From Russia with Lovers

MI5 headquarters, London.

M: Ah, 007. Come in.

James Bond: You wanted to see me, M?

M: Yes, Bond. Sir down. This is serious.

James Bond: It always is with you, M.

M: Don’t be flippant, Bond. A few weeks ago, the Americans cracked the biggest Russian spy ring since the Berlin Wall came down. It’s been big news, and it turns out that one of the Russians lived in Britain for some years.

James Bond: And?

M: We’re the laughing stock of the international intelligence community, Bond. A Russian spy ring and we completely missed it. There’s a full investigation taking place into how they slipped through the net. Take this woman, for example, Anna –

Bond: Oh! Anna Chapman! Yes, I know her.

M: (Pause)You know her?

Bond: Of course. I was sleeping with her for three, maybe four years.

M: You were sleeping with her and at no point did you realise she was a Russian spy?

Bond: What do you mean? Of course I knew.

M: You knew? How!?

Bond: Well, we had sex and she wasn’t dead in the morning. That’s always a giveaway.

M: So you were having regular sex with a girl you knew was a Russian spy and you didn’t tell anyone? Why the hell not?

Bond: I would have thought the answer to that was obvious, M.

M: Get out of my sight, Bond.