The Post of Many Things.
Dec. 17th, 2003 03:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
davywavyWell, it’s been an active few days, so here’s a general catchup for all you David fans out there.
No rockworld whilst in Manchester, but a day or Christmas shopping (which degenerated into a trip to the Godiva and alcohol counters at Kendalls before lunch & home) leaving me with several more people to sort out presents for, and only next Tuesday to do it. As usual, it seems, my Christmas shopping will degenerate into scuttling about central London staring in panic at gaudy seasonal displays and wondering just what the Hell my sister’s new husband would like.
If you were my sister’s husband, what would you like? Strong tranquillisers? A Nags Bridle? A ducking stool? Earplugs? Gah, the difficulty of buying people things that they’ll like and find useful…
The first film of the weekend was ‘Timeline’, which I was shocked to realise was brought to us by the same director as ‘The Omen’, and ‘Superman’. Timeline, for those of you undecided as to whether you should go and see it, is rubbish. Whilst the production values are uniformly high, and to the modern eye they certainly seem to have got the look of much of mediaeval France about right (apart from peasants using horses rather than oxen as draft animals), the script and pacing of the film are unredeemingly execrable. As a film it could probably have done with perhaps another twenty minutes of running time in order for the amount of exposition required to come across realistically because as it is the whole set up of young archaeologists going back in time feels rushed and unbelievable at best. A fair summation of dialogue would be:
“Gosh, look, a note written by the professor and it is dated 1357!”
“it must be a prank on his part”
“No the professor would never carry out a prank. It is more likely he has travelled back in time”
“Yes. You are right. In that case we should do so also.”
“Yes. Off we go, then”
And off they go.
Not only is the dialogue wooden, but the plot has holes which you could drive a tram through without difficulty; for example, we learn that the more often one travels through time the more cellular damage one takes (because it’s like being faxed or photocopied. Through time. As a related note, I hear that they powered the cameras on the production by attaching a turbine to Einstein’s rapidly spinning corpse). If this is the case, why is it that one of the villains of the piece holds a grudge because he was abandoned back in time and can’t get home? Either he can use the time machine to get home, negating his exile, or he can’t because the damage will kill him . However, he seems motivated by both possibilities, alternating as it suits the script, and so any feeling of consistency is lost. Not that there was much in the first place.
Overall, the film seems unsure about the effects of time travel or it’s consequences. In the opening sequence we’re given a historical record as background which, when the characters get back in time, they both create and alter. You can’t have it both ways, but this film not only assumes you can, but it also assumes that the audience is so dumb they won’t notice. Avoid.
SWAT is a different kettle of fish entirely. In its way, it’s as insultingly unoriginal and stupid as Timeline, but it carries it off with a confidence and good humour that is so lacking in Timeline, which redeems it as entertainment - and highly enjoyable it is too. It has few, if any, original plot features: A group of Maverick Copstm who Don’t Do Things By The Booktm and are Ordered Off The Casetm by the Paper Pushing Chief Of Policetm who tells them if they screw up He’ll Have Their Badgestm. In spite all of this, it’s a film with an infectious charm and good-humoured acknowledgement of it’s own shortcomings, coupled with a witty script and charismatic cast (Sam Jackson, Michelle Rodriguez, LL Cool J, And Colin Farrell) who spark off each other likeably.
A film that reminded me of an ex-girlfriend of mine: no brain at all, but good company and well worth a fiver of anyones money for a couple of hours.
Watching Will & Grace and then The Osbournes two thoughts occurred to me. Firstly, how the two formats would mesh well into a single show, and secondly, how there isn’t a UK version.
In that light, I’d like to suggest “The Montgomerys”, a sitcom based upon the reality of![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ukmonty’s flatshare with the male half of jessandcraig. The pitch would be something along the lines of “A pervert (a shoe-in role for Bill Bailey) and a louche cross between terry-tomas and Basil Brush end up sharing a flat. In the first episode, Craig is mistaken for the guest of honour at a Star Trek Convention and can Monty resolve the situation? No, because he’s plastered. Hilarious consequences ensue.”
Ratings galore!
When I was in Mexico a few years ago, I took along a copy of Jules Vernes' "Journey to the centre of the Earth" as one of my books to read. This led to inevitable jokes with fellow travellers about how it was the trip I was planning 'for next year'. No longer a joke, it seems, as trips to the centre of the Earth are now available for as little as US$19,000.
