What not to write in the visitors book of a holiday cottage.

I have spent an highly relaxing and extremely flatulent week in this delightful cottage. Although when I arrived the windows were open and the atmosphere was not to my tastes, after I sealed the doors and windows it took me only a few days to reach my preferred stuffiness. By Tuesday I had imparted a rich aroma to the settee which I doubt will clear for some weeks and within a short time after that the paint had begun to peel from the walls. Although I did not leave the cottage for seven full days, I can recommend the food from the restaurant on the High Street which offers home deliveries - however, judging from their reaction when I opened the door you may have difficulty getting them to come back.

All in all, a lovely vacation and I hope you enjoy the ambience of the cottage as much as I did.