davywavy | Area satirical paper runs out of jokes, reprints least amusing.

Regular readers of The Onion might have noticed that the latest issue is comprised entirely of repeated material from a few years ago. In a spirit of idle irritation, I composed and sent their editorial staff the following mail.
I'll let you know if I get a reply.

Area satirical paper runs out of jokes, reprints least amusing.

Readers of the popular local periodical, The Onion, today registered shock and anger as they found their paper full of reprinted jokes from way back. Confused readers, at first assuming this was an editorial oversight, at first left the site for a few days to get it together before returning in the hope of finding new material.
However, there was none to find.
This is totally wack,” said regular reader David Wade. “I mean, how lame is this? If I can think of original spoof stories to mock them, you’d think they could come up with a few of their own to print. I mean, they’re paid to do so.”
As it is, Onion staffers remain unrepentant. A spokesman for proprietor and editor T Herman Zweibel countered Davids’ claims.
“Whilst we admit that the ‘pitiful little man promising solutions’ story wasn’t funny when we first ran it back in 2000, we feel that by re-running old stuff we can achieve massive benefits. Mainly to ourselves, as it allows us to lay off all our staff writers and draw a fat bonus check from our substantial ad revenues.”
Regular readers of the Onion are aware that the paper keeps all it’s funniest jokes in an archive section upon the website, rendering it impossible to reprint them and pretend they’re original material. So it is that weaker material, mostly garnered from the pages of the Onion collection “Tenth Circle…”, is being trotted out for a second showing.
Advertisers, however, remain sceptical about the move.
“By presenting our marketing message next to second-rate, recycled material, it puts us into a poor editorial environment,” said a spokesman for Miller Beer. “As an organisation with a definite brand identity and with a hefty marketing budget, we have a responsibility to be sure that we’re positioned as wisely as possible, and questions are being asked about our positioning next to a reprise of the ‘very special troops’ feature which wasn’t funny the first time around, never mind twice.”
Onion editorial staff are up in arms over the accusations that pieces such as the ‘male orgasm’ story aren’t funny. “Man, I was laughing into my mochaccino latte over that one,” said senior creative writer Justin DeLillo. “Just wait until next week. That’s when we’re re-running my ‘Starbucks taking over the world’ piece. It’ll be a laugh riot.”