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In response to suggestions by Labour, the LibDems and UKIP that they would engage with an "Empty Chair" if David Cameron didn't attend pre-election leaders debates, the empty chair has confirmed that it will be too busy to take part.
"I've got better things to do", said that chair in a statement. "Whilst I understand that Nick Clegg, Ed Milliband and Nigel Farage have plenty of time on their hands, I am very busy supporting the hard-working bums of Britain."
"The chair is frit", said Nigel Farage, tellingly using a turn of phrase which has been archaic for decades. "Frit, I say", he continued, compounding his error. Labour leader Ed Milliband attacked the chair for "not having a leg to stand on", and then was rendered speechless and unhappy when a spokesman for the chair got a loud laugh by responding that it actually had four.
Of the three, LibDem leader Nick Clegg was the most stinging in his rebukes of the chair. "What the voters of Britain need to realise is that we don't need the chair. I have spent five years in government just standing round. I haven't needed a chair in all the years I've spent hanging round outside David Cameron's office hoping for a quick chat about electoral reform, and we don't need one now. So there."
At time of writing the empty chair was reported to be propping a door open, which observers remarked made it more useful and a better candidate for Prime Minister than any of the other three challengers.
"I've got better things to do", said that chair in a statement. "Whilst I understand that Nick Clegg, Ed Milliband and Nigel Farage have plenty of time on their hands, I am very busy supporting the hard-working bums of Britain."
"The chair is frit", said Nigel Farage, tellingly using a turn of phrase which has been archaic for decades. "Frit, I say", he continued, compounding his error. Labour leader Ed Milliband attacked the chair for "not having a leg to stand on", and then was rendered speechless and unhappy when a spokesman for the chair got a loud laugh by responding that it actually had four.
Of the three, LibDem leader Nick Clegg was the most stinging in his rebukes of the chair. "What the voters of Britain need to realise is that we don't need the chair. I have spent five years in government just standing round. I haven't needed a chair in all the years I've spent hanging round outside David Cameron's office hoping for a quick chat about electoral reform, and we don't need one now. So there."
At time of writing the empty chair was reported to be propping a door open, which observers remarked made it more useful and a better candidate for Prime Minister than any of the other three challengers.
