Another post about food. One track mind, that's me.

"You really ought to eat more fruit and veg", she said to me, eyeing my huge bowl of pancakes, cream and chocolate sauce.
"The heck are you talking about?" I asked. "This is right healthy, this is. Pancakes are make from flour, which is made from grain and I'm pretty sure that's a vegetable of some sort. Cream? Cream is make from grass and water, so that's totally one of my five a day. And chocolate? Chocolate is a bean, and beans are way healthy. Noted for their cardiac properties." I scooped another dollop into my mouth.
"Cream is one of your five a day? Have you even looked at what counts as your five a day?"
I considered this whilst I wiped cream off my face. "Actually", I said, "No."

So I did.

Looking at the government's 'five a day' website, I've got admit that I was surprised by the sheer volume of vegetative matter you might have to consume to meet the guidelines. Some vegetables are better than others, obviously - stuff like kale you only need a little - but others you need more. A lot more. I was especially stuck when I noticed that 1 portion of your five a day is "Eight cauliflower florets".

Eight.

That's forty cauliflower florets in a single day for your full allocation.

A quick headcount at the greengrocers informed me that forty cauliflower florets is pretty much three entire cauliflowers and ever since then I've have had this terrible urge. It's like a story by Edgar Allen Poe, or maybe The Enigma of Amigara Fault. The hapless protagonist learns of some dangerous/creepy/bloody stupid action and is then wracked by an awful temptation to perform it despite knowing what the effects will be.
In this case, I know what the effects will be - nobody will talk to me for a day and I'll get a seat to myself on the train.

But... eating three entire cauliflowers in a day. It draws me with a horrible gnawing power.