Football

During PE lessons back when I as at school they used a particularly cruel system of social Darwinism to select teams for football practice. What would happen is that the teacher would pick two captains, and then the two would take turns to select people to play for their teams. The first to be chosen would be the fit, lithe ones who were actually good at footbal. Then they'd take the middle-rankers who at least liked the game, until at the end you'd end up with the ones nobody really wanted standing round in a miserable huddle whilst the captains agonised over who would be the least worst choice; the blind kid, the one who'd had polio and was in a leg brace, and the lumpy, misshapen boy who smelled odd and everyone was a bit scared of.
Eventually one would choose the lumpy kid in the vague hope that if they told him to stand in front of the other teams' goal the ball might bounce off him and go in.

I've always sort of assumed a similar process is how Wayne Rooney gets picked to play for England.

Anyway, 'cos I always post this during footy tournaments:

To the tune of Three Lions:

It's staying abroad,
It's staying abroad,
It's staying,
Football's staying abroad

It's staying abroad,
It's staying abroad,
It's staying,
Football's staying abroad

Everyone seems to know the score,
They've seen it all before,
They just know,
They're so sure,
That England's gone and thrown it away,
Gone and blown it away,
And we know they can’t play,
'Cause I remember...

Three Lions on a shirt,
We always take a bruising,
Thirty years of hurt,
Never stopped us losing.

So many jokes, so many sneers,
But all those oh-so-nears,
Wear you down,
Through the years,
But I still see the hand of God,
And when Waddle missed,
Glum faces on the squad,
And Gazza pissed...

Three Lions on a shirt,
We Always take a bruising,
Thirty years of hurt,
Never stopped us losing.

It's staying abroad,
It's staying abroad,
It's staying,
Football's staying abroad

It's staying abroad,
It's staying abroad,
It's staying,
Football's staying abroad