Classics updated - Oliver Twist

Child as he was, he rose from the table; and advancing to the master, basin and spoon in hand, said: somewhat alarmed at his own temerity:
'Please, sir, I want some more.'
The master was a fat, healthy man; but he turned very pale. He gazed in stupefied astonishment on the small rebel for some seconds, and then clung for support to the copper. The assistants were paralysed with wonder; the boys with fear.
'What!' said the master at length, in a faint voice.
'Please, sir,' replied Oliver, 'I want some more.'
'Well, um, okay', said the master. 'Here you are.' He added more to Oliver's basin.
Oliver glared at him. 'Right-wing bastard' he said, before turning on his heel and going back to his seat.

[Politics] David Cameron promises referendum on Hokey-Cokey.

In a much-trailed speech this morning, Prime minister David Cameron has announced a firm commitment to seeking a repatriation of Britains' left leg from the centre of the circle. Mister Cameron said that whilst he retained a commitment to the circle the current policy of left leg in had little support in the United Kingdom, and it was possible that the country might wish to see other alternatives including putting the left arm in, or even withdrawl of the left side entirely and putting the right arm or leg in instead. "Once we have spoken to our Hokey-Cokey partners we will put a referendum to the British people on our future involvement of our left leg in the dance."

Many European countries have been scathing of the annoucement, with German Foreign Minister Guido Westerwelle saying he rejected any possibility of the British renegotiating. "The British think they can have their left leg both in and out. That is not the case. It is in or out. I repeat, In, out, in, out". However, some smaller nations like Sweden and Croatia have been cautiously optimistic, suggesting that a commitment by the British to put their right arm in would probably be acceptable so long as they agreed to keep handing over money for everyone else's drinks.

*Stop press* Labour leader Ed Milliband has issued a statement confirming that he is currently shaking all about on the isue and will comment soon, although he's delighted that David Cameron gave him the opportunity to avoid any mention at Prime Minister's Questions that unemployment has fallen again.