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There's a piece which does the rounds of the internet every so often which offers to explain economic/governmental forms with cattle - "Democracy - you have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk', that sort of thing.
You know it? Good. Here's some more.
Israeli Democracy: You have one cow. The Palestinians have the other, but God told you it was yours.
Palestinian Democracy: You have one cow. The Israelis have the other, but God told you it was yours.
NHS Economics: You have two cows. You fire your vet to hire a cow management expert.
Keynesian economics: You have two cows. You deregulate the cattle market so anyone can be involved in cow ownership, and then sell them into the market.
Twenty years later, the market owns forty cows, generating you eight cows a year in tax revenue. The Guardian tells you this is a bad thing.
Blairite Socialism: You own two cows. Without looking at them, the government tells you they have foot and mouth and shoots them. Six years later, you are still waiting to be compensated for the destruction of your perfectly healthy livestock
Swedish Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes one off you and sterilises it as unfit.
Indian Democracy: In Hindu India, the cows own you.
Brownite economics: You have two cows. The government takes one off you to give to someone else. In the six months it takes to complete the statutory Cow Ownership (Redistribution) forms, the cow dies. The population of cows halves and the government proudly claims to have reduced inequalities in cow ownership by 50%.
John Prescott: You have two cows. You have sex with one and eat the other. You resent the fact that the press calls you ‘two cows’.
EU Economics: You have no cows, but claim subsidies for ten. Nobody says anything as they’re all doing the same.
Thatcherite economics: You own a cow mine. When you point out that this produces no cows at enormous cost and shut it, people complain.
Jackie Chan: You have two cows. Falling foul of the Yakuza, you use them as nunchaku.
Zimbabwean Democracy: You have two cows. You kill and eat them, and then claim that the British are to blame for your lack of cattle.
North Korean Juche: You have no cows, but if the Americans don’t give you some soon you’ll nuke Seoul.
Local Authority Economics: You have two cows. You hire a Rainbow Ungulate Outreach Worker to build bridges between cows and sheep, build a bovine sports centre and talk to unelected spokesbulls about the needs of the bovine community. You pay someone £70kpa to change the bulbs in the cowshed even when they don’t do it. The cows are not expected to contribute in any way.
You know it? Good. Here's some more.
Israeli Democracy: You have one cow. The Palestinians have the other, but God told you it was yours.
Palestinian Democracy: You have one cow. The Israelis have the other, but God told you it was yours.
NHS Economics: You have two cows. You fire your vet to hire a cow management expert.
Keynesian economics: You have two cows. You deregulate the cattle market so anyone can be involved in cow ownership, and then sell them into the market.
Twenty years later, the market owns forty cows, generating you eight cows a year in tax revenue. The Guardian tells you this is a bad thing.
Blairite Socialism: You own two cows. Without looking at them, the government tells you they have foot and mouth and shoots them. Six years later, you are still waiting to be compensated for the destruction of your perfectly healthy livestock
Swedish Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes one off you and sterilises it as unfit.
Indian Democracy: In Hindu India, the cows own you.
Brownite economics: You have two cows. The government takes one off you to give to someone else. In the six months it takes to complete the statutory Cow Ownership (Redistribution) forms, the cow dies. The population of cows halves and the government proudly claims to have reduced inequalities in cow ownership by 50%.
John Prescott: You have two cows. You have sex with one and eat the other. You resent the fact that the press calls you ‘two cows’.
EU Economics: You have no cows, but claim subsidies for ten. Nobody says anything as they’re all doing the same.
Thatcherite economics: You own a cow mine. When you point out that this produces no cows at enormous cost and shut it, people complain.
Jackie Chan: You have two cows. Falling foul of the Yakuza, you use them as nunchaku.
Zimbabwean Democracy: You have two cows. You kill and eat them, and then claim that the British are to blame for your lack of cattle.
North Korean Juche: You have no cows, but if the Americans don’t give you some soon you’ll nuke Seoul.
Local Authority Economics: You have two cows. You hire a Rainbow Ungulate Outreach Worker to build bridges between cows and sheep, build a bovine sports centre and talk to unelected spokesbulls about the needs of the bovine community. You pay someone £70kpa to change the bulbs in the cowshed even when they don’t do it. The cows are not expected to contribute in any way.
