davywavy | Scandal...

One of the many great things about having royalty is that we can have high-level scandals without there being any danger that the day-to-day running of the country will be even slightly affected by them. However, the papers seem to be full of royal sex scandals recently; much more so than usual, and one wonders f there is something going on. There have been injunctions and the like, but thanks to the internet it’s pretty easy to find out any stories if one is suitably interested, which is an opportunity that we didn’t have even a few years ago. I remember a German magazine printing semi-naked pictures of Prince Charles back in the 80’s which apparently showed him to have an very large penis (of course he has – he’s going to be King you dolts) – of course we in the UK never got to see them, but nowadays five minutes of Google would satisfy the salacious curiosity of the masses.
Travelling back from Yorkshire on Sunday night, I stopped off in WHSmith in Victoria and noticed that one of the lesser Sunday tabloids had a headline something like ‘Diana’s sex secrets’. Something in the back of my head, at about the evolved-from-a-lizard level, took a few steps forward and muttered ‘ug’ to itself as I set out to learn (Princess of Wales) Diana’s sex secrets before the conscious part of my brain reasserted control and I realised that I didn’t much care what the slightly sordid doings of a woman who I never met, dead these six years past, actually were. However, the instinctive reaction is curious, and I suppose that the majority of people – if the fact that this is put on the front page is any guide – are at the mercy of their hindbrain when it comes to a bit of saucy scandalmongering.
Of course, this got me to thinking; firstly, what business of mine is what went on in the Princess of Wales’ knickers (answer: none whatsoever), secondly, why would I be interested (answer: no particular reason; I very much doubt she did anything that unusual, and if I really want to see the extremes of human behaviour I reckon a polite phone call to

faerierhona for some contacts could get me well on the way to being involved in things that would make my eyes shoot from my head in shock) and thirdly, why anyone would be interested in knowing that Diana periodically wanted to go on top – or whatever her saucy secret was.
The answer to question three is of course the most interesting, as it comes down to society and socialisation, and atavistic ideas of women being expected to be in some way more pure and innocent than their menfolk. This, coupled with her fame, means that there is a proper little industry bubbling away around the contents of the late princess’ knickers as people seem to have an inexhaustible supply of moral outrage when it comes to famous women getting their jollies, It’s a sad indictment of the human race, and the evolved-from-a-lizard bits of their brains which many people seem unable to resist.
The latest piece of royal ‘scandal’ to pop out of the woodwork is an ‘accusation’ that Prince Charles ‘might’ be ‘bisexual’. Can I just see a quick show of hands to find out just how many people really give a damn if he is? Leaving aside the predictable phobic jokes about sitting uncomfortably upon the throne, I don’t really see what difference it makes what gets the heir apparent going after a few pints.
Part of me is faintly glad that all of this is eating up the front pages – it indicates that there is little enough real news in the world of any moment (meaning that few people are dying in spectacular ways, and the Venusians haven’t invaded), but I can’t help but wish that editors, and the people they write for, could find something of more moment to fascinate their fleeting attention spans.