It's like Hogwarts, only better.

[davywavy]

In a contemplative mood earlier, I was drawn to considering my friends list and the people upon it and it struck me just how many people of avowed socialistic principles list me as a friend, despite my carpet-chewing right wing nature. This contemplation left me thinking; this world contains far too many left-wing do-gooders, like raggedhalo, and inskauldrak, and not enough right–wing do-badders, like me.
It struck me that without active efforts to retain the ancient art of right-wing do-baddery, this honourable tradition might die out entirely – and it would be a terrible, terrible loss to future generations to be denied my wisdom. As such, I have decided to form a school: David’s School of Despotism and Demogoguery. Pupils would come to this school to learn to the finer arts of taking over small nations and turning them into economic powerhouses, primed and ready to invade France the neighbours.
In this light, I have written a small prospectus, with which I hope to entice my first pupils:

DAVID’S SCHOOL OF DESPOTISM AND DEMOGOGUERY
A progressive establishment.

Uniform: David’s is a traditional establishment, and uniforms for both male and female pupils shall be worn at all times. Shirts shall be brown or black, jodhpurs and shiny boots are required to be worn on school premises at all times. Boys shall wear the school cap (peaked).

Curriculum:
History: “1979 – 1991: A golden age?”
English: No other languages shall be taught.
Economics: “The workers: a fractious but necessary resource”
Drama: David’s is pleased to teach the “Sturm und Drang” school of public speaking.
Biology: David’s offers a varied curriculum, teaching students of any colour and race that theirs is the superior people.
Physical Education: A strict regiment of physical exercises, cold showers, and lengthy runs shall be enforced, sometimes at random.
Politics: Confounding their politics, frustrating their knavish tricks.
Oratory: Pupils shall be taught to enunciate “Socialist Scum! Nothing can save you now!”, and really sound the S’s.
Religious Education: God is on our side. No matter which side.

Discipline: David’s believes that discipline is necessary to the growing child, and so the cane, the slipper and the Gulag are applied to pupils as necessary. Bullying is encouraged.

Testimonials:

“I really thought they were out to get me, before I took David’s correspondence course. Now they’re dead. “ Robert Mugabe.

“Thanks, David! Now I have my people in fear of my secret police day and night!” Fidel Castro.

“Thanks to David, my people believe that I cause the sun to rise in the morning and that I have walked upon the moon.” Kim Jong-il.

“I want my money back:” Nicolae Caeucescu

Comments

[faerierhona.livejournal.com]

so it's an extreme BDSM school then?

Oh - and because I don't think the bits that AREN'T BDSM are good for us all, I am now going to go and organise a demonstration. Beware - SOCIALIST GOTHS know your phone number

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

A good thrashing never hurt anybody. Except me.

I can think of few worse groups that socialist goths to know my phone number. Although them knowing where I lived would be worse.

[faerierhona.livejournal.com]

I can get that information too.

Wonder how fast I can get a demonstration going?

Ah. Bugger. It's goths. Your school will be celebrating it's 5th Anniversary by then!

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Perhaps I could add "Cat herding" to the curriculum?

[faerierhona.livejournal.com]

cunning - organise the protests against yourself...

[sea-cucumber.livejournal.com]

*grin*
I say, sounds like jolly good fun!

History: “1979 – 1991: A golden age?”

Indeed.

[vierkilau.livejournal.com]

Can I sign up. I might be a lefty who knows the difference between right and wrong (my way or the other way) but would still appreciate some good old discipline

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Don't worry, we'll soon beat the leftiness out of you.
Run around the playing fields until you learn to despise the pernicious and harmful lies of socialism! Run, boy, run!

[reddragdiva]

No German? How can you train a despot without German?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

We considered German but on examining the evidence history suggests that whislt their enthusiasm for world domination cannot be doubted, they've always been lacking in the execution.

[stickette.livejournal.com]

I am with faerierhona on this but I especially like the sound of the uniform. You wouldn't happen to be producing a prospectus with pics of any former students in them? Or even better (house) Masters complete with their canes? I am sure that would assist you enormously with recruitment...

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Naturally, I wield the cane personally. The picture from teh prospectuis may be found here: http://www.stcustards.free-online.co.uk/heads/pic11.htm

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

and here: http://www.stcustards.free-online.co.uk/heads/pic13.htm

[stickette.livejournal.com]

...but then again, maybe not!

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I would recommend Molesworth. I recommend it to everyone, it being genius and all.

[jessworld.livejournal.com]

David - I thought that's what Sandhurst was for.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Damnit, she has a point.

In that case, I shall compete on price rather than quality. Cut-price dictators for me only.

[jessworld.livejournal.com]

You could always compete on age. Start a nursery for aspiring dictators with morning star rattles, teething rings with ivory handles made from the bones of the fallen socialists, that sort of thing.

Oh and just think you may even meet eligible dictator sidekicks, or be able to train ranks of your own personal sycophants.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I have ranks of sycophants. They're called my friends list. However, a nubile young dictator with a thing for PVC...now you're talking.

[ukmonty.livejournal.com]

I thought That was Andy Davis?

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Good lord, where did the tator come from?

[ukmonty.livejournal.com]

Oh, can you give Jess abell pls

[colin-boyle.livejournal.com]

I hope you are going to have an annual Prize-giving ceremony - a fine tradition that inspires the competitive spirit amongst the pupils. I would suggest the following for a start:
The Sir Oswald Ernald Mosley Prize for work in the community
The Dr Mengele Prize for Best Biology Experiment
The Lavrenty Beria Award for Most Pupils Reported to the Headmaster

And as conventional academic achievement is not the main focus of the school, but one must have standards, the ceremony could finish with the summary execution of the worst student of the year.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

What a good idea! Do you want a job?

[colin-boyle.livejournal.com]

Dave - you know me, I only do consultancy, not real work. I'll happily help you define your performance measures (average age of graduate on first coup attempt, body count per graduate etc.) and come back a year after opening to help you make some performance improvements (driving down ancillary staff costs through use of slavery or similar), but, no, I'll have to pass on actual full-time employment.