Young love

[davywavy]

Something I had sent to me recently was A Guy's Guide To Not Getting It On (somewhat rude in parts and probably not work safe). I don't know why it was sent to me. Perhaps someone was trying to make a point or something. Who can say?
Reading it and the comments below it, it does somewhat beggar belief that men can be so astoundingly crass when trying to make a good enough impression that girls might see taking their clothes off as a good idea. I mean, I know us men can be - I certainly am - but having so many examples in close proximity just makes me cringe for my gender. Then again, knowing that so many men are witless and crass pleases me because that means there's just that much less competition in the market.

Having these guides of things not to say when trying to make that essential first impression is useful as it allows us to learn from the crippling, embarrassing mistakes of others. So, in a moment of gender equality and fairness, might I suggest:

Things for girls not to say on a first date:
1) "How much do you earn?"
2) "I'm an Aquarius, which means I'm a bit psychic".
3) "My parents didn't love me enough when I was little" (or any variation thereupon).
4) Anything about cats, especially:
i) Indicating that you own more than one cat,
ii) Suggesting that you like cats more than you do people,
iii) Suggesting that you think cats are in some way mystical or magical.
5) "I usually attract nutters and bastards, but you seem different"

So, question of the day: What's the worst thing anyone has ever said to you on a first date/whilst trying to chat you up. And what's the worst thing they could say?*

^{*Apart from "Hallo, I'm David", obviously.}

Comments

[madwitch.livejournal.com]

It was in Paris. A waiter had decided that Karo spoke more French than me, so was chatting me up through her. Seeing as her French is as rubbish as mine, this was amusing. But then...then he gave me his killer line, in his badly broken Engish.

"I'm single, you're single, I'm vegetarian, you're vegetarian, we could be dead tomorrow"

Never have I run so fast.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

So what you're saying is that the slightest suggestion that I might be a serial killer is a no-no in the loving stakes? *makes notes*.

[madwitch.livejournal.com]

Especially when this line is then followed by "just come upstairs with me for 5 minutes. Your friend can wait here."

I made Road Runner look slow.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

He didn't even have the imagination and panache to suggest that you both went with him?

[madwitch.livejournal.com]

Karolina was obviously not his type. I think he offered to bring her coffee whilst she waited.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

i can see her being very impressed by that.

[madwitch.livejournal.com]

She was as confused as me, I think. Thank god we'd sat outside and didn't have to worry about doors being locked on us.

It was the "just 5 minutes" thing that got me, too. We couldn't really communicate, so he obviously didn't want me to come upstairs and chat. Etchings (or whatever the French equivalent is) were probably involved, but FIVE MINUTES???

Even if he hadn't been a probable serial killer in training, why on earth am I going to run off with a man who has strongly implied that he's a 5 minute man from start to finish? I mean, really.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

"Et, madamoiselle, zet eencludes eating le pizza!"

[madwitch.livejournal.com]

I really should go comment on the website where I found the details of that restaurant.

"Food okay, fresh fruit juice delicious, waiter skeevy slimeball who tried to get me to come upstairs and see his collection of Lautrec postcards, but could only promise 5 minutes. 1 star."

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

"If it had been the entire afternoon, my trip to Paris would have been so very different."

[ditzy-pole.livejournal.com]

Yes, last time we're ever going to a restaurant *you* find online!

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

From now on you're only going to the restaurants where the waiters fancy you, right?

[ditzy-pole.livejournal.com]

Do they have to fancy anyone?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Well, me, if they're waitresses and feeling a bit desperate.

[madwitch.livejournal.com]

I CONCUR