The economics of virginity.
Jul. 27th, 2005 12:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
davywavySomething which caught my eye in the paper today was a quote from one of the failed tube bombers of a week or so ago - apparently he told a friend that he was 'looking forward to his eighty virgins in Paradise'. This came as a bit of a surprise to me, as it's rather the received wisdom that the reward awaiting the faithful is one of seventy-two virgins so I got to wondering - where did the extra eight come from?
A bit of research led me to the discovery that apparently the Ko'ran at no point indicates a number to the dark-eyed virgins waiting for you on your cloud. Sura 55 promises "Therein are bashful virgins whom neither man nor jinnee will have touched before ... virgins as fair as corals and rubies,", but the number 72 doesn't show up until the Hadiths, the narrations upon the life of the prophet which are not a part of the Ko'ran proper.
So where on earth did the figure of eighty virgins allegedly quoted by Muktar Said Ibrahim come from?
I can only come to one conclusion; as the number of splinter Al-Queda groups grows, and the number of would-be suicide bombers (inevitably) declines, we've entered a virgin bidding war. It's no surprise that the promise of multiple virgins is attractive to young men who feel they have a cause - the competition isn't offering much as an alternative. The closest bidder is Catholicism, which only offers one virgin and She's unlikley to be interested in much sweaty canoodling.
In order to convince potential suicide bombers, offering a few more virgins is a pretty cheap way of doing it - after all, a different virgin every day for three months isn't much, when you think about it. One can almost imagine Mr. Ibrahim picturing himself on a cloud muttering "Aw, not Fatima again. I only did her last March".
The inevitable consequence of this is Virgin Inflation. As would-be bombers get rarer, we can expect paradise-virgin numbers to increase. Pretty soon I wouldn't be surprised to see three-figure virgin offers being made and if these inflationary rates carry on then eventually you'll be able to redeem Tesco Clubcard points for additional doe-eyed houris in the afterlife.
The net effect of this is to drive down the value of virginity. Seventy two virgins isn't enough any more. It's got to be eighty, and evidently soon a hundred and more. If that's the case, then any virgins reading this should get out and lose it right now, before the value of the virgin market drops even further.
And if you're a girl, you can have my phone number.
A bit of research led me to the discovery that apparently the Ko'ran at no point indicates a number to the dark-eyed virgins waiting for you on your cloud. Sura 55 promises "Therein are bashful virgins whom neither man nor jinnee will have touched before ... virgins as fair as corals and rubies,", but the number 72 doesn't show up until the Hadiths, the narrations upon the life of the prophet which are not a part of the Ko'ran proper.
So where on earth did the figure of eighty virgins allegedly quoted by Muktar Said Ibrahim come from?
I can only come to one conclusion; as the number of splinter Al-Queda groups grows, and the number of would-be suicide bombers (inevitably) declines, we've entered a virgin bidding war. It's no surprise that the promise of multiple virgins is attractive to young men who feel they have a cause - the competition isn't offering much as an alternative. The closest bidder is Catholicism, which only offers one virgin and She's unlikley to be interested in much sweaty canoodling.
In order to convince potential suicide bombers, offering a few more virgins is a pretty cheap way of doing it - after all, a different virgin every day for three months isn't much, when you think about it. One can almost imagine Mr. Ibrahim picturing himself on a cloud muttering "Aw, not Fatima again. I only did her last March".
The inevitable consequence of this is Virgin Inflation. As would-be bombers get rarer, we can expect paradise-virgin numbers to increase. Pretty soon I wouldn't be surprised to see three-figure virgin offers being made and if these inflationary rates carry on then eventually you'll be able to redeem Tesco Clubcard points for additional doe-eyed houris in the afterlife.
The net effect of this is to drive down the value of virginity. Seventy two virgins isn't enough any more. It's got to be eighty, and evidently soon a hundred and more. If that's the case, then any virgins reading this should get out and lose it right now, before the value of the virgin market drops even further.
And if you're a girl, you can have my phone number.
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no subject
Date: 2005-07-27 11:52 am (UTC)Is paradise negotiable? I'll say angry words and shake my fist for 8 dirty sluts.
Stiking suicide bombers
Date: 2005-07-27 12:20 pm (UTC)"What do we want?"
"Virgins!"
"When do we want them?"
"When the timer runs out!"
no subject
Date: 2005-07-27 12:33 pm (UTC)Luckily for them no one returns from paradise to spill how the deal has been altered.
no subject
Date: 2005-07-27 12:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-27 12:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-27 01:18 pm (UTC)Obviously not from my boarding school, then.
Yes, well...
Date: 2005-07-27 03:01 pm (UTC)Also, all 72+ of them are dark-eyed? I mean, c'mon, what about some variety? ;-)
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Lastly, I can't see the value in virgins much really, I mean, by definition, they're rubbish in bed.
Re: Stiking suicide bombers
Date: 2005-07-27 03:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-07-27 07:51 pm (UTC)Re: Stiking suicide bombers
Date: 2005-07-28 01:25 pm (UTC)Give us back our untouched bits?