Cross my palm with silver, dearie.

[davywavy]

We are very honoured today to have a special guest on my LJ - Gypsy Rose David, the world-famous fortune teller. Gypsy Rose David was born in the shadow of Egypt's great pyramid where he absorbed the powers of that ancient earth, he has told the fortunes of the crowned heads of Europe!*
By consulting the stars and spirits, possibly slaughtering a chicken, and sprinkling the results with a soupcon of economy with the actualite, Gypsy Rose David will now tell your fotune! Simply reply to our seer and press your palm against your screen so he can see your lines over the internet, and your destiny shall be revealed! Accuracy Guaranteed!**

^{*Crowned Heads not present at reading.
**We're not saying how much accuracy we're guaranteeing. And if you have any sense you won't ask.}

Comments

[sesquipedality.livejournal.com]

Please, what does the future hold in store for me, Gypsy Rose David?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I shall gaze into the crystal and see what the mists reveal to me....

Oh, now I see...Oh, my God! With a Melon?!? Eugh! Not in the face! Not in the face! and now that's just..no! No! Not that!

Umm. Ahem. Er. Ah.

Sorry dear, I didn't see anything.

Purely out of polite interest, where do you live?
Oxford?
What a coincidence! I'll be somewhere else entirely.

[daegaer.livejournal.com]

Oh, Gypsy Rose, what does the future hold for me? *scans in a bright and shiny half-crown*

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

It's strange m'deario, as the mists do not reveal images to me of your future, merely words. So I cannot tell of the circumstances under which you will experience mighty ejaculations and people full of manly spunk. I just see them featuring in your future, perhaps more frequently than is strictly healthy.

[cujosmurf.livejournal.com]

Heheh

Ohhh go on then. Read my fortune, Gypsy Rose David. :)

I hereby swear to be suitably impressed by the reading, even if not a grain of accuracy resides in it... etc etc

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Ooh, now hang on dearie, the mists are clearing...

I see you greeting and being suitably impressed by a tall, handsome yorkshireman in the classic rock room at Jillys the Saturday after next.

Also see a long journey, a tall dark stranger, and sudden wealth, but with any luck they'll be for me.

[chrisvenus]

Hello seer. Read my fortune...

And I don't have to have my palm against hte screen until you reply do I? I'm already getting some funny looks from my work mates... I've taken the liberty of scanning in an image of my palm so that you may use that. I hope that it will be useful to you.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Ah...your life line is long, impressive line of the heart...howeevre, most interesting are your well developed Evil Genius Line and prominent Mound of Global Conquest. Whilst I see a long and glorious future for you, I see little enough of that for other people when you get going.

Any chance of a job, before it is too late?

[riksowden.livejournal.com]

Oh Gypsie Moon David, what does the future hold for me?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I shall consult with my Red Indian Spirit Guide, Lying Weasel, and see what he tells me...Oh, Lying Weasel, what does the future hold for Rik?

I see... it is the future, and two men are going through the records of Births, Marriages and Deaths...one is holding up a piece of paper and he appears to be very happy. He is showing it to the other man and he laughs.
I see it is a biorth certificate, and it shows that Rik Sowden was born in...No! It cannot be! It says upon it...Lancashire!

It is your destiny, son. You can't fight it.

[hobbsthepenguin.livejournal.com]

Do me do me!

this sounds wrong ;)

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

However, it matches my vision of the future remarkably well.

Should I say that somewhere the wench can see?

[twicedead.livejournal.com]

Gypsy Rose David. I've got my palm pressed against the screen and all the silver I own is being sent to you right now! Tell me the future, oh mistress of the fifth sense.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Righto, love. eeeh, what a lovely accent you have. Foreign are you?
Your ancestors were ciminals, you say. Well, now the mists are clearing and the message from Lying Weasel is coming through loud and clear, I hear that ain't nothing to what your descendants were going to be.

'Were going to be', you ask?

Well, yes. I'm just glad that I foresaw this before you came in and put some radioactive isotopes in the chair you're sitting on.

[elethiomel.livejournal.com]

Oh wise and powerful seer, what does the future hold for me?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Lopping the head off a chicken (that's my dinner sorted), the entrails tell me much that is interesting about your destiny.

Ooooh, that's unfortunate, dearie.
For your sake, I hope you like Flying Saucers and anal probes. If not, you're going to have plenty of oppotunities to devel a taste for them.

Oh, and your lucky numbers are 4, 17, 23, 35, 36, and 41 and the thunderball is 7.

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

Oh Gypsy Rose David, please reveal unto me the mysteries beyond the veil with your second, third and yea, forth sight beyond sight.
For your information, my bloodtype is O RH positive, I wear a size seven shoe and I was born on the same day as Al Capone.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I have a strong premonition that you're never going to reply to that email about Jillys I sent you over a week ago...

But wait...the spirits speak again! They say "Don't walk under any pianos suspended above the pavement."
I wonder what that might mean? Hang on, I'll ask Lying Weasel for more...

