Reasons to be cheerful, part 1.

[davywavy]

One thing about Livejournal which never ceases to surprise me is the number of really bad things which seem to happen to the people who maintain blogs. After all, you’d suppose that just by the law of averages bad things would be pretty evenly spread amongst the population and, whilst individual instances of unpleasantness might occur to any given person, in the main things will tend to even out.
You wouldn’t think this, some days, clicking through LJ. You’d think that some people had made a personal enemy of the fates because it’s rare that a day seems to go past that they haven’t made a post about what terrible personal Hell has befallen them now. Life is teh SuxX0r, you see, and they’re going to tell the world all about it. So it is that I got to wondering why it is that fate seems to persecute so many people who keep Livejournals. A disproportionate number of them, if statistics are to be believed.

There’s another possibility, which is that fate does not disproportionately favour tormenting the LJ community but rather that LJ has a disproportionate number of people writing within it who perceive fate as being against them and want to talk about it – to anyone who might be reading. Not over a drink to their close friends or over the phone to people who might be able to offer advice at a personal level, but to the passing random button throng, who instead offer *hugs*.
There’s a number of reasons I’m not convinced that this is a particularly healthy thing to do. Firstly is the reason above stated: that a supportive network of friends is a valuable thing in times or trouble or stress, but LJ doesn’t truly offer that. It offers a large audience of people offering *hugs*, instantly. As anyone who knows much about psychological reinforcement of behaviour would hopefully agree, instant reaction to behaviours, unless negative, is a very powerful reinforcement for that behaviour. That is, receiving a deluge of *hugs* to a post about the suckitude of life is a powerful reinforcement to making such posts and that leads me onto the second of my reasons for thinking that making such posts on a regular basis is a bad thing.
This thought is based upon Erving Goffman’s theory of Presentation of Self. What that theory states is that we will become more like the person we present ourselves to be on a regular basis and so by consistently presenting ourselves as unhappy people to whom bad things happen, we are more likely to become unhappy people, or certainly not help in any sort of recovery. Making LJ posts about how unhappy we are compounds that unhappiness and if we weren’t unhappy in the first place well, uh-oh. It might feel like release, but I’m unconvinced of the actual value especially when compared with other therapeutic behaviours such as utilising one’s network of friends at a personal level.
This is why I maintain the LJ persona I do. With any luck, the more I present myself as a wealthy philanderer the better my odds of becoming one.

But wait, there’s more. You see, not only does making regular posts about how unhappy you are and how much your life sucks affect you negatively, but it also seems that it won’t help those around you much either. It’s long been known that misery loves company and that hanging around with miserable people can drag you down until you’re standing on Battersea Bridge at 2am looking longingly at the cool, cool water and it’s promise of eternal peace yourself, but finally eggheaded boffins have come up with a theory of why that actually is and how the process works.
Recent neurological research at the University of Parma has demonstrated the existence of what are called ‘Mirror Neurons’. These are adapted brain cells with, when others do things around us, fire in exactly the same patterns as if we were doing them ourselves. As an aid to learning, they’re obviously of massive value – when you watch a video of Jackie Chan performing quite remarkable feats of physical prowess, that act of watching is firing neurons in your brain which are acting like you’re actually doing it yourself and, in so doing, actually making you better at Kung-fu - at some infinitesimal level.
Mirror Neurons don’t just fire when we’re mentally rehearsing actions performed by another. They also fire when we’re mentally rehearsing emotions experience by another, too. Research by Gallese and Rizzolatto at Parma University demonstrates that when we even read descriptions of actions or emotional states then we’re mentally rehearsing them and being influenced by them. Broca’s area – that part of the brain responsible for using language – is particularly rich in Mirror Neurons and the language used by others, how they use it and the meanings conveyed by it. When your friends list or the random button is full of people spinning tales of woe then your own emotional state will suffer. Negative attitudes on the part of others, neurologically speaking, can very quickly become a part of our own psychological makeup.
In isolation, one person telling you their problems is unlikely to have much of an effect and will probably help them in unburdening a lot. However, the problem with the internet, and it’s instant reactions to negativity, is that LJ is often full of negative attitudes and ‘woe is me’ tales – and that’s not a healthy environment for anybody.
What doesn’t help is that often happy and positive people are seen as being in some way less intelligent than the miserable, especially in the 'online community' - as if happy people just aren't clever enough to understand and if only they did they'd be miserable. I suppose that this is because the Dalai Lama and Nelson Mandela are too busy to make daily posts and so there aren't many good examples to offset this attitude.

