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davywavyA few days ago I said I'd write something festive for those of you as asked me to.
My apologies to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
cornaid, gwaunquest and hiromasaki - I didn't feel I know you well enough to skit you effectively.
‘twas the night before Christmas
And over Livejournal
Sat David’s friends,
Both divine and infernal
But at his desk in Stevenage
Sits David, working still
No coin of profit to my name
But still a large tax bill.
When with a howling like a train
There comes a Christmas ghost
He says I'll learn festivity
And he will be my host.
To take me on a Christmas tour
A scheme he will employ
He'll show me friends at Christmastide
And teach me Christmas joy.
I cavil fast and point at work
And all I have to do.
As entrepreneur I cannot stop
There's figures to accrue.
"Now be off with you, o festive sprite
There's money to be made
Though not a penny in my purse
Those taxes must be paid."
Ignoring me my undead guest
Reached forth a spectral hand
And took me ‘pon an Odyssey
Of Christmas o’er the land.
So flew we first to Reading town,
Where Rhona and her mates
Performed an act illegal
In nineteen US States.
With tools and toys and gewgaws
And tricks from ev’ry book
I think I saw a sheep there too,
(But I tried hard not to look).
Away from this debauchery
And then to Brum we fly
To find old beardy Sowden
With his nose stuck in a pie.
With glass in hand and cheery wave
Plus belly full of beer
His rosy face is all we need
To wish us seasons’ cheer.
And from the pub to campus next
And there I find young Joe.
Avoiding work as student Rep,
Grown fat on taxpayers dough.
“Worker harder, Dave, and pay more tax!”
His voice cried, clear and shrill
“The NUS won’t pay its way
So more tax, and yet more, still!”
And then from there my spectral guide
To seek out James instead
Whose greeting was a martial bow
And right hook to my head.
“Oh don’t be cross, Dave mate” he cried
Whilst picking up my teeth
“A quick dust-up is how men bond,
Or such is my belief.”
The ghost and I soon turned and ran
From his kicks and blows
And breathing hard we took time out
To straighten up my nose.
Still faster now to Jeni Law
‘mongst fairest in the land.
But to kiss her beau Marc, he needs
A box on which to stand.
"A shame", I said, "that Marc's not here
To share the Christmas flair."
"I don't know what you're on about" she said
"He's stood behind that chair."
Whilst still in Manc to Tiffany
As bounteous as the day
But 'ware for all you imbeciles
Her temper's quick to fray
With weary tread to to Inskauldrak
To hear his Commie prattle
To stay awake while he goes on
Is really half the battle
And there we find him being kind
and giving to the poor
To keep his presents for himself
Would be Tory, nothing more.
Then keeping to a fiscal theme
The ghost takes me to Boyle
Where he, like me, is working still
Engaged in honest toil.
A dour scot you'll see at first
He seems immune to booze
But truth it is, he told me once,
He's no reserve to lose.
From thence we fly to Scarborough
(The person, not the town)
Where there we see a Christmas gift
A face without a frown
To earn great cash is what she wants
Her gift from Santa's sack
So hope we send the shade and I
She gets her spirit back.
Now Westward 'cross the ocean deep
To lands uncivilised
Where Hamburgers are haute cuisine
And guns are highly prized.
And there we find her, glorious Wend
Her husband gets his kicks
By taking Brits to 'titty bars',
And making them meet chicks.
From thence far East, the ghost and I
Fair Karoline to see
I have to say good things for her -
Her dad's Ex-KGB.
So listing all her attributes,
To save me getting shot
She's tall and smart and generous,
And realy really hot.
And so at last to Stevenage
Our Oddysey will end
The ghost asks if I've learned goodwill
And peace on Earth to men
"Goodwill?" I cry, "I should say not!"
My voice it is quite cross
"With that damn trip to see my friends
I've made a thumping loss.
A letter here from Gordon Brown
With threats of jail and worse
He's asking even more from me -
Hands deeper in my purse!
So bugger off you festive ghost,
There's no goodwill to you.
