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Star Wars remakes
Feb. 19th, 