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How to write an LJ post like ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
grimjim
In line with puddingcat's "in the style of" idea...
Step 1: Start with an intemperate comment about something that you don’t specify. It may help if you use a rude word at this stage:
Example: “Well, I see the Bullshit has started again”
Step 2: Complain against fate:
Example: “Why does this always happen to me?”
Step 3: Identify people by their initials. It will make them immediately identifiable, but it allows you to hide behind the claim that you’re not really identifying them:
Example: "As usual it’s XQB and ZFJ screwing about again."
Step 4: If people disagree with you, criticise their intelligence – or suggest they’re on drugs. You are advised to ignore the possibility that other people may have different opinions to yourself or see the world differently from you for perfectly legitimate reasons:
Example: "The only possible explanation for them coming up with this one is that they’re whacked up on space dust, the morons."
Step 4a: Alternatively suggest people are motivated solely by spite, and that they actually have nothing better to do with their lives:
Example: "Of course, they’re only doing this because they hate me."
Step 5: Make a non-specific threat that you’ll never actually carry out. Try swearing again at this point; there’s nothing like a few naughty words to fill up space:
Example: "Well, if those fuckers think that I’ll stand for this they’ve got another think coming."
Step 6: Make a revolutionary prediction:
Example: "Things are going to change around here, and they’ll be the first against the wall"
Step 7: Sit back and wait for the comments asking what you’re talking about. Well done! You’ve made an intemperate and aggressive statement, and got lots of attention for it. Mission Accomplished!
puddingcat's "in the style of" idea...Step 1: Start with an intemperate comment about something that you don’t specify. It may help if you use a rude word at this stage:
Example: “Well, I see the Bullshit has started again”
Step 2: Complain against fate:
Example: “Why does this always happen to me?”
Step 3: Identify people by their initials. It will make them immediately identifiable, but it allows you to hide behind the claim that you’re not really identifying them:
Example: "As usual it’s XQB and ZFJ screwing about again."
Step 4: If people disagree with you, criticise their intelligence – or suggest they’re on drugs. You are advised to ignore the possibility that other people may have different opinions to yourself or see the world differently from you for perfectly legitimate reasons:
Example: "The only possible explanation for them coming up with this one is that they’re whacked up on space dust, the morons."
Step 4a: Alternatively suggest people are motivated solely by spite, and that they actually have nothing better to do with their lives:
Example: "Of course, they’re only doing this because they hate me."
Step 5: Make a non-specific threat that you’ll never actually carry out. Try swearing again at this point; there’s nothing like a few naughty words to fill up space:
Example: "Well, if those fuckers think that I’ll stand for this they’ve got another think coming."
Step 6: Make a revolutionary prediction:
Example: "Things are going to change around here, and they’ll be the first against the wall"
Step 7: Sit back and wait for the comments asking what you’re talking about. Well done! You’ve made an intemperate and aggressive statement, and got lots of attention for it. Mission Accomplished!
*Grin*
Re: *Grin*
Re: *Grin*
no subject
in a humourous way whilst taking the michael out of someone.
(hmm character assassination? maybe perhaps slightly - funny though - glad its not me...)
Made me laugh
no subject
Re:
and I'm sure it isn't however I'll never turn down the offer of drink
:-)
matt
Another tack on the same subject.
One day, he did something that most people think was fairly reasonable, but I didn't because he's a cock sucking wanker.
And then everything went really nasty and horrible.
no subject
For some reason none.
no subject
I need a bigger Smiley
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAA...
Oh, I needed a good laugh.
*wipes the tears away*
Re: I need a bigger Smiley
In order to be completely successful...
Here's some assistance.
Step 1
A lot of posts are intentionally obscure because otherwise tossers try to actually use them to do harm.
A better revision would be...
"Step One - Because some people are even pettier than yourself, though that beggars belief, start your comment with an outburst JUST slightly too obscure to get prosecuted/blamed/brought to book over"
Step two isn't a common one, and the answer is actually pretty simple "because people are still shitheads"
Step Three - Rather too similar to the revised step one and so unnecessary, cut it to keep things cutting.
The real reason is of course because the of the "people even pettier" comment, if you copy the phrasing of step one that could work as repetition can be humorous (The old one-two-three), the real reason of course is that JL is an evil bitch queen whore from hell.
Step 4 - Unless you're on a list of course, in which case utterly devastate their argument intellectually, LJ is for bitching.
However, we're trying to be critical and scathing here, so it's best to reflect the talent to take the wind out of people's sails in a bad way. Something like "Otherwise deliver an overblown page long diatribe with full use of the dictionary and thesaurus to confuse even those who might agree with you, if they understood the words you're using"
Rest is pretty much OK, but could do with being a little more accurate just to truly strike home.
Anyway, it's not entirely formulaic, the people required to be initialised have changed at least three times in 7 years :)