Cross my palm with silver, dearie.

[davywavy]

We are very honoured today to have a special guest on my LJ - Gypsy Rose David, the world-famous fortune teller. Gypsy Rose David was born in the shadow of Egypt's great pyramid where he absorbed the powers of that ancient earth, he has told the fortunes of the crowned heads of Europe!*
By consulting the stars and spirits, possibly slaughtering a chicken, and sprinkling the results with a soupcon of economy with the actualite, Gypsy Rose David will now tell your fotune! Simply reply to our seer and press your palm against your screen so he can see your lines over the internet, and your destiny shall be revealed! Accuracy Guaranteed!**

^{*Crowned Heads not present at reading.
**We're not saying how much accuracy we're guaranteeing. And if you have any sense you won't ask.}

Comments

[sesquipedality.livejournal.com]

Please, what does the future hold in store for me, Gypsy Rose David?

[daegaer.livejournal.com]

Oh, Gypsy Rose, what does the future hold for me? *scans in a bright and shiny half-crown*

[cujosmurf.livejournal.com]

Heheh

Ohhh go on then. Read my fortune, Gypsy Rose David. :)

I hereby swear to be suitably impressed by the reading, even if not a grain of accuracy resides in it... etc etc

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Ooh, now hang on dearie, the mists are clearing...

I see you greeting and being suitably impressed by a tall, handsome yorkshireman in the classic rock room at Jillys the Saturday after next.

Also see a long journey, a tall dark stranger, and sudden wealth, but with any luck they'll be for me.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I shall gaze into the crystal and see what the mists reveal to me....

Oh, now I see...Oh, my God! With a Melon?!? Eugh! Not in the face! Not in the face! and now that's just..no! No! Not that!

Umm. Ahem. Er. Ah.

Sorry dear, I didn't see anything.

Purely out of polite interest, where do you live?
Oxford?
What a coincidence! I'll be somewhere else entirely.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

It's strange m'deario, as the mists do not reveal images to me of your future, merely words. So I cannot tell of the circumstances under which you will experience mighty ejaculations and people full of manly spunk. I just see them featuring in your future, perhaps more frequently than is strictly healthy.

[cujosmurf.livejournal.com]

I won't be at Jillys the Saturday after next :( Me and tabatha_yeddap are off out elsewhere (in Derby) that night.

Let me know the next time you're there though, and I'll give you a shout. :D Or did you mean some other tall handsome Yorkshireman?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

In my experience there is only one tall, handsome Yorkshireman, and I'm it.

However, who knows what the vaguaries of fate shall bring forth in 10 moons? You cannot argue with destiny!

[chrisvenus]

Hello seer. Read my fortune...

And I don't have to have my palm against hte screen until you reply do I? I'm already getting some funny looks from my work mates... I've taken the liberty of scanning in an image of my palm so that you may use that. I hope that it will be useful to you.

[riksowden.livejournal.com]

Oh Gypsie Moon David, what does the future hold for me?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I shall consult with my Red Indian Spirit Guide, Lying Weasel, and see what he tells me...Oh, Lying Weasel, what does the future hold for Rik?

I see... it is the future, and two men are going through the records of Births, Marriages and Deaths...one is holding up a piece of paper and he appears to be very happy. He is showing it to the other man and he laughs.
I see it is a biorth certificate, and it shows that Rik Sowden was born in...No! It cannot be! It says upon it...Lancashire!

It is your destiny, son. You can't fight it.

[riksowden.livejournal.com]

Aiiee!

*kills self to spare family the shame*

[hobbsthepenguin.livejournal.com]

Do me do me!

this sounds wrong ;)

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

However, it matches my vision of the future remarkably well.

Should I say that somewhere the wench can see?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Ah...your life line is long, impressive line of the heart...howeevre, most interesting are your well developed Evil Genius Line and prominent Mound of Global Conquest. Whilst I see a long and glorious future for you, I see little enough of that for other people when you get going.

Any chance of a job, before it is too late?

[twicedead.livejournal.com]

Gypsy Rose David. I've got my palm pressed against the screen and all the silver I own is being sent to you right now! Tell me the future, oh mistress of the fifth sense.

[elethiomel.livejournal.com]

Oh wise and powerful seer, what does the future hold for me?

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Oh Gypsy Rose David, please reveal unto me the mysteries beyond the veil with your second, third and yea, forth sight beyond sight.
For your information, my bloodtype is O RH positive, I wear a size seven shoe and I was born on the same day as Al Capone.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Righto, love. eeeh, what a lovely accent you have. Foreign are you?
Your ancestors were ciminals, you say. Well, now the mists are clearing and the message from Lying Weasel is coming through loud and clear, I hear that ain't nothing to what your descendants were going to be.

'Were going to be', you ask?

Well, yes. I'm just glad that I foresaw this before you came in and put some radioactive isotopes in the chair you're sitting on.

[daegaer.livejournal.com]

Good Lord, it's all true. no sooner had I read of your premonitions than two young men in rather old-fashioned clothing turned up at my door. They ejaculated at each other for an embarrassingly long time. Other than that, they seemed like a very pleasant couple of manly fellows.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm glad to hear they were so full of spunk.

[the-mendicant.livejournal.com]

Oh Gypsy Rose David, for the sake of our common Romany and mystic ancestry give me a straight and true reading. What does the future have in store for Robin's wench?

my blood group is Bpositive, I have size 6 feet and I share my birtdate with Noel Edmunds - other vital statistics you will have to divine for yourself ;-)

[twicedead.livejournal.com]

Oh dear.

You've just activated the eternal wrath of Mrs TwiceDead.

Run, Gypsy Rose David, run!

And these isotopes make me feel warm and glowy inside.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Ha! Well, she doesn't want to know what the future holds for her.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I have a strong premonition that you're never going to reply to that email about Jillys I sent you over a week ago...

But wait...the spirits speak again! They say "Don't walk under any pianos suspended above the pavement."
I wonder what that might mean? Hang on, I'll ask Lying Weasel for more...

Oh.
Eugh.
I'd take their advice, if I were you.