Prime Minister's Questions.

What with Andy Coulson getting arrested and the spotlight falling on No.10's other media advisors, Dave Cameron must be in need of some new blood over there to give him decent advice on how to answer questions in order to avoid getting into hot water. Someone who can teach him to tell the absolute truth whilst avoiding actually saying anything.

So I've sent my CV.

But if I were the PM's media advisor right now, with PMQ's coming up tomorrow, what line would I be telling him to spin?

Call-me-Dave: Gods, Davy. It's PMQs tomorrow and Milliband is bucking the trend by having something - anything at all, actually - to attack me with. What do I do?
Davy: Is this the Andy Coulson/news International/ Rebekah brooks stuff?
Call-me-Dave: Yes. It's close to me, Davy. Worryingly close. I've started biting my fingernails again.
Davy: Did you know about it? The phone hacking stuff?
Call-me-Dave: Of course I did, but I can't admit that.
Davy: Who told you?
Call-me-Dave: Rebekah and Andy did, of course. Who else?
Davy: Not Steve Hilton or one of your other advisors?
Call-me-Dave: No, I got it from the horses mouth.
Davy: That's easy then. Don't deny having known about it, and don't tell anyone how or when you found out. Instead, tell everyone how shocked you were when you learned, and how disappointed you were that your closest advisors and friends didn't tell you this important information. Then move onto the enquiry and the innocent until proven guilty stuff. Easy.
Call-me-Dave: That's good, but what if Milliband keeps coming?
Davy: Don't worry too much about that. You're in luck because Gordon Brown has got involved in the debate with all the grace and decorum of an epileptic tuba. He's flailed around, made up a lot of crap and made a complete tit of himself; so all you have to do is equate Milliband's position with Brown's. Muddy the water between them and show their positions are the same.
Call-me-Dave: Gosh, yes. Brown is political poison to the Labour party and anyone he's linked to.
Davy: Quite so.
Call-me-Dave: So wheel out the old "Son of Brown" line?
Davy: Nah, that's old news; you've used it before. I'd recommend calling Brown Milliband's 'mentor'.
Call-me-Dave: Oh, good one.
Davy: So ask Milliband if he stands by his mentor in his inaccurate attacks on the Sun and the Sunday Times, for example. Either he stands by Brown and looks a tit, or he publicly disavows his position. Or - most likely - he doesn't answer the question, in which case hammer at it. That way he looks either a moron, disloyal or evasive, any of which undermines his position.
Call-me-Dave: Genius! I shall bounce into PMQs with a spring in my step.
Davy: Send the cheque to the usual place.