot of resentment towards posh folk out there and secondly it's a lot easier to be seen as posh than you might think. In fact, it's so easy to be posh these days that they've even created a quick questionnaire so you can find out for yourself just how snooty you are:
So, my answers:
1) Do I go to the Opera/Ballet?
I have been, but frankly they're bloody boring. I quite like Mozart, but three hours of fat people bellowing over his tunes and my arse goes numb.
2) Do you have a cleaner?
Only someone who has never seen my bedroom could ask that question.
3) Do you wear clothing brands such as Hackett and Barbour?
Of course not. They don't make bespoke suits, and I wouldn't wear branded clothing unless they were paying me to advertise their products.
4) Do you have an interest in Horses/ Sailing?
What, like in Equus? Oh, hang on, no, not really. Ahem.
5) Do you spend over £10 on a bottle of wine?
Never willingly. However, I try to associate with people who do as much as possible.
6) Do you still tell people what school you went to even though you're in your 30s?
Yes, but just so I can underline my working-class-made-good credentials by talking about the years I spent at a comp in a South Yorkshire pit village.
7) Do you shop at Waitrose?
No, Borough Market.
8) Do you say supper instead of dinner?
Actually, try to say both, and as often as possible, please.
9) Do you greet people with a kiss on both cheeks?
It depends on how cute they are, or if I'm trying to get in close to lift their wallet.
10) Do you have an Aga?
I did, but you can get a cream for that sort of thing these days.
11) Do you drink earl grey/specialist teas?
I'll drink anything you put in front of me. I'm not picky.
12) Do you know what prosecco is?
I had to guess at this one from a list of wine/cheese/some fancy specialist ham, and I got it right, so I suppose I do.
13) Do you eat hummus?
Actually, yes, I do. I really like hummus and wensleydale sandwiches.
So I reckon from that I'm not posh! Huzzah! I'm not like one of my public school chums, you snooty** so and sos.
But how posh are you, readers?
*it's not much of a discovery - I mean, it was hardly a secret, was it?
**And usually Labour supporting as well. Why is it so many of the lefties I know went to private schools? Why is it that the biggest fans of state education are so often the people who didn't have one?
