Let me eat cake.

[davywavy]

I don't know if you've ever been to Stroud in Gloucestershire, but according to those who know such things it is apparently the 'most alternative place in Britain'.
I'm never entirely sure what this means but I think it has something to do with outrageously high property prices, because whenever the word 'alternative' is used it's a pretty sure bet that there will be a lot of disposable income involved somewhere along the line as having your Chakras balanced doesn't come cheap. As it is, Stroud is an extremely pretty little town at the junction of five valleys, each of which is dotted with farmhouses built from local honey-coloured stone and seemingly entirely inhabited by the sort of person who made a packet as an oil trader for Trafigura before moving to the country and joining the Green Party. I was there last weekend.

I spent the afternoon wandering around the town with its farmers market and little second-hand bookshops and local museum and after a while I fancied a sit down and a cuppa so I wandered into an organic, fair-trade cooperative cafe.
It takes a certain sort of place to support organic, fair-trade cooperatives. Where I grew up in Doncaster the closest they have to that sort of thing is KFC, and this one didn't disappoint. On the community noticeboard at the door they not only had adverts for eight different yoga groups (including niche groups like yoga for pregnancy and yoga for toddlers*) but also, to my delight, a flyer for a 'men's encounter group run by Hugo and Swithin'**.

I took a seat and ordered a mug of Chinese Gunpowder tea*** whilst I browsed the menu, and as I read my eye lit upon the following dietary masterpiece - a macrobiotic, organic, gluten-free, sugar-free, dairy-free cake. I looked at it. It looked at me. I couldn't resist. I ordered a slice.

It looked like cake. It smelled kinda like cake. The texture was sort of cake-like, if very crumbly. However, it tasted like someone had taken a cake and sucked all the joy out of it. It was like a cake which had been attacked by a Dementor. I know some people have various food intolerances, but I have my suspicions that the primary market for such confections is people who want to eat cake but don't want to derive any pleasure from doing so beyond the pleasure of knowing they're healthier than Chelsea-bun gobbling oinkers like me. Beyond that, this was baking with no reason.
Anyway, I've learned my lesson. If you'll excuse me I'm off to eat a Crunchie, and then I'm going to the gym this evening to get rid of it again.



^{*But not Yoga for fat, sarcastic cynics, so my market isn't covered yet.
**I totally wish I could have gone to this. A men's encounter group run by Hugo and Swithin? That's comedy gold right there, ladies and gentlemen. Comedy Gold.
**Which doesn't contain any actual gunpowder, much to my dismay.}

Comments

[sherbetsaucers.livejournal.com]

Which doesn't contain any actual gunpowder, much to my dismay.

Indeed no, it simply looks a bit like gunpowder grains.

Interestingly, during the peninsular way, the British soldier generally kept tea in the same pouch they would keep gunpowder#, and so the tea got to actually have gunpowder in it, which was an acquired taste.

Gunpowder.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I'm thinking of its noted laxative qualities. I was planning to slip some to the she-David for a laugh.

[raggedhalo.livejournal.com]

I've been to Stroud, for work purposes. I didn't get the alternative vibe you describe, but if I'm there again I shall certainly look out for it.

the sort of person who made a packet as an oil trader for Trafigura before moving to the country and joining the Green Party

I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really hate that sort of person.

As an aside, I enjoy your Israeli-style strategically ambiguous policy of no swearing on your LJ. Perhaps you might benefit by actually making a statement of that sort somewhere? :-p

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Stoud is very much a two-tier community; there's the locals, for whom there's no work except at Waitrose, and there's the half-million-pound farmhouse crowd who've moved there and suddenly discovered an interest in crystals and rainbows. That said, there's a strong undercurrent of full-on self-sufficency anarchists, who I rather like.

Most people are well mannered enough not to have to be told about the no-naughty words policy :) Grim was the only person who'd ever broken it before, and he went off in a proper toys-out-of-pram sulk after about the third or fourth time I had to remind him. However, I shall alter my bio when I've got a second.

Re: Gunpowder.

[(Anonymous)]

Legend has it that the Wath scouts once put some gunpowder in the scoutmaster's tea and then locked him in the hut, which didn't have a WC.

H

Re: Gunpowder.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

True stories recount how Darren Robinson made a chocolate cake with nothing but laxative chocolate and then gave it to Mr. Bacon.

Re: Gunpowder.

[sherbetsaucers.livejournal.com]

Oh, you wag.

*Expletive Deleted*

[davegodfrey.livejournal.com]

I hadn't realised you had a no-swearing policy. But then I haven't had a reason to swear on here before. If I feel the need I'll just have to be imaginative. Which is considerably more fun.

[riksowden.livejournal.com]

There is a no swearing policy? I've never noticed!

Re: Gunpowder.

[riksowden.livejournal.com]

Oddly the toilets in the ECWS campsite after a battle can be popular!

Especially though it's the morning after...when the evening is on real ale.

We know how to live dangerously!

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

It's so rare anyone swears that I've almost never had to make an issue of it, especially since Grim threw a hissy fit and unfriended me. That boy has tourettes of the keyboard.

Re: *Expletive Deleted*

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Well, exactly! That said, if I can outrage people to the point of profanity I consider it a morngin well spent.

[riksowden.livejournal.com]

He surely does.

...I've been watching Deadwood recently and I'm pleased it hasn't led to potty finters ;)

Deadwood?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I've been meaning to pick that up. Is it any good?

Re: Deadwood?

[riksowden.livejournal.com]

It is very good. Very grim, very gritty and at times massively unpleasant.

I really like and enjoy it but there are very few likeable or sympathetic characters; the language, casual violence and prejudice and general feel of the thing isn't welcoming...but the story is immersive and it's well written, acted and shot/directed.

I would recommend it but not for everyone.

Re: Deadwood?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

One thing I liked about Rome (also by HBO) is that all the characters were massively unpleasant and often downright evil, but I still ended up liking them.

Re: Deadwood?

[riksowden.livejournal.com]

One of the main characters in Deadwood is Lovejoy but evil, old, sinister Lovejoy...it's even (kinda) the same sort of character... Very creepy!

[elbly.livejournal.com]

Went to Stroud once for a job interview - came away wondering how the heck I'd afford living in such a place, or near such a place and travelling to it, on the salary on offer.

Visited the co-op tea shop... avoided the vegan cakes...

All in all Stroud seemed nice enough, but it did largely seem to be "alternative because we can afford to be"

On another note - It is possible to make wheat-free/low-fat/low-calorie cake that tastes quite simply amazing, however it seems as though hippies LIKE their cake to taste of soullessness, I think it makes them feel good about being hippies.

[(Anonymous)]

Grim's unfriended you? When did this happen?

H

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Had you not noticed that the intelligence of comments had risen sharply lately?

A while ago. I asked him not to swear and he made a noise like next door's baby after a bad night and went off in a huff.

[(Anonymous)]

I know someone who works for the hospital there, and kinda epitomises the unthinking prius driving state cash sponge I hate.

Shame really, she has nice hooters.

[(Anonymous)]

It has just occurred to me that the gluten free cake could have been made instantly palatable, simply by soaking it liberally in rum

H

[(Anonymous)]

You must've taken it hard.

Re: Gunpowder.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I liven up funerals no end.

[(Anonymous)]

And then drizzling it with chocolate or perhaps fudge sauce? And throwing the cake away?