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Reuters, Coruscant: - A major cleanup operation was underway on Coruscant this morning after protests against the New Republic turned violent last week, with incidents of vandalism, arson and force crush being reported. The protesters were young apprentices who took to the streets after the Jedi Council announced plans to raise charges for Padawan learning as part of the austerity measures brought in after the collapse of the Empire. One protester, who declined to be named, said "I've been studying applied Force Choke at the Malachor V Institute of Further Jedology - which is just as good as the Jedi Temple on Coruscant, by the way - and was hoping to become a Rancor Monster Outreach Counsellor. Now I'll miss out on that chance."
Cable-V, the New Republic's chief finance droid, criticised the protesters, saying "Twenty years ago - before the dark time, before the Empire - only those who were strong in the Force entered the Jedi Temple for training. However, thanks to the Emperor extending force training to almost half the population of the galaxy, this has become difficult to achieve. The Empire spent a lot of credits on big vanity projects like planet-sized doomsday weapons and the invasion of Endor, and this has placed a lot of restrictions on what the New Republic can achieve. We've already had to cancel the new Star Destroyers."
When it was suggested that the New Republic might bring in more credits by raising taxes on routes controlled by the Trade Federation, Cable-V muttered "Yeah, that worked out really well last time."
Intelligence reports from the Imperial Remnant suggest that when told of the protests their newly appointed leader, Darth Maulliband, said "Good. Gooood. Let your hatred grow inside you. Reach out with your anger and strike the coalition down! Then your path to the Dark Side will be complete."
Breaking News: Charles Snootles, the son of popular musician Sy Snootles, has been arrested after being holographed using Force Lightning on the Battle of Hoth memorial. Snootles, 21, apologised for his use of Dark Side powers on a major monument and said "I didn't recognise it for what it was, because I was always too busy watching Cash in the attic when the Rememberance Parade was on the other channel."
Most people remember his father, Sy Snootles, for his epic masterpiece The Wall, which commemorates the time Han Solo was made into one in Jabbas Palace.
Cable-V, the New Republic's chief finance droid, criticised the protesters, saying "Twenty years ago - before the dark time, before the Empire - only those who were strong in the Force entered the Jedi Temple for training. However, thanks to the Emperor extending force training to almost half the population of the galaxy, this has become difficult to achieve. The Empire spent a lot of credits on big vanity projects like planet-sized doomsday weapons and the invasion of Endor, and this has placed a lot of restrictions on what the New Republic can achieve. We've already had to cancel the new Star Destroyers."
When it was suggested that the New Republic might bring in more credits by raising taxes on routes controlled by the Trade Federation, Cable-V muttered "Yeah, that worked out really well last time."
Intelligence reports from the Imperial Remnant suggest that when told of the protests their newly appointed leader, Darth Maulliband, said "Good. Gooood. Let your hatred grow inside you. Reach out with your anger and strike the coalition down! Then your path to the Dark Side will be complete."
Breaking News: Charles Snootles, the son of popular musician Sy Snootles, has been arrested after being holographed using Force Lightning on the Battle of Hoth memorial. Snootles, 21, apologised for his use of Dark Side powers on a major monument and said "I didn't recognise it for what it was, because I was always too busy watching Cash in the attic when the Rememberance Parade was on the other channel."
Most people remember his father, Sy Snootles, for his epic masterpiece The Wall, which commemorates the time Han Solo was made into one in Jabbas Palace.
