Young love

[davywavy]

Something I had sent to me recently was A Guy's Guide To Not Getting It On (somewhat rude in parts and probably not work safe). I don't know why it was sent to me. Perhaps someone was trying to make a point or something. Who can say?
Reading it and the comments below it, it does somewhat beggar belief that men can be so astoundingly crass when trying to make a good enough impression that girls might see taking their clothes off as a good idea. I mean, I know us men can be - I certainly am - but having so many examples in close proximity just makes me cringe for my gender. Then again, knowing that so many men are witless and crass pleases me because that means there's just that much less competition in the market.

Having these guides of things not to say when trying to make that essential first impression is useful as it allows us to learn from the crippling, embarrassing mistakes of others. So, in a moment of gender equality and fairness, might I suggest:

Things for girls not to say on a first date:
1) "How much do you earn?"
2) "I'm an Aquarius, which means I'm a bit psychic".
3) "My parents didn't love me enough when I was little" (or any variation thereupon).
4) Anything about cats, especially:
i) Indicating that you own more than one cat,
ii) Suggesting that you like cats more than you do people,
iii) Suggesting that you think cats are in some way mystical or magical.
5) "I usually attract nutters and bastards, but you seem different"

So, question of the day: What's the worst thing anyone has ever said to you on a first date/whilst trying to chat you up. And what's the worst thing they could say?*

^{*Apart from "Hallo, I'm David", obviously.}

Comments

[madwitch.livejournal.com]

It was in Paris. A waiter had decided that Karo spoke more French than me, so was chatting me up through her. Seeing as her French is as rubbish as mine, this was amusing. But then...then he gave me his killer line, in his badly broken Engish.

"I'm single, you're single, I'm vegetarian, you're vegetarian, we could be dead tomorrow"

Never have I run so fast.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

So what you're saying is that the slightest suggestion that I might be a serial killer is a no-no in the loving stakes? *makes notes*.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Could you not at least have got a family recommendation to see if it would be worthwhile?

[madwitch.livejournal.com]

Especially when this line is then followed by "just come upstairs with me for 5 minutes. Your friend can wait here."

I made Road Runner look slow.

[(Anonymous)]

The blind date Isa once set me up with (just before she left to travel round the world) who told me he had "cured" the college lesbian by giving her a good seeing to ... and "cured" the woman who'd been raped & had hang-ups about men by giving her a good seeing to ... and "cured" the woman who was due to get married & was worried about being a virgin on her wedding night by ... well, you get the idea.

H

[gnommi.livejournal.com]

"we could try for sex but I have a really small penis so I'm not sure it would work"

[annwfyn.livejournal.com]

Not to me, but a friend of mine once did have a guy say, in all seriousness, that in case she was worried about pregnancy/birth control, he did have a very low sperm count and so was a good choice for casual sex.

Strangely, she declined his gracious offer.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I think that under the circumstances you'd've been justified in requesting their phone numbers so you could check.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

He didn't even have the imagination and panache to suggest that you both went with him?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Note to self: Honesty is not an attractive quality. Thanks!

[madwitch.livejournal.com]

Karolina was obviously not his type. I think he offered to bring her coffee whilst she waited.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

i can see her being very impressed by that.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Really? Have I ever met her? I'm sure I'd remember.

[gnommi.livejournal.com]

addendum: we did, it was, it didn't

[gnommi.livejournal.com]

i have also heard this line

[annwfyn.livejournal.com]

I don't know what scares me more - the thought that you met the same guy as my friend and he thinks it's a good line to repeat, or the thought that more than one man has ever said this.

[madwitch.livejournal.com]

She was as confused as me, I think. Thank god we'd sat outside and didn't have to worry about doors being locked on us.

It was the "just 5 minutes" thing that got me, too. We couldn't really communicate, so he obviously didn't want me to come upstairs and chat. Etchings (or whatever the French equivalent is) were probably involved, but FIVE MINUTES???

Even if he hadn't been a probable serial killer in training, why on earth am I going to run off with a man who has strongly implied that he's a 5 minute man from start to finish? I mean, really.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Well, a 100% failure rate has convinced me that it isn't worth a go. Thanks for the tip!

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Okay, so honesty is attarctive enough, but harsh, harsh reality intervenes.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

"Et, madamoiselle, zet eencludes eating le pizza!"

[calligrafiti.livejournal.com]

Off my comment that the restaurant he'd chosen was very good, "I like taking girls to really nice restaurants, because then they kinda have to put out."

My response: shove two twenties in his shirt pocket and leave.

[madwitch.livejournal.com]

I really should go comment on the website where I found the details of that restaurant.

"Food okay, fresh fruit juice delicious, waiter skeevy slimeball who tried to get me to come upstairs and see his collection of Lautrec postcards, but could only promise 5 minutes. 1 star."

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

There's a fine line between truthfulness and foolish honesty, and that's just...

I worry about others of my gender, I really do.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

"If it had been the entire afternoon, my trip to Paris would have been so very different."

[gnommi.livejournal.com]

yeah: very much a case of THE BEER GOGGLES, THEY ARE USELESS!