Jul. 14th, 2004

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In a contemplative mood earlier, I was drawn to considering my friends list and the people upon it and it struck me just how many people of avowed socialistic principles list me as a friend, despite my carpet-chewing right wing nature. This contemplation left me thinking; this world contains far too many left-wing do-gooders, like [livejournal.com profile] raggedhalo, and [livejournal.com profile] inskauldrak, and not enough right–wing do-badders, like me.
It struck me that without active efforts to retain the ancient art of right-wing do-baddery, this honourable tradition might die out entirely – and it would be a terrible, terrible loss to future generations to be denied my wisdom. As such, I have decided to form a school: David’s School of Despotism and Demogoguery. Pupils would come to this school to learn to the finer arts of taking over small nations and turning them into economic powerhouses, primed and ready to invade France the neighbours.
In this light, I have written a small prospectus, with which I hope to entice my first pupils:

DAVID’S SCHOOL OF DESPOTISM AND DEMOGOGUERY
A progressive establishment.

Uniform: David’s is a traditional establishment, and uniforms for both male and female pupils shall be worn at all times. Shirts shall be brown or black, jodhpurs and shiny boots are required to be worn on school premises at all times. Boys shall wear the school cap (peaked).

Curriculum:
History: “1979 – 1991: A golden age?”
English: No other languages shall be taught.
Economics: “The workers: a fractious but necessary resource”
Drama: David’s is pleased to teach the “Sturm und Drang” school of public speaking.
Biology: David’s offers a varied curriculum, teaching students of any colour and race that theirs is the superior people.
Physical Education: A strict regiment of physical exercises, cold showers, and lengthy runs shall be enforced, sometimes at random.
Politics: Confounding their politics, frustrating their knavish tricks.
Oratory: Pupils shall be taught to enunciate “Socialist Scum! Nothing can save you now!”, and really sound the S’s.
Religious Education: God is on our side. No matter which side.

Discipline: David’s believes that discipline is necessary to the growing child, and so the cane, the slipper and the Gulag are applied to pupils as necessary. Bullying is encouraged.

Testimonials:

“I really thought they were out to get me, before I took David’s correspondence course. Now they’re dead. “ Robert Mugabe.

“Thanks, David! Now I have my people in fear of my secret police day and night!” Fidel Castro.

“Thanks to David, my people believe that I cause the sun to rise in the morning and that I have walked upon the moon.” Kim Jong-il.

“I want my money back:” Nicolae Caeucescu

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