Blunkett quits; socialists inconsolable.

[davywavy]

Left-wingers up and down the land were in mourning last night after the resignation of David Blunkett as Home Secretary. The announcement came in a sparsely-worded statement from Downing Street, indicating that, whilst most polititians quit to "spend more time with their family", Mister Blunkett was quitting with the intention of spending more time with somebody else's.
Mister Blunkett has had the support of both Labour voters and MPs for his unswerving devotion to basic Socialist principles whilst he was in office; Tony Blair personally paid tribute to Blunkett's dedication to the principles of imprisonment without trial. "Throughout the world, Socialist governments have been banging people up without trials for years and it's worked really well for them", said Blair. "For example, Robert Mugabe has had some people locked up for more than a decade just because he says they're terrorists, and he's a Marxist. As socialists, that's the sort of example that we hope to follow."
On the same lines, Blunkett was firmly in favour of removing the right of trial by jury in what were deemed 'difficult' cases. "The last thing the government of this country wants", said Blunkett in 2002, "is for the people to actually have to think about things. Just because the common-law right of trial by Jury has been in place for more than a thousand years it doesn't mean that it should continue. In situations where people actually have to concentrate or take some form of responsibility, it's established Labour policy that the state should do it for them. We wouldn't want people to actually have to, you know, think. If they start doing that, they might start asking difficult questions about our manifesto pledges to reduce taxes."
Rabid, loony-right commentators have at times offered criticism of Blunketts so-called further erosion of common law. Under common law, it is established legal precedent that anything not specifically prohibited by law is legal. However, more extreme right-wingers have pointed out that introducing measures like compulsory identity cards reverses this ancient right.
"That's nonsense", announced Downing Street. "For too long have the people of this country thought that the state was answerable to them, which is plainly silly. Just because the population elects us, that doesn't mean that we should do as they say. If anything, quite the opposite. David Blunkett was simply reinforcing this basic government position."
As a result of Blunkett's resignation, many Labour voters are now despairing over their chances of having a proper socialist policy network pushed through the Home Office. Lifelong Labour voter Dave Spart had the following to say: "All my life I've voyted Labour and dreamed of a nation where common law would be repealed, there'd be no absolute right of trial by jury, and people with towels on their heads who spoke some funny foreign jibber-jabber could be banged up for life without right of appeal just on the government's say-so. Just when we get a Socialist government minister who looked like they'd do something about these flagrant miscarriages of natural justice, he goes and starts shagging some Right-winger and it all goes to pot. What will we do now? Thankfully, Tony Blair is still in power."

However, not everyone had good things to say about David Blunkett. The author of this column has often commented upon Blunketts unswerving support of Tony Blair's campaign to take over a sovereign nation without the first clue of what to do with it once he'd won.
And then he went and did the same in Iraq. You'd've hope he would have learned, wouldn't you?

Comments

[the-epicurean.livejournal.com]

I secretly think Blunkett's resigned, so he can raise an army and take the country in a spectacular military coup, and keep us all under his command in a Mugabe styleee... He'd be perfect for it. Have you seen the fella, shifty eyes!! Never trust a man with a dog and shifty eyes my nanna told me, and she should know!!

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

Let it never be said that he lacks vision.

[the-epicurean.livejournal.com]

indeed. who needs eyes when you have foresight!! He'll be butchering us all before the new years in!

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

There's a precedent

[the-epicurean.livejournal.com]

I spoke to blunkett's dog the other day, he told me that he get's The Onion in Braille form, and that's where he got the idea. He also said he was a bit worried about his owner taking over the world, but that he was assured he'd get all the meat and bones he would ever need! From those pesky socialists! MooooohhhhhhhaaaaahhhhhhH!!

[robinbloke.livejournal.com]

I missed that one, thats fantastic :)