And you lot can have your Christmas
But I've got work to do!"
Merry Christmas, everyone.
My apologies to
cornaid, gwaunquest and hiromasaki - I didn't feel I know you well enough to skit you effectively.‘twas the night before Christmas
And over Livejournal
Sat David’s friends,
Both divine and infernal
But at his desk in Stevenage
Sits David, working still
No coin of profit to my name
But still a large tax bill.
When with a howling like a train
There comes a Christmas ghost
He says I'll learn festivity
And he will be my host.
To take me on a Christmas tour
A scheme he will employ
He'll show me friends at Christmastide
And teach me Christmas joy.
I cavil fast and point at work
And all I have to do.
As entrepreneur I cannot stop
There's figures to accrue.
"Now be off with you, o festive sprite
There's money to be made
Though not a penny in my purse
Those taxes must be paid."
Ignoring me my undead guest
Reached forth a spectral hand
And took me ‘pon an Odyssey
Of Christmas o’er the land.
So flew we first to Reading town,
Where Rhona and her mates
Performed an act illegal
In nineteen US States.
With tools and toys and gewgaws
And tricks from ev’ry book
I think I saw a sheep there too,
(But I tried hard not to look).
Away from this debauchery
And then to Brum we fly
To find old beardy Sowden
With his nose stuck in a pie.
With glass in hand and cheery wave
Plus belly full of beer
His rosy face is all we need
To wish us seasons’ cheer.
And from the pub to campus next
And there I find young Joe.
Avoiding work as student Rep,
Grown fat on taxpayers dough.
“Worker harder, Dave, and pay more tax!”
His voice cried, clear and shrill
“The NUS won’t pay its way
So more tax, and yet more, still!”
And then from there my spectral guide
To seek out James instead
Whose greeting was a martial bow
And right hook to my head.
“Oh don’t be cross, Dave mate” he cried
Whilst picking up my teeth
“A quick dust-up is how men bond,
Or such is my belief.”
The ghost and I soon turned and ran
From his kicks and blows
And breathing hard we took time out
To straighten up my nose.
Still faster now to Jeni Law
‘mongst fairest in the land.
But to kiss her beau Marc, he needs
A box on which to stand.
"A shame", I said, "that Marc's not here
To share the Christmas flair."
"I don't know what you're on about" she said
"He's stood behind that chair."
Whilst still in Manc to Tiffany
As bounteous as the day
But 'ware for all you imbeciles
Her temper's quick to fray
With weary tread to to Inskauldrak
To hear his Commie prattle
To stay awake while he goes on
Is really half the battle
And there we find him being kind
and giving to the poor
To keep his presents for himself
Would be Tory, nothing more.
Then keeping to a fiscal theme
The ghost takes me to Boyle
Where he, like me, is working still
Engaged in honest toil.
A dour scot you'll see at first
He seems immune to booze
But truth it is, he told me once,
He's no reserve to lose.
From thence we fly to Scarborough
(The person, not the town)
Where there we see a Christmas gift
A face without a frown
To earn great cash is what she wants
Her gift from Santa's sack
So hope we send the shade and I
She gets her spirit back.
Now Westward 'cross the ocean deep
To lands uncivilised
Where Hamburgers are haute cuisine
And guns are highly prized.
And there we find her, glorious Wend
Her husband gets his kicks
By taking Brits to 'titty bars',
And making them meet chicks.
From thence far East, the ghost and I
Fair Karoline to see
I have to say good things for her -
Her dad's Ex-KGB.
So listing all her attributes,
To save me getting shot
She's tall and smart and generous,
And realy really hot.
And so at last to Stevenage
Our Oddysey will end
The ghost asks if I've learned goodwill
And peace on Earth to men
"Goodwill?" I cry, "I should say not!"
My voice it is quite cross
"With that damn trip to see my friends
I've made a thumping loss.
A letter here from Gordon Brown
With threats of jail and worse
He's asking even more from me -
Hands deeper in my purse!
So bugger off you festive ghost,
There's no goodwill to you.
