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Sense of security
May. 14th, 2012 12:01 pmReading the paper the other day, I came across the story of a London-based chap who'd recieved a letter from the army informing him that that roof of the block of flats he lives in will be used to station an anti-air missile battery during the Olympics. For reasons I cannot even begin to comprehend, his reaction to that wasn't "This is just so cool, can I have a go, please?". Instead he was in fact complaining. Complaining!God alone knows what his problem was. If the army wants someone to volunteer to have astoundingly dangerous ordnance on their roof during the Olympics, I'll be fisrt in the queue. I've tried and I'm not actually physically capable of thinking of anything at all cooler than having missiles on your roof for shooting baddies.
Volunteer? Hell, I'd pay.
Anyway, with that in mind, I got to thinking of other security measures they might take during the Olympics which would not only make London safer, but also more awesome.
Ninjas on the tube
With the tube being a common target for bearded nutters with a grudge and some peroxide, what is clearly needed is a silent and invisible deterrent who can strike unseen at any threat before vanishing back into the shadowed tunnels. Forget classic fights like Pirates vs. Robots. I predict the conflict on everyone's lips in 2012 will be Ninjas vs. Terrorists. Underground.
Boris Johnson with a death-ray
Now he's seen off one appalling threat to London and got re-elected, what is clearly needed is for some sort of science-based weapon to be mounted on the front of Bozzer's bike so he can obliterate any Cads, Rotters, Scoundrels, or Ne'er-do-wells he might encounter whilst cycling round to some girl's flat.
Airships
As East London was protected by blimps during the blitz, so some sort of dirigible-based defense will clearly be needed again during the Olympics, just in case any of the less-sane end of the political spectrum decide to try and ruin the 4x400m relay semi-final by crashing something airborne into it. If these airships were manned by women dressed like Dejah Thoris out of the recent John Carter film, it would be a massive boost for both morale and tourism.
Volunteer? Hell, I'd pay.
Anyway, with that in mind, I got to thinking of other security measures they might take during the Olympics which would not only make London safer, but also more awesome.
Ninjas on the tube
With the tube being a common target for bearded nutters with a grudge and some peroxide, what is clearly needed is a silent and invisible deterrent who can strike unseen at any threat before vanishing back into the shadowed tunnels. Forget classic fights like Pirates vs. Robots. I predict the conflict on everyone's lips in 2012 will be Ninjas vs. Terrorists. Underground.
Boris Johnson with a death-ray
Now he's seen off one appalling threat to London and got re-elected, what is clearly needed is for some sort of science-based weapon to be mounted on the front of Bozzer's bike so he can obliterate any Cads, Rotters, Scoundrels, or Ne'er-do-wells he might encounter whilst cycling round to some girl's flat.
Airships
As East London was protected by blimps during the blitz, so some sort of dirigible-based defense will clearly be needed again during the Olympics, just in case any of the less-sane end of the political spectrum decide to try and ruin the 4x400m relay semi-final by crashing something airborne into it. If these airships were manned by women dressed like Dejah Thoris out of the recent John Carter film, it would be a massive boost for both morale and tourism.
