Ed Milliband "totally fine" with not being invited to join Bilderberg Group.

As the Bilderberg Group - a shadowy organisation rumoured to control the destinies of continents - convened in Copenhagen for its annual meeting, Ed Milliband said he was "not bothered" about not being invited.

Speaking from a Little Chef on the M3 where he was struggling with an Olympic Breakfast, the Labour leader said "I have more important things to do than join their rubbish smelly conspiracy for global domination"
"I didn't want to join anyway."

The Group, which is composed of senior figures from finance, government, industry, royalty and the military from around the world, began their week-long meeting behind closed doors today. In the past, figures including George W. Bush, Bill Clinton, Tony Blair and David Cameron have all been invited to attend before they were elected, a move seen by some as proof of the Bilderberg's power.

"Why would I want to go?" asked Milliband, clumsily trying to slice an egg and getting yolk on his tie. "I've got lots of more interesting things to do. In fact, I don't care, so there." Reciting in a nasal monotone from a series of cue cards he added "Austerity, Tory toffs, thatcher, broken Britain, cost of living crisis, Cameron's chums, Eton", before dropping his fork and knocking the ketchup over. "Me and my best friend Ed Balls can do loads of cool stuff and hang out anyway. It'll be lots more fun than being a member of their stupid club.
"Ed? Ed? Has anyone seen Ed?

"Oh God, he's there, isn't he?"