And you lot can have your Christmas
But I've got work to do!"
Merry Christmas, everyone.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 12:59 pm (UTC)just for the record, Marc is at least 4 inches taller than me
you're a bad man :p
no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 01:00 pm (UTC)He's not, he just wears shoes with a cuban heel.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 01:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 01:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 01:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 01:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 01:13 pm (UTC)Thank you!
no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 01:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 01:25 pm (UTC)*grins* Happy Christmas. And I didn't even copy/paste...
no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 01:33 pm (UTC)Even if I was a short arse... I still manage to get attractive women to go out with me.
(grin)
So I understand if I give other men a complex.
Indeed, with the possible exception of Trudy, I think its fair to say that I date mostly stunning/attractive/awesome women.
The current partner being, as Dave himself put it, 'the fairest in the land'.
So I am bound to cause lesser men to be jealous.
Every size joke merely feeds my ego my dear. Same with the age jokes...
You see, i don't mind... I am enlightened.
:)
no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 01:35 pm (UTC)And HUZZAH about the attack on freeloading students!
HUZZAH!
Dave you're a genius!
Now get back to work!
;)
no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 01:36 pm (UTC)(Merry Christmas to you young lady.)
no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 01:39 pm (UTC)I love the shark. ;)
Oh, and Sally keeps looking wistful and wondering when you and Phili will be visiting again; we're starting to look at theatrical outings in London, so if you're bored or fancy seeing something in the West End, do let us know. :)
(this goes for anyone with the good taste to be reading these comments, of course. Apart from the bit about Sally staring forlornly out of a third-storey window, of course. :P)
no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 01:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 01:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 01:45 pm (UTC)I will get back to you with details
no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 01:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 02:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 02:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 02:46 pm (UTC)Workers of the world, unite...
Date: 2005-12-23 02:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 03:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 03:16 pm (UTC)So I know precisely what I am talking about!
(grin)
Student Sabbaticals go on to become General Managers of SU's (most famous example being Dougie Blackstock who was/is GM of Warwick- I remember him as the best Left Unity candidiate for Natioonal president they ever had), OR they go on to become Thatcherite MP's (Lorna Fitsimmons & Steven Twigg who I remembered ended NUC Winter Conferance unconsitutionally- i was there and SAW what they did- being the best example).
In light of the above- freeloaders!!!
Scum!
Ban all students!!
(And to think it was ideas like this that GOT ME elected as President- when asked in a famous hustings "Do you think mature Students would make better presidents of this union?" I replied-
"Well, as the ONLY candidate who can say their National Insurance Number off the top of my head- maybe it's time to elect someone not wet behind the ears!" GRIN!)
Freeloaders!
Politically correct morons with no sense!
Mandatory Second Jobs to PAY for their education is what i say!
(grin)
In one year in office I took a Union where only 14% of AVAILABLE Union cards were issued (only 14% of the membership could be bother to actually have one) to 100%.
I rocked!!!!
Other Sabbaticals are fools...
(laughs)
Don't take the above too seriously.
I actually do NOT believe that all students are freeloaders.
Merely a good 50% of them!
Equal rights for FE's! They at least are PROPER students!
Greater powers for the MNUS- they at least KNOW what they are talking about!
Ban all 18-21 year olds holding Sabbatical poisitions on the grounds they are usually wankers!
Reform!! Reform!!!
(grins)
no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 03:23 pm (UTC)And, as it turns out, lots of HE Sabbs go into management consultancy (ones at Birmingham often end up with P&G, for example). But yeah, a lot of fair points, although age/experience != better representatives...*grin*
no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 03:52 pm (UTC)I'm a UGS in the US and I have no clue WTF all these letters mean.
Then again, I still don't know where the FAO or SU are on campus either...
no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 03:53 pm (UTC)Neither of these two were Thatcherite - they were Blairite. Please - they were both Labour MPs!
no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 03:53 pm (UTC)Wonderous work as usual, Mr. Dave!
no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 03:53 pm (UTC)FE: Further Education (post-16)
NUS: National Union of Students
That help?
