American Statistics [2]

[davywavy]

According to the injuries list in the book of American statistics, every year 400,000 Americans are injured by "Beds, Bedding, and Coverings". These aren't trivial things; the almanac only lists injuries serious enough to occasion a trip to the hospital.
Now, when I go to the States, I tend to be leery of the fact that I'm twelve times more likely to be shot and five times more likely to be robbed or raped than I am at home. I look askance at the tommy-gun vending machines in schoolyards, wondering if it's such a great idea that escaped mental patients should have a constitutional right to own automatic weaponry. Danger, in the Americas, seems to surround me.
However, it's a real eye-opener to discover that every year one person in every 600 on the North American continent has to take a trip to the out-patients room after an incident involving their sheets and pillows.
When I'm in my hotel room there are rare occasions when I use my bed for the purpose it was intended for, but my behaviour may be modified by this piece of trivia. Had I known that my bed was not just apt to be dangerous but might even actively go for me, I might have been more circumspect in the past.
Reasoning that there is safety in numbers, from now on whenever I cross the Atlantic I'm going to be looking for people to share my bed. For safety reasons, obviously.

And that's my excuse.

Comments

[ukmonty.livejournal.com]

Still after that pass I see. Nice try this time though

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

It's a pretty good one, isn't it?

[the-mendicant.livejournal.com]

just watch out for the vibrating beds, I bet they account for a few statistics.

Now I think of it, a bed nearly killed one of my cats once.....

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Now I think of it, kikauyume and her bloke recently received injuries whilst in bed...

[the-mendicant.livejournal.com]

I frequently recieve minor injuries whilst in bed, but that's another story

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

See? They're deadly!

[karohemd.livejournal.com]

No, thanks.

[puddingcat.livejournal.com]

Gosh, of course you must share your bed with people!

Of course, to ensure maximum safety, those people must clearly have the maximum chance of being in contact with the dangerous end of the bed linen; otherwise, they could potentially leave the risky bits to you.

I reckon anyone over 15 stone should be safe. Anything could happen to you^* should you choose to disregard this carefully considered safety advice.


^* including being ritually damaged & embarrassed by your girlfriend.

[cloudwoman13.livejournal.com]

Being light is indeed dangerous, I once got flipped up in a pull down bed just like in the movies... forget bed safety preparations, we need to eat more!

[puddingcat.livejournal.com]

Gaffer tape. Gaffer tape solves everything. Gaffer tape the bed to the floor, the covers to the bed, and you / your errant boyfriend to the covers, and everything should be ok :)

(Hope it didn't hurt too much, btw)

[cloudwoman13.livejournal.com]

the pain was short- overthrown by a fit of laughter!

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

What about groups who add up to more than 15 stone?