Oh.
Eugh.
I'd take their advice, if I were you.

[the-mendicant.livejournal.com]

Oh Gypsy Rose David, for the sake of our common Romany and mystic ancestry give me a straight and true reading. What does the future have in store for Robin's wench?

my blood group is Bpositive, I have size 6 feet and I share my birtdate with Noel Edmunds - other vital statistics you will have to divine for yourself ;-)

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Verily...the mists clear and I see myself getting a bloodied nose trying to find out your other statistics for myself.

And then...the mists roll in and part once more, and I see you being reunited with your spiritual twin, Noel Edmunds - the two of you of one flesh! presenting an early evening Saturday TV show with Robin dressed as the mascot, comedy giant penguin 'Mr. Frolicky'.

And then, mercifully, the mists roll in once more.

Hockum!

[ukmonty.livejournal.com]

Ok Itinerant fortube reader, whats in store for me?

(arart from the obvious regret that have just given you an "opportunity" to say something....)

Re: Hockum!

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I forsee you just asking for trouble.

Oh, hang on, that was about five minutes ago, when you pressed 'send'.

[rosamicula.livejournal.com]

I'm next! Size 4 feet and the same birthday as Caligula...

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I shall gaze into my crystal and see what the future holds for you, dearie...

Well, now...I see you spending many years avoiding tall, handsome Yorkshiremen in person, all the while preening yourself intellectually at them on the internet. Funnily, I can't see you getting any more modest no matter how far into the future the spirits let me see.

Your lucky numbers are 12, 17, 22, 24, 35 and 36, and your lucky colour is blue. You should avoid conversing with teenagers at all costs.

[tzel.livejournal.com]

OH Great and Mystic Gypsy Rose David, what does the future hold in store for me?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Once again the mists clear to reveal you taking an awful and bloody vengeance upon your foes, most particularly your regional manager. Good heavens...you've stuck a digital camera where?

Well, I suppose the pictures will help them find his head.

[derekct.livejournal.com]

OH Great and Mystic Gypsy Rose David, what does the future hold in store for me? Hands over lots of shiny coins.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

As I sit here gazing into my crystal abll, the mists begin to clear...and I see you gazing into window, through which you can see a lady undressing! Good heavens...and then...Lordy me! And she's doing what? My goodness!

It's like Robin Asquith in Confessions of a Postman in there. I think I need a cold shower.

[ex-boog351.livejournal.com]

And what, praytell, does the future hold for me?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Ah...Lying Weasel speaks to me from beyond the veil. Neil! he cries. Neil! Give David your money or the vengeance of the sprits shall be upon you!

Well, can't argue with that. The spirits won't be denied, love. they're buggers when riled.

Lucky white heather?

[sea-cucumber.livejournal.com]

Oh great and mystical mystic, what does the future hold for me? (and don't worry I already know about the impending apocalypse!)

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I see a sad, sad funeral cortege...you die, my dear, of a terrible bouncing and plotting related accident.

I would cross your palm with silver...

[lanfykins.livejournal.com]

...but your palm isn't here, so I crossed mine instead. I hope that's all right.

Re: I would cross your palm with silver...

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Now then deario, you should know better than to make fun of a poor, blind old Gypsy women with 14 kids on income support. Hand over the cash or I'll curse you to bear no children and die by drowning.

[karohemd.livejournal.com]

OH Great and Mystic Gypsy Rose David, what does the future hold in store for me?
*clink*

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Ie shall gaze meaningfully at teh stars for a moment before telling you that Pluto is in Uranus and Disneys lawyers want a word.

I forsee a fulfilling and well paid job in germany, and girl and...some nutella? Oh, no, that can't can't possibly be right.

[inskauldrak.livejournal.com]

Oh wise Gypsy Rose David, what does the future hold for me?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

The spirits give me a metaphorical image, dearie. You are standing on a beach, shoutihng at the tide 'Go back! Go back!', until finally a great wave sweeps over you, leaving you unharmed. Suddenly you realise that not only can you breathe water, you actually prefer it.

I wonder what that could mean?

[puddingcat.livejournal.com]

Oooh, what's my fortune, Gypsy Rose David? I was born 3 years before Elvis died, you know, and the last internet test I did told me I was Evil Edna!

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Now then me deario...the mists part and reveal hitherto unsen mysteries. Have you a young gentleman in your life? You do? Thought so? The spirits say you aren't putting out enough.
Oh, and what's this? The Red Bull Flugtag? Something about you needing to get on with doing something about that?

Oh...and the spirits show me something very interesting in your future. But they say I'm not allowed to tell you what.

[(Anonymous)]

Dear Gypsy Rose David,

My girlfriend says all this is rubbish - but what would she know? I'm shagging her sister AND her mom and she has no clue.

So help me convince her?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Dear Anonymous.

Without the spirits knowing who you are so they can run a google search on you, the mists remain clouded.
However, your present sounds oddly like my past, and so I can confidently predict big trouble for you just around the corner.