Classics updated
Feb. 7th, 2006 10:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
davywavyThere's a long history, in both the theatre and cinema, of 'updating' the classics for the modern era. This is a process which has often led to great vitality being injected into works which might be seen by modern audiences as outdated. Romeo and Juliet was updated to the 1950's with West Side Story, for example, and in the same era The Taking of the Shrew became Kiss me, Kate and much later Ten things I hate about you.
Both West Side Story and Kiss me, Kate featured a glamorised view of streetlife and criminals in their updates, and this has been continued in modern versions - certainly films like 8 Mile and Get Rich or Die tryin' offer a glamorised view of American Ghetto life. But where are the updates of classic tales to British ghetto life?
So it is I've been tinkering with an update of Kiss me, Kate for the modern British audience. I call it Shag me, Sharon.
Shag me, Sharon
Act 1, Scene 1.
A garage on a coucil estate, somewhere in Stevenage. Enter Shane and Darren, two chavs.
Shane: I dunno what's up wiv 'er. I've known 'er free weeks 'an she's not shagged us yet, like.
Darren: Mebbe she's a lebsian, like.
Shane: I dunno. I fink it's me own problem, chattin up a goff an' all.
Darren: A goff? What yer doin' chattin' up one o' them for? Stick to yer own sort.
Shane: I know, but I've never been that hot at chattin' up lasses. I mean, look at Wayne. He's covered in 'em. Wish I knew 'is trick.
Enter Wayne, a Chav
Darren: 'ey, Wayne.
Wayne: 'ey.
Darren: Shane were jus' talkin' about yer. 'e were sayin' that yer a bit of a ladies man, like, an' wishin' 'e knew yer secret.
Wayne: Secret? There's no secret. It's in yer car, man.
Shane: Yer car?
Wayne: Aye. Let me tell yer.
Wayne: Singing (To the tune of "Brush up your Shakespeare")
The girls today on estates
Go for flash cars with their mates,
So to win their hearts one must twock with ease
Beemers, Golfs and Ford Capris.
But the joyrider of them all
Who will start 'em simply gagging
Has his motor all pimped up
And birds queuing up for a shagging.
Pimp up your motor
Start blinging it now
Pimp up your motor
And the bitches you will plough*
Make the back wheels a size or so bigger
And she'll think you're one hell of a figure
Stick a kitchen light under your chassis
And your car will look stylish and classy
Paint a handful of flames on the bonnet
And you're sure to have laydeez upon it
Pimp up your motor
And they'll all kow tow.
Pimp up your motor,
Start blinging it now.
Pimp up your motor
And the bitches you will plough
With some furry dice over your dashboard
Her affections will be your just reward
If your car boot is one giant woofer
Then it’s sure that you’ll soon get to stuff ‘er
If she says that your motor is tatty
Then metallic paint makes it quite natty
Pimp up your motor
And they'll all kow tow,
And they'll all kow tow,
And they'll all kow tow.
End of scene 1.
* "Bitches you will plough" rhyme courtesy of my brother.
Both West Side Story and Kiss me, Kate featured a glamorised view of streetlife and criminals in their updates, and this has been continued in modern versions - certainly films like 8 Mile and Get Rich or Die tryin' offer a glamorised view of American Ghetto life. But where are the updates of classic tales to British ghetto life?
So it is I've been tinkering with an update of Kiss me, Kate for the modern British audience. I call it Shag me, Sharon.
Shag me, Sharon
Act 1, Scene 1.
A garage on a coucil estate, somewhere in Stevenage. Enter Shane and Darren, two chavs.
Shane: I dunno what's up wiv 'er. I've known 'er free weeks 'an she's not shagged us yet, like.
Darren: Mebbe she's a lebsian, like.
Shane: I dunno. I fink it's me own problem, chattin up a goff an' all.
Darren: A goff? What yer doin' chattin' up one o' them for? Stick to yer own sort.
Shane: I know, but I've never been that hot at chattin' up lasses. I mean, look at Wayne. He's covered in 'em. Wish I knew 'is trick.
Enter Wayne, a Chav
Darren: 'ey, Wayne.
Wayne: 'ey.
Darren: Shane were jus' talkin' about yer. 'e were sayin' that yer a bit of a ladies man, like, an' wishin' 'e knew yer secret.
Wayne: Secret? There's no secret. It's in yer car, man.
Shane: Yer car?
Wayne: Aye. Let me tell yer.
Wayne: Singing (To the tune of "Brush up your Shakespeare")
The girls today on estates
Go for flash cars with their mates,
So to win their hearts one must twock with ease
Beemers, Golfs and Ford Capris.
But the joyrider of them all
Who will start 'em simply gagging
Has his motor all pimped up
And birds queuing up for a shagging.
Pimp up your motor
Start blinging it now
Pimp up your motor
And the bitches you will plough*
Make the back wheels a size or so bigger
And she'll think you're one hell of a figure
Stick a kitchen light under your chassis
And your car will look stylish and classy
Paint a handful of flames on the bonnet
And you're sure to have laydeez upon it
Pimp up your motor
And they'll all kow tow.
Pimp up your motor,
Start blinging it now.
Pimp up your motor
And the bitches you will plough
With some furry dice over your dashboard
Her affections will be your just reward
If your car boot is one giant woofer
Then it’s sure that you’ll soon get to stuff ‘er
If she says that your motor is tatty
Then metallic paint makes it quite natty
Pimp up your motor
And they'll all kow tow,
And they'll all kow tow,
And they'll all kow tow.
End of scene 1.
* "Bitches you will plough" rhyme courtesy of my brother.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(The crowd calls for an encore)
Date: 2006-02-07 11:20 am (UTC)Start blinging it now.
Pimp up your motor
And the bitches you will plough
If your goils are all mingers or boilers
Get an extra exhaust and some spoilers
Blacked-out glass on a knocked-off Mercedes
Will ensure you’re a hit with the ladies
And if still they won’t value your labours
You’ll impress the hell out of the neighbours
Pimp up your motor
And they'll all kow tow!
H
Re: (The crowd calls for an encore)
Date: 2006-02-07 11:22 am (UTC)A standing ovation is guaranteed, I think.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-07 11:37 am (UTC)http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/4688670.stm
At last,
Date: 2006-02-07 12:26 pm (UTC)Re: At last,
Date: 2006-02-07 12:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-07 01:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-07 04:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-07 05:44 pm (UTC)My friends all laughed their asses off.
Two questions about this
Date: 2006-02-08 12:15 pm (UTC)And 2) Why didn't you look in the back before you bought it!?
Here is the news
Date: 2006-02-08 12:20 pm (UTC)Now sports.
Re: Here is the news
Date: 2006-02-08 12:29 pm (UTC)Re: Here is the news
Date: 2006-02-08 12:34 pm (UTC)Commonly used by attention-seeking roleplayers to indicate that they're cool, but they're also a bit depressed and so they'd like some attention and possibly some *Hugzz* now, please.
Re: Here is the news
Date: 2006-02-08 12:36 pm (UTC)Re: Here is the news
Date: 2006-02-08 12:37 pm (UTC)Re: Here is the news
Date: 2006-02-08 12:52 pm (UTC)Re: Here is the news
Date: 2006-02-08 02:24 pm (UTC)For all you know, the poor kid might be even now feverishly working on a second encore (Cole Porter wrote 2 encores to the original after all) which knocks the socks off mine ... let's just wait & see shall we?
H
Re: Here is the news
Date: 2006-02-08 03:21 pm (UTC)Re: Here is the news
Date: 2006-02-08 04:08 pm (UTC)H