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There was a knock at the door.
May. 13th, 2013 11:14 amI bounded downstairs with the grace and agility of a 220-lb gazelle and swung it open to reveal a policeman standing there.
Now when presented with an unexpected policeman, my brain likes to supply the very worst things I could possibly say. "You can't prove a thing!", I barely restrained myself from saying, not quickly followed by "It was like that when i got there!" and "I do have an evil twin, you know?". I expect the police are used to people doing a sharp double-take and restraining themselves from saying things which might go badly for them because he gave me a moment to gather my errant wits.
"Err. Yes?" I said.
"I was just checking to make sure everyone in the house was all right, sir."
That was unexpected. I ran through a quick mental checklist. Corpses in the bathtub? No. A six year old in the cellar? No, I don't even have a cellar. A couple of abductees chained up in a makeshift cage? Well, beyond mine and the she-David's normal relationship, no.
"I think so, why?"
He indicated the ground and there, directly on my doorstep, was a large puddle of coagulated blood with a trail of smeared drops leading either to or away from it. I looked at the puddle. There was quite a lot of blood. More than, for example, you might get if someone were punched on the nose or if a fox nabbed a pigeon.
"Well, bless me" I said, or words to that effect.
He looked in though the door at the floor of the hallway which, I was pleased to note, was neither stained with gore nor obviously freshly washed. "You're sure that everything is... all right, sir?"
It's my curse. I'm incapable of not looking guilty, which is a real hindrance when i'm trying to lie about why I've got home at 3am smelling of booze and lipstick but at least comes in handy getting extra work on Crimewatch. "Everything's fine, officer", I replied, avoiding eye contact, rubbing the side of my nose and shifting my feet uncomfortably. I crossed my arms. "Just fine".
"Oh well then, sir. Mind how you go". And off he went, following the trail of blood down the road.
Now when presented with an unexpected policeman, my brain likes to supply the very worst things I could possibly say. "You can't prove a thing!", I barely restrained myself from saying, not quickly followed by "It was like that when i got there!" and "I do have an evil twin, you know?". I expect the police are used to people doing a sharp double-take and restraining themselves from saying things which might go badly for them because he gave me a moment to gather my errant wits.
"Err. Yes?" I said.
"I was just checking to make sure everyone in the house was all right, sir."
That was unexpected. I ran through a quick mental checklist. Corpses in the bathtub? No. A six year old in the cellar? No, I don't even have a cellar. A couple of abductees chained up in a makeshift cage? Well, beyond mine and the she-David's normal relationship, no.
"I think so, why?"
He indicated the ground and there, directly on my doorstep, was a large puddle of coagulated blood with a trail of smeared drops leading either to or away from it. I looked at the puddle. There was quite a lot of blood. More than, for example, you might get if someone were punched on the nose or if a fox nabbed a pigeon.
"Well, bless me" I said, or words to that effect.
He looked in though the door at the floor of the hallway which, I was pleased to note, was neither stained with gore nor obviously freshly washed. "You're sure that everything is... all right, sir?"
It's my curse. I'm incapable of not looking guilty, which is a real hindrance when i'm trying to lie about why I've got home at 3am smelling of booze and lipstick but at least comes in handy getting extra work on Crimewatch. "Everything's fine, officer", I replied, avoiding eye contact, rubbing the side of my nose and shifting my feet uncomfortably. I crossed my arms. "Just fine".
"Oh well then, sir. Mind how you go". And off he went, following the trail of blood down the road.
