Bloody Foreigners

[davywavy]

Back in October 2001 I went to Burbank, California. This involved an internal flight from LA to Burbank and as we boarded the tinny little plane the pilot came on the intercom and thanked us, in the light of recent events, for being brave enough to fly.
"Huh", I muttered to my companion. "The IRA have been bombing London for years, and nobody has ever thanked me for being brave enough to use the tube."

Anyway.

Yesterday morning began like any other day in Davy Towers. I rose with the dawn, springing forth from my bed like a young gazelle, filled to the brim with the joy of another day sat in my office. As usual, I crossed London, and passed through Kings Cross.
About fifteen minutes before someone bombed the tube, as it happens.
There's nothing too amazing about that, in real terms. About 200,000 people can say exactly the same thing at that time in the morning and I'll bet everyone who lives in London has a story which is similar. I didn't give it much thought at the time - but it is the sort of thing that you dwell upon over time, you know?
Still, I don't seem very dead, but I hear that thirty-seven other people are. However, things already seem to have returned pretty much to normal - the most obvious after-effect for most people is that their commute is going to be screwed up for a while.

In the midst of that, there's a lesson to be lerned here. This is likely a well-coordinated attack, by a globally linked terrorist organisation. The planning that will have gone into this, timed as it was on the first day of the G8 summit, must have been careful and long in construction. This is the very best they can do, their big statement, thier best shot. There was even a suicide bomber, they say. Well, the best thing about suicide bombers it they're hardly going to do it twice and they're not exactly a renewable resource. And the end result? They've made a lot of people late for work for a few days. According to Al-Queda, I'm currently 'burning with fear'; they're wrong. I'm not. I'm a bit irritable.
We, as in the Western social and cultural hegemony, can conquer a heavily militarised nation in about two weeks flat. In reply to this our greatest enemy, the ones being demonised in the 'War on terror', can make us late for work for a bit.
They aren't a credible foe. They've already lost. We don't need a 'War on terror' to defeat these people - at most, we need a 'bit of a kicking on terror'. These people don't need a war against them. They need an ASBO.
In fact, I'm rather taken with that idea. Instead of 'War on terror', let's have an 'ASBO on terror'. It's likely to be just as effective, and a great deal funnier.
There are all kinds of theories going round the 'net about what was the cause of all of this; people blaming the invasion of Iraq, US foreign policy in the 1980s blah blah blah. If you take that to its logical extreme, you have to blame US foreign policy in the 80's on Soviet policy in the 70's, which was a reaction to US policy in he 60's, responding to Soviet and Chinese policy in the 50's and so on ad infinitum.
The real cause is that a bunch of dolts who haven't figured out yet the beards don't get the girls and think that female circumcision is just right for the 21st century reckon they'll get more girls in the next life than this one. Well, I suppose in that assumption they're about half right.

Of course, Tony Blair will seize upon this like Jenna Jameson seizing upon an engorged...um, well, he's going to seize on this very enthusiastically to back up his calls for ID cards. Like ID cards are going to have the words 'Suicide Bomber' stencilled on them so the authorities will know who they shouldn't be letting on the bus. Eroding civil liberties from a stance on the backs of the dead just pisses me off.

Still, I'll be pootling off home tonight, and I'll be getting the tube. I don't expect anyone to congratulate me for my bravery though.

Comments

[borusa.livejournal.com]

There's a great quote on that LJ that everyone's been linking too.

"I've been blown up by a better class of bastard that this."

[vulgarcriminal.livejournal.com]

These people don't need a war against them. They need an ASBO.

Yep. I'd like to see them try this shit in Salford. Perhaps we could lock up the 'secret society of jackass Muslim extremists with tiny balls' and some Chavs as punishment? Would probably be more effective. My money is on the Burberry.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Start the campaign now! ASBO on terror!

[silver-blue.livejournal.com]

Like ID cards are going to have the words 'Suicide Bomber' stencilled on them so the authorities will know who they shouldn't be letting on the bus.

See, now - that would be a good idea. :)

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Like I say. ASBO on terror. It's the way to go.

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Indeed; best quote I've seen since.

That plus someone saying

"Londons been brought to it's feet, not it's knees."

[vulgarcriminal.livejournal.com]

We need t-shirts.

*gurgle*

[blue-cat.livejournal.com]

Oh yes!

I love all 3 of those quotes!

[kikayume.livejournal.com]

I did think about you and godzuki (even though I don't think he's anywhere near London) yesterday. I'm glad you're ok. :)

[inskauldrak.livejournal.com]

that's brilliant!

I would be in work today only the Uber-Boss told everyone who didn't live locally 'not to bother' on the grounds that no-one expected the Tube to be up and running... and therefore I didn't bother checking tyravel news this morning (though my voicemail does have my home number so I am technically working today)

Even after yesterday, when the driver in on our train from Canada Water this mornng announced we were being held in the tunnel because of a suspect package on the train in front, people's reaction was to look a little disgruntled at the delay.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

My point exactly. The general reaction towards this bunch of global terrorists has been much the same as the bunch of teenagers supping White Lightning down at the bus stop tend to get: "Oh, fuck off you little wankers".
ASBO on Terror. Sign up now.

[nadriel.livejournal.com]

If there are ever t-shirts, I'll buy one!

ASBO - Oh no...

[angelusmorbidum.livejournal.com]

In Barnsley the local police tried to give a quadralegic kid an ASBO for "hanging around near the shops"... he mother said "she wasn't going to stop him... as it was the only place in the village he had easy access to meet his friends and it wasn't like he was kicking a ball at the windows or anything..." Press coverage changed the mind of the police..... I wonder why...

Re: ASBO - Oh no...

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

But if he'd been trying to blow the shops up an ASBO would have been in order, I think.

