Politically Incorrect Superheroes

[davywavy]

Ever since costumed heroes first started to appear in comics in the 1920's - 30's, for every Superman and Batman who has made it to the big time there have been many who have failed to really make the grade and who have since vanished into obscurity. Who now remembers Hour Man? Or The Tornado? Many of these superheroes have been forgotten not only because of unpopularity, but because they just don't fit in the modern world.

Today, I shall be looking at some of these politically incorrect superheroes.

Captain Capitalism
With his immaculately tailored cape, Captain Capitalism fought against the tyrannical forces of anti-globalism. His strip ran in the Wall Street Journal from 1995 until it was suddenly cancelled without explanation midway through the crash of 2001.
A typical strip would feature the Captain holding up a collapsing share price whilst panicky bankers escaped with their bonuses, or seeing off protestors outside Starbucks with a well aimed fist or twenty. His superpowers included the unusual ability to breath high-pressure freezing brine on striking Latin American factory workers.
Typical dialogue:
"Thanks, Captain, you've saved Western Civilisation"
"No need for thanks, just a cheque for $500,000".

Captain Klansman

With his natty white suit, Captain Klansman first appeared in Alabama Action Stories in 1931, and was an early contender for Supermans crown; as the Captain himself once said; "There's only room for one Ubermensch in the US of A!"
After several years of dishing out white justice, Alabama Action Stories was bought out by DC comics and Captain Klansman made comics history as the only person ever deliberately killed by Superman.
Sample dialogue:
Superman: "Normally I frown on murder, but people like you really piss me off."

The Spectacular Orange-Man
After finding a drum with astonishing powers inside a crashed UFO, young Fear-God Baines took up the fight for Truth, Justice, and an Ireland United Under British Rule. Astonshingly popular, Orange-Man appeared in the leading Protestant picture book for boys The Pope is the AntiChrist funnies for almost twenty years until the creator was murdered by the IRA.
Sample dialogue: "Never! Never! Never!"

Captain Ko'ran
More powerful than the great Satan! Capable of leaping through tall buildings with a single bound! Captain Ko'ran, intended to be Fundamentalisms answer to Superman with his populist war-cry of "Cover yourself modestly, you whore!", was originally slated to appear in the first issue of "Jyhad stories for boys". However, the Sharia council ruled his depiction was abhorrent, and so the presses were burned and the editor stoned to death by a mob in order to preserve public decency.

Captain Clearances
Appeared in DC Thompson (publisher of the Beano)'s short-lived rival comic magazine, The North Briton, or, The Duke of Cumberlands Paper for lads of stern upbringing. With his distinctive musket and red coat, Captain Clearances' heroic feats centred around saving Grouse Moors and removing unsightly crofters from view. As a minor historical footnote, the 'Lairds Champion', as he was known, was related to General Wade and therefore distantly to myself.


We should be grateful that the adventures of Captain Coprophilia (also known as the Tony Torpedo) have been lost to history.

So who is your favourite lost hero of yesteryear?

Comments

Ghulagotron

[inskauldrak.livejournal.com]

With his mighty powers to make people disappear he was the scourge of counter-revolutionary-capitalist-pig-dog-trotskyists everywhere. He was a regular feature in Collectivisation Chronicles until the collapse of the Soviet Union. At this point, the state printing house was privatised and his regular slot in the rebranded children's comic is now used to advertise Nike and other luxuries the readers can't afford.

Re: Ghulagotron

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Didn't they have a Ghulagotron fast-food chain at one point to cash in on the marketing opportunities? A bit like McDonalds, but the sign outside read "Over 20 million disappeared"?

Re: Ghulagotron

[inskauldrak.livejournal.com]

*laughs* yep, there were a range of Ghulagotron toys with the kids meals produced by the inmates, who were also used for the rest of the operation I think.

At least with them, the staff had a good reason for looking so miserable ; )

[puddingcat.livejournal.com]

The original CatWoman.

This one ate (half of) anything that stayed still, vomited behind the sofa and had a body hair problem.

I can't see why they revised her :)

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I used to go out with her.