In nomine patris, and all that jazz

Seeing as it's Friday, and everyone skives on Friday, I thought I'd convert to the Holy Church of Rome for the day. Not only that, but I've also joined the College of Cardinals, The Priory of Sion, the Jesuits, Opus Dei and The Inquisition.
Why have I done this, you ask? It's so I can bring spiritual succour to you lot.

That's right. For today only, I'm offering Father David's Discount Confessional. Confess to me your sins, and I shall give you a penance. Once you've confessed your sins, why not confess some other people's to me as well? I can guarantee that the sanctity of the confessional will be observed*.
Just think. If you're hit by a bus on the way home tonight, thanks to Father David's Discount Confessional, you'll be free of sin and guaranteed a place upstairs.

Right. Who's first?

^{*And I don't reckon anyone really reads my comments list, so you'll be fine. Don't worry.}