[inskauldrak.livejournal.com]

consider me signed up!

If you do want to do T-Shirts btw, I can probably ask nicely for copies of the relevant paperwork for use as background off of one of my councillors.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

If you could get tehe relevant paperwork anyway, it'd be pretty cool as Cam-game handouts :)

[flywingedmonkey.livejournal.com]

Cracking stuff. Sign me up for the campaign!
JmC
"Do bugger off" on terror

[vulgarcriminal.livejournal.com]

For you:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/vulgarcriminal/237088.html#cutid1

[the-maenad.livejournal.com]

That is so going to metaquotes.

[durtysanchez.livejournal.com]

It's good to see that you are ok.

[scarletdemon.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but no, but yeah, officer. I wasn't getting on the bus right? I only looked on there because Mustafa was down the back snogging Fatima and she had my ankle bracelet, because she got it off Kareema, who was there when I lost it in the alley behind Boots. I know I've got dynamite round my waist right but that is a SLIMMING treatment that my Doctor said I should do and he should know because his wife was well fat and then she died by getting trapped in the revolving door at Bluewater. And Islam, right? I don't even like it and I'm not a suicide bomber because I'm not right and Oh my Allah...I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST SAID THAT!!!!

[greebotrill.livejournal.com]

Well said. I have to say that I know you lot will be fine. Hell, you've weathered much worse than this in the past.

IMHO, the US sometimes are a bunch of big whiners considering we've been hit by outside forces exactly twice that I can recall.

My biggest worry yesterday was everyone being safe. I miss you silly folk. Not to mention, you owe me a pint :-)

Which leads us to...

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

The only suicide bomber in the village.

Re: Which leads us to...

[scarletdemon.livejournal.com]

Hahaha! "I'd like a suicide bomber memory game"..."Have you got something a bit less extremist?".

Re: Which leads us to...

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

We sell things for suicide bombers in this shop. We've got TNT and dynamite and dresses and hats and everything a suicide bomber could want.

[greebotrill.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah. As another aside, I recall that convention and the argument that ensued from it. I want you to know I always supported your position and still do. You've got a really good way of thinking about things. To be honest, I gained a lot of respect for you that night.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Michelle - that's really made me smile.

[greebotrill.livejournal.com]

I'm glad I could be of service sir. I've become rather fond of you over the years. I just wish we had more cause to talk and/or visit.

Re: Which leads us to...

[scarletdemon.livejournal.com]

Hahaha! OK, I know we could do the whole of Little Britain but we'll only confuse your international readership. :D

[adventink.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to see you're alive and well. A co-worker who's a London native was telling me that the general area around Kings Cross to Liverpool St has a lot of publishing houses so I was a bit worried.

Everyone seems to want to immedietly blame the Islamic terrorists, but I think we're all overlooking a very possible suspect. No it's not a new IRA cell and no it's not a lot of anti-G8 hippy liberals.

I think it just may have been the French. Angry at losing the Olympic bid, couldn't they have had a plot too? I'm also thinking it could have been tennis star Serena Williams who's pissed off at losing Wimbleton.

Just a thought...

Re: ASBO - Oh no...

[susanofstohelit.livejournal.com]

... this confused american says...

what's an ASBO? I have a feeling this thread would be even more entertaining if I knew what people were talking about.

Re: ASBO - Oh no...

[vulgarcriminal.livejournal.com]

Anti Social Behavior Order.

Basically if some cunt won't stop playing their stereo at two AM or decides to sic their pit bull on you, they get one. It's the new 'in' Labour crusade.

Re: ASBO - Oh no...

[hiromasaki.livejournal.com]

From what I can tell, it's about the equivalent of an official notice of being a git.

Then again, I'm a confused Ohioan myself.

Re: ASBO - Oh no...

[applez.livejournal.com]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asbo

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chav

[silanah.livejournal.com]

just flying on thro' via metaquotes. This has had me in fucking stiches for a good 15 minutes.

I'd also pay good money for a t-shirt :)
N

[flywingedmonkey.livejournal.com]

Dude,
I have linked this piece in my journal- hope you don't mind!
JmC
Tea-leaf

[silveraj.livejournal.com]

heh. excellent....

[elbly.livejournal.com]

Don't know you from Adam, but I'm hear to support the ASBO and subsequent t-shirt campaign!

Where do I sign?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

flamma_lupus will be starting the sell T-shirts in the next few days - I'll be posting a link then!

[manywaters.livejournal.com]

Hello. I'm bringeroflight's friend and I'm writing a paper about the different philosophies regarding terrorist attacks between the US and UK. Would you mind if I quoted and cited this entry for my paper?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I'm flattered to be asked, but could you give me a little more idea of context?

[manywaters.livejournal.com]

Well, the deadline passed so I had to turn it in - I'd been frothing at bringeroflight while trying to tie it all together and give it a bit more of a less dry and academic flavour, and he shot me the link. The premise was to look at how the UK has adapted to the threat of terrorism as a threat in daily lives and how legislation, infrastructure and general public sentiment reflect that, with an eye towards how it may be a case study for potential American long-term adaptation to terrorism.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Shame - I'm mostly off email at weekends so I only got this this morning. There's a lot more general phlegmatic blitz spirit attitude in the UK than in the US, where people seem generally scared.

There's a couple of other posts as well which actually became memes for a while - I've recieved both of these as emails from other people subsequently:
http://davywavy.livejournal.com/212580.html
http://davywavy.livejournal.com/2005/07/13/

[manywaters.livejournal.com]

I figured it was worth a shot anyhow. I may look at expanding upon the midterm paper once I have some more time and latitude for my less directed academic noodlings. Had an idea or two to turn it into a Fulbright application next year, actually.

Otherwise, hi! It's nice to meet you, and I like your writing style.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm flattered!