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Lib Dems propose new “top hat” tax
Feb. 19th, 2013 10:16 amIn a move seen as an attempt to create clear policy differentiation between them and their Conservative coalition partners, the Liberal Democrats today proposed a new tax on “The sort of things rich people like to own.”
When pressed for details, a spokesman for the Libdems said “Seeing as how spending waaaay more money that the government has got worked out so splendidly when Gordon Brown tried it, we remain determined to pursue this policy in future. Unfortunately people won’t lend us money any more as they’ve got wise to the fact they won’t get it back, so we’re just going to have to come up with new ways to take it off people instead.”
The policy was drawn up after months of careful research by Nick Clegg and Vince Cable reading old copies of The Beano and realizing that rich people always seem to own top hats, monocles, fob watches, big fat cigars, and wallets stuffed with tenners which they conveniently drop when the plot demands it. “Under these proposals, tax inspectors would be granted powers to enter people’s houses and see if they own any of these items. And if they do, well, we’ll come up with a figure that seems fair and then take that much money off them”, said Vince Cable at a press conference earlier today. “And if George Osborne could see his way clear to dropping his wallet outside the Bank of England, that’d come in handy as well”, he added.
Critics of the proposals have pointed out that they don’t know whether rich people own top hats and big cigars, but one thing you can be damn certain they do own is a passport and bank account somewhere Nick Clegg doesn’t have jurisdiction.
*Breaking news* The Liberal Democrats have abandoned their plans for a “the sort of things rich people like to own” levy, describing it as “An early stage discussion document” after the proposals for a tax on top hats, monocles and big fob watches rapidly became known as the “steampunk tax”.
When pressed for details, a spokesman for the Libdems said “Seeing as how spending waaaay more money that the government has got worked out so splendidly when Gordon Brown tried it, we remain determined to pursue this policy in future. Unfortunately people won’t lend us money any more as they’ve got wise to the fact they won’t get it back, so we’re just going to have to come up with new ways to take it off people instead.”
The policy was drawn up after months of careful research by Nick Clegg and Vince Cable reading old copies of The Beano and realizing that rich people always seem to own top hats, monocles, fob watches, big fat cigars, and wallets stuffed with tenners which they conveniently drop when the plot demands it. “Under these proposals, tax inspectors would be granted powers to enter people’s houses and see if they own any of these items. And if they do, well, we’ll come up with a figure that seems fair and then take that much money off them”, said Vince Cable at a press conference earlier today. “And if George Osborne could see his way clear to dropping his wallet outside the Bank of England, that’d come in handy as well”, he added.
Critics of the proposals have pointed out that they don’t know whether rich people own top hats and big cigars, but one thing you can be damn certain they do own is a passport and bank account somewhere Nick Clegg doesn’t have jurisdiction.
*Breaking news* The Liberal Democrats have abandoned their plans for a “the sort of things rich people like to own” levy, describing it as “An early stage discussion document” after the proposals for a tax on top hats, monocles and big fob watches rapidly became known as the “steampunk tax”.
