Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.

I'm one of those odd people who still buys music. I buy it off amazon, and sometimes I even go into a shop, select CDs I want and take them to a counter to pay for them, which gets me regarded suspiciously by the assistants because I'm usually the only person in there not nicking stuff.

Given the ease of nicking stuff, the reason I do this is largely philosophical; if someone produces work which I like enough to want to own it, then it makes sense to pay them for it so they'll keep doing it. I've got to admit that I do have music that I've nicked as well so I am a bit of a hypocrite, but I'll put my hand up and say yes, I nicked it, it's theft, and if I were genuinely honest and consistent I'd've paid for it. I'm not going to pretend that I'm in any way justified in helping myself those times I have. Unlike some people.
Which brings me on to this spectacular article linked to by rssefuirosu* yesterday, which seeks to argue that if you pirate music and games then you aren't pirating or being in any way dishonest, you're just taking it for free. Read it. It's hilarious. If I may quote the most lolworthy part of it: Then the internet happened, and capitalism shuddered.... If you wanted something for free you could have it. Piracy suggests villainy of some kind, when in truth all that punters are doing when taking something for free is "taking something for free". It's like lifting a leaflet, or taking one of those samples of cheese from Tesco's deli counter. It's what people do. There's no malice in it.

Now, on first reading, it might seem just like a mealy-mouthed self-justifying screed written by someone with plenty of entitlement and no self-awareness, but you'd be wrong. What it actually is is the Best Philosophy Ever, and one which I intend to live by from now on. You see, when you help yourself to other people's stuff you're not nicking it and there's no malice in it, you're just taking it for free. Clearly there's a difference.

Now, given that most of the most ardent downloaders and filesharers I know also tend to be lefties who believe in things like welfare and socialised healthcare, this attitude gives me the ammo I need to get away with, well, anything I like really. You see, when I lie about my employment status to get the dole, I'm not a benefits cheat, I'm just taking the welfare state for free. And when I decide my money is better off in a trust fund in Guernsey rather than being paid into the treasury, I'm not avoiding tax. I'm taking the NHS for free.

Frankly, this is just awesome. I'm going to have so much fun with this one.

Oh, and that time with your girlfriend? I wasn't having an affair with her, I was just taking her for free.

^{*Who I would be a great deal happier with if he'd taken a moment to use a LJ name I could spell.}