(Oh, and UGS?)
no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 03:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 04:07 pm (UTC)Basically years 13-16, ending in a Baccalaureate Degree
I presume FE would be what we call a Master's Program, and HE would be the Doctoral Program? (Both of which are also under the heading of "Graduate Students / Grad School")
Gotta love how the same language can be so different.
(edited via delete-n-replace)
no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 04:10 pm (UTC)HE is where undergraduate students get their Bachelors' Degrees and where postgraduate study occurs (e.g. Masters, Doctorate, etc.)
FE (also analogous to Sixth Form) is where people who've left school study for their A-levels or other qualifications, which are generally required for entry into University.
Does that help?
no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 04:44 pm (UTC)Oh, my aching sides.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 07:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-24 12:13 am (UTC)Ever since I discovered what your job was, you've had my respect. West Midlands Area yeah? I was temnpted to go for it believe it or not. Good area (my opinion).
yeah Sabbs go into Management Consultancy- an Ark Two job if ever there was one!!!
(grins)
no subject
Date: 2005-12-24 12:21 am (UTC)I've done a few visits up in your old stomping grounds, actually. I'd never appreciated exactly how bleak Beaconside is until I went and checked the place out. Yikes.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-24 12:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-24 12:24 am (UTC)Twigg- Blairite poster boy! Should have been president of the Fabian Society, got the job, was told could only keep it if he WASN'T an MP- so Labour sent him against an MP they thought they would never get (Portillo)- which is why he looked more shocked than Portillo in 97. Fitzsimmons is the same type of creature.
Their party is Labour because they wanted political power. Back in the mid-90's NOL's ruled the NUS. You were ambitious, without any real political beliefs and you wanted to get into politics by ANY means nesscessary- you joined Labour Students and went on to the main party.
I use to get PISSED with Labour Students back in the 90's. I was a sad fuck who spent most of his time trying to get laid!
I saw them... and many of them? personal politics had NOTHING to do with their party beliefs. They would say one thing but behind closed doors in their bedrooms, they would say an entirely differant thing.
Fitzsimmons and Twigg were THE worst examples of it. Nasty, NASTY people who had the moral code of a cockroach (sorry to any cockroaches) and would do anything to get power.
Twigg was SO disgusting a person I actually kept an eye on his career. I often wondered what someone without any true political beliefs was capable in politics. Hnece I have watched him. Out of the NUS and into Islington Council. Not that he gave a shit about Islington... he just had to follow the path.
He got MP WAY early. I kid you not- thin k a gay Alan B'astard and you have Twigg.
Fitzsimmons? Well, how she acted as a Sabbatical (bedroom stuff) seems to have carried onto her political life... or am I imagine some torrid exposure in a sex scandle somewhere. I haven't followered her as much I admit.
OK, so maybe not Thatcherite!
Amoral political mercenaries is the CORRECT term I should have said.
:)
no subject
Date: 2005-12-24 01:52 am (UTC)Did two years there followed by a year at Stoke site.
There use to be a HUGE Stoke/Stafford divide during elections. When i ran for president I was told by a Stafford candidate for the same post 'Don't bother husting in Stafford- I have all the votes sown up!'.
So I didn't. i just campaigned in Stoke (which outnumbered Stafford 4 to 1) and went after second and third votes.
Stafford candidate won the first round but didn't have enough. the next three rounds saw the Stoke candidates drop out and me get the transfers until I finally won.
I actually thanked him for his advice!
(grin)
'Course I added policy which said that three out of the seven Sabb positions HAD TO be based in Stafford, three in Stoke and one floating- hopefully it ended such things. But ya never know.
(grins)
Think Beaconside is grim now?
Once was a time when the SU was in town (The Whitley Building- currently still used by the FE college). that made it more grim.
Does it still have the ten males to one female ratio?
Glad to hear WMNUS is still alive and well. It had some good unions- I really enjoyed area conventions.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-26 07:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-07 08:33 pm (UTC)