Boogie-woogie fever

To robinbloke, karohemd, puddingcat, the_mendicant, and really anyone else who may be interested.

Rockworld, Manchester, Saturday May 22nd, anyone?
Robin - I know you calendared it. Still mad fer it, 'avin' it laaaarge in Manchestooor?

American statistics [1]

Thanks to modern market research techniques, it is now possible to really judge what people really think. US-based market research company Widgery & Company has done that, and found out just what issues weigh most heavily upon the minds of the citizens of the world's most powerful nation.


70% of American women have never had an emotionally satisfying relationship with a Republican.

In the last year, 36% of Americans have chanted “We’re number one!”. Only 22% of Bush voters have chanted “We’re number one!”

39% of Americans believe that guns ‘are not as dangerous as they say’.

98% of Bush voters believe they will never know ‘just what Victorias Secret is’.

88% of Bush voters ‘have no idea what rappers are talking about’.

34% of Americans who voted in the last election believe that “Forrest Gump” is a documentary.

37% of Americans say they would hate being British but would like a British accent.

17% of American college graduates would punch themselves really hard in the face for $50.

If Jesus came back and saw that Pat Robertson is now his spokesman, 46% of Americans think we’d be in really big trouble.

26% of American gun owners feel that the second amendment protects their right to buy explosive fertiliser.

28% of Americans think that the USA’s high-tech military equipment is too expensive to risk in combat.

One third of American women thought that Baseball was more exciting during the players strike.

14% of Americans agree that Puerto Rico should not become the 51st state because ‘the extra star would make the flag look untidy.’

David gets kultchered.

Every week, The Spectator Magazine runs a competition which is usually fairly literary; writing pastiche prose of some variety is the norm. The competition in the latest issue was the write a music hall song about King Louis XIV, and that’s the usual sort of thing – an odd juxtaposition of ideas. I usually make a game stab at entering, and sister and I have occasionally won, but a music hall song about Louis the XIV escaped me. After a promising start (to the tune of ‘My old man, said follow the van’):
Louis the roi
Said ‘”L’etat, c’est moi

It kinda puttered out as an idea, and, as Louis XVI was the revolutionary king, I couldn’t even include the line:
Orf went the tumbril wiv the nobs packed in it
Which was quite a disappointment to me.

Then we got to (the tune of "I'm 'enry the Eighth I am, I am"):
Je suis Louis le Quatorze, Louis le Quatorze je suis, je suis
'er indoors'll tell you 'er old man's
Plus epatant que le Treize ou Quinze
I can state for definite
Que chacun de mes subjets croit
Le soleil shines out mon derriere
Louis le Quatorze, c'est moi

However, one positive benefit that this poetic endeavor had was to get me thinking about poetry, and to realize that whilst everyone talks about Iambic Pentameter, I, like most people, hadn’t a clue what it was. So I looked it up, and found out that it’s a poetical form with five Iambs to the line.
Which probably means little enough to you, end even less to me. However, not to be downhearted I persevered and learned more and, with a confident spring, I decided to test my newfound knowledge and write some Iambic Pentameter. Picking randomly for a subject, I struck upon Troy and the Iliad. It was the first thing into my head, and all that demonstrates is that my subconscious really doesn’t like me.
Still, not bad for a first effort, I think. Opens well and gets weaker, but I’m quite pleased.

The song of Agamemnon and Achilles.

I called your name and asked your trust in war
I sang of long forgot allegiance mine
You took your sword and gave your word to me
But I was not to be denied in love
And took to bed Briseis your concubine
Then Gods avenged on me the theft of thine
Honour’s just claws demand a price be paid
And Zeus withholds his spear from us until
Demands of sullied honour are obeyed

To raise the anger of our men and set
Their spears at foemans armoured breast I gave
The call that all may leave. In hope that brave
Aegean men have steel inside their hearts
Reject my words and press the fight instead.
Flying war, seeking home they turned their ships
Towards the distant shore of Greece and fled
But stood forth brave Odysseus who cried for peace
And told the tale of ten long years of war.

Twenty lines is quite enough of that, thank you very much.