With all of this in mind, I was going to ask you lot to do something. Not really a challenge, because writing about stuff that makes you happy and feel good should never be a challenge, but just something that you should do. I'm especially look at those of you out there who I know are there who read but never make posts on your own blogs. Yes, you. I'm looking at you now. You never post. Go and do it.
Write something today. make it positive. Make it about things that make you happy and about things that you think should make others veiw the world more positively.

Oh, and if you were thinking of making a 'life suxX0rs' post today, don't. Write something cheery instead. Not only will it help you, it'll help other people, too.

Go on.

Comments

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

On a more brutal level a LJ filter modifier could be written that automatically stops any post with any negative mood being shown.
Thus you'd only see the positive posts from those on your friends list and your mental well-being would be assured. Aren't computers great?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Gosh, what a good idea.

[azekeil.livejournal.com]

Excellent. Automated censorship. I wonder if I can run spamassassin over my friends list, training it to dislike memes and negative posts..?

[azekeil.livejournal.com]

..but then of course, anyone listening to 'Van Halen - Jump' is going to be insanely cheerful, no matter what ;)

(But seriously, good point. I cut people out of my default view who whinge and whine because I don't think it helps anyone.)

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Jump always, without fail, cheers me up. I want to be Dave lee Roth when I grow up.

[raggedyman.livejournal.com]

Whilst I agree with a lo of what your saying I remain convinced that having the space to vent any legitimate anger or upset is actually a good thing, provided that it is used in a correct and useful manner. The continued spewing of wangst is not a correct or useful manner, letting off steam so that you may then get on with things is. I wonder how many people have forgotten the "then get on with things" bit of it all though.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Two words: "Hugs trawling".
We've all seen 'em.
I'm very tempted to hoof anyone who trawls for hugs off my flist, as life is too short.

[azekeil.livejournal.com]

Also: DeadJournal (http://www.deadjournal.com/). :)

[(Anonymous)]

Was it you who told me (I've heard this somewhere) that during the Second World War, and despite the continual threat of Hitler, being invaded, the Blitz, rationing, food coupons, black marketeers, shortages, etc, etc, documented cases of neurosis and other angsty complaints actually fell, because people had something more important to worry about? Consequently they went round keeping resolutely cheerful and saying "mustn't grumble" to one another?

Semms to have worked, anyhow.

H

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I dunno if it were me what said it, but I can easily believe it. There's a substantial body of evidence which suggests that people who spend their time doing something they consider to be meaningful are happier and better adjusted than those who don't, and sorting out Johnny Fritz would definitely count.

[queenortart.livejournal.com]

As instructed I have posted something lovely and positive about my frock addictions and the imminent arrival of new frockage (today according to the post office when I paid the customs charges) - but it was in a closed community cos him indoors doesn't really understand my need for frock fixes.

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Frocks are like frock coats, you can't have enough of them!

[jonnyargles.livejournal.com]

This is why I maintain the LJ persona I do. With any luck, the more I present myself as a wealthy philanderer the better my odds of becoming one.

Whereas my LJ persona is really a coverup for the fact that I'm Nicholas Soames.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Why would you want to hide that?

[queenortart.livejournal.com]

Oh and I know what else I was going to say

Sod hugs - Jaffa Cakes are the way to go. (Although hugs are always nice)

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I once got locked in a room with 30,000 jaffa cakes. It was one of the best afternoons of my life.

[the-mendicant.livejournal.com]

Wow, that quite a prescriptive post!

Points which spring to mind in no particular order:

I never send 'hugs' if someone is suffering, I always write a few lines of something meaninful.

Last year, I put up several happy posts about how in love I was and what a great time i'd had at such and such, and I was shot down in flames in private by malcontents who said I wasn't giving enough mentions of other people in my life (who weren't making me at all happy)!

As someone who was very miserable at the weekend and had a public and online meltdown, I can attest to the cathartic benefits of journaling my mood. But I wasn't just sharing the pain, I was asking for help - which I got in bucketloads. I wouldn't have had the energy (or the numbers) to have phoned up every person who replied to my posts, and I wouldn't have know which ones could have helped me for the best. Some of the most inciteful comments came from people who almost never reply to my posts.

I posted an update later in the day, to say that things had improved and share the fact that my spirits had been lifted by people's kindness.

Many people find it theraputic to read about the woes of others, and even better, to try and help. If that weren't the case, then agony columns would fade away and the Ladies Loos would fold (its so successful they are even publishing a book of the collected wisdom) and charitable giving and volunteering would dry up. No man is an island, sufficient unto himself. It is human nature to involve ourselves in other's stories. As the quote on my info page says: "We live to make sport for our neighbours and in turn be amused by them!" Jane Austin - Pride and Predudice

If watching TV allows us to subliminally rehearse the expertise of others, how come most men aren't better lovers? They watch enough porn!

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

The point I try to make (and perhaps I wasn't clear enough) is that there is a difference between occasional and consistent behaviours. I don't think that anyone would accuse you of making every post a clarion cry of woe is me, but there are LJ's out there which seem to be daily, consistently negative - a style which I don't think is healthy either for the author or the audience.

If watching TV allows us to subliminally rehearse the expertise of others, how come most men aren't better lovers? They watch enough porn!

Would you consider porn to be an exemplar of good male love?

[medusa-nw.livejournal.com]

I think my mirror cells and my compassion cells are faulty. Generally when I see a lot of moaning on LJ and/or MySpace I just think 'for god's sake, get over it already'. I post a *hug* reply and go on my merry way without it ever really affecting me. In real life I'm very supportive though, to the extent that I'm seriously considering a charge for my Agony Aunt service. Weird...

[kcontheroad.livejournal.com]

I do post hugs to be supportive of others, but my own journal has very few down posts. I am unlikely to focus on the negative. It's interesting that you post this now as I explicitly stated it in one of my recent posts -- I had a whirlwind trip and told about the good bits and said I wouldn't discuss the trouble bits as they no longer mattered and I have no use in recalling them.

I admit I have wondered if by being optimistic I appear to my LJ friends as naive rather than positive. My 'naivete' has worked for me, though.

One for you: Some one recently asked me if I see the glass as half full or half empty. I replied that I see the contents of the glass in the process of being savoured.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

My glass is neither half full nor half empty. I tend to think - "Yippee! I got a glass!"

[hiromasaki.livejournal.com]

And so you post this gorgeous diatribe about thinking positive and all that while listening to a song whose chorus is "Might as well jump. Go ahead, Jump."

Two points for the pun, negative 10,000,000 for the pun.

[theoldcatlady.livejournal.com]

I'm one of the mostly negative posters. Why? Well, it's like this: I'd rather not dwell on the negative in my daily interactions with people, being a first class negative vibe merchant and all, no reason to get others feeling down, so I started my LJ for the sole purpose of posting negative things just to get them down in black and white and leave them there.

I never gave my LJ link to anyone, nor did I tell anyone of its existance, as I never intended its content to be for public consumption. It was, however, found. I think because I posted while logged in, and someone followed the link, then others learned of it, etc., you know the drill.

One of my readers emailed me privately saying something to the effect of "you have the worst luck of anyone I know", and I had to explain that anyone reading my LJ would think so, but it's not the case, the LJ is for venting.

I've since made an attempt to post more positive things.

[gwaunquest.livejournal.com]

I never talk about me in public. I can't cope with "hugs" real or virtual. I belive that those people who can open their guts to all and sundry at the drop of a hat can probably masterbate in public and then ask for points out of ten on style. When you really have been shit on by the dihoaretic camel of fate, repeatedly over a long period of time; when you really know fear, grief and desolution by their first names, the last thing you want to do is talk about it.
"What that theory states is that we will become more like the person we present ourselves to be on a regular basis" If only this were true I'd be Lara Croft.

[rhythmaning.livejournal.com]

I am sure others have said this, but fate isn't even handed. There are some people that things happen to; talking to them, you wonder how on earth they could get up in the morning. They are walking disaster areas.

Fortunately, I do not seem to be one of them. But I don't want to tempt fate...

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I think fate is more even handed than that - it's just how people deal with events which defines them. I remember a few years ago someone giving me their tale of woe and rounding it off with something like "Of course, nothing bad ever happens to you, does it?"
Of course it does, and I was sufficiently irritated by this that I gave them a list - the difference between me and them was that I refused to let bad stuff affect me and define who I am and what I do now.
What happens to us as people isn't the issue. It's how we deal with it which is important.

[gnommi.livejournal.com]

thank you and amen

i've always tried to avoid diatribes and sympathy-seeking here, and anyone who wallows in them gets swiftly booted off the friends list even if they *are* friends. sure, bad stuff happens and we all need support. i guess i object a little to the serial LJ doom-shotgun approach. can't be bothered to tell your friends one-to-one? use the LJ gloom bomb!

by the way, mind if i add you? i like reading your LJ, and am too scatty to remember to drop by via my interests page as i currently do

[gnommi.livejournal.com]

oh and i forgot

[lareinemisere.livejournal.com]

Oh, so true. Despite the username, I try to accentuate the positive, but it is amazing how some people manage to find so many things to get angry and/or upset about at such length. The other thing is the people who bitch about someone on their LJ even when that person is on their friends list and will obviously read it. What's that about?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Oh, the posts one reads which go "You know who you are and you're horrible I hate you for what you did!"?
LJ is like a wet dream for passive aggressives. If you want to say somehting, say it. Otherwise, write cheery stuff about how great life is. Because it is.