No rockworld whilst in Manchester, but a day or Christmas shopping (which degenerated into a trip to the Godiva and alcohol counters at Kendalls before lunch & home) leaving me with several more people to sort out presents for, and only next Tuesday to do it. As usual, it seems, my Christmas shopping will degenerate into scuttling about central London staring in panic at gaudy seasonal displays and wondering just what the Hell my sister’s new husband would like.
If you were my sister’s husband, what would you like? Strong tranquillisers? A Nags Bridle? A ducking stool? Earplugs? Gah, the difficulty of buying people things that they’ll like and find useful…
The first film of the weekend was ‘Timeline’, which I was shocked to realise was brought to us by the same director as ‘The Omen’, and ‘Superman’. Timeline, for those of you undecided as to whether you should go and see it, is rubbish. Whilst the production values are uniformly high, and to the modern eye they certainly seem to have got the look of much of mediaeval France about right (apart from peasants using horses rather than oxen as draft animals), the script and pacing of the film are unredeemingly execrable. As a film it could probably have done with perhaps another twenty minutes of running time in order for the amount of exposition required to come across realistically because as it is the whole set up of young archaeologists going back in time feels rushed and unbelievable at best. A fair summation of dialogue would be:
“Gosh, look, a note written by the professor and it is dated 1357!”
“it must be a prank on his part”
“No the professor would never carry out a prank. It is more likely he has travelled back in time”
“Yes. You are right. In that case we should do so also.”
“Yes. Off we go, then”
And off they go.
Not only is the dialogue wooden, but the plot has holes which you could drive a tram through without difficulty; for example, we learn that the more often one travels through time the more cellular damage one takes (because it’s like being faxed or photocopied. Through time. As a related note, I hear that they powered the cameras on the production by attaching a turbine to Einstein’s rapidly spinning corpse). If this is the case, why is it that one of the villains of the piece holds a grudge because he was abandoned back in time and can’t get home? Either he can use the time machine to get home, negating his exile, or he can’t because the damage will kill him . However, he seems motivated by both possibilities, alternating as it suits the script, and so any feeling of consistency is lost. Not that there was much in the first place.
Overall, the film seems unsure about the effects of time travel or it’s consequences. In the opening sequence we’re given a historical record as background which, when the characters get back in time, they both create and alter. You can’t have it both ways, but this film not only assumes you can, but it also assumes that the audience is so dumb they won’t notice. Avoid.
SWAT is a different kettle of fish entirely. In its way, it’s as insultingly unoriginal and stupid as Timeline, but it carries it off with a confidence and good humour that is so lacking in Timeline, which redeems it as entertainment - and highly enjoyable it is too. It has few, if any, original plot features: A group of Maverick Copstm who Don’t Do Things By The Booktm and are Ordered Off The Casetm by the Paper Pushing Chief Of Policetm who tells them if they screw up He’ll Have Their Badgestm. In spite all of this, it’s a film with an infectious charm and good-humoured acknowledgement of it’s own shortcomings, coupled with a witty script and charismatic cast (Sam Jackson, Michelle Rodriguez, LL Cool J, And Colin Farrell) who spark off each other likeably.
A film that reminded me of an ex-girlfriend of mine: no brain at all, but good company and well worth a fiver of anyones money for a couple of hours.
Watching Will & Grace and then The Osbournes two thoughts occurred to me. Firstly, how the two formats would mesh well into a single show, and secondly, how there isn’t a UK version.
In that light, I’d like to suggest “The Montgomerys”, a sitcom based upon the reality of
ukmonty’s flatshare with the male half of jessandcraig. The pitch would be something along the lines of “A pervert (a shoe-in role for Bill Bailey) and a louche cross between terry-tomas and Basil Brush end up sharing a flat. In the first episode, Craig is mistaken for the guest of honour at a Star Trek Convention and can Monty resolve the situation? No, because he’s plastered. Hilarious consequences ensue.”Ratings galore!
When I was in Mexico a few years ago, I took along a copy of Jules Vernes' "Journey to the centre of the Earth" as one of my books to read. This led to inevitable jokes with fellow travellers about how it was the trip I was planning 'for next year'. No longer a joke, it seems, as trips to the centre of the Earth are now available for as little as US$19,000.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-12-17 08:28 am (UTC)*blinks*
Date: 2003-12-17 09:50 am (UTC)They seem to be serious. Still, they offer no guarantee that they find it in the first place, which is good.
Regarding Timeline, when I read the short blurb in a mag I thought that it could be bad in a good way or just bad. It turns out it's just bad. Good, another film off my possibly to watch list.
no subject
Date: 2003-12-17 12:49 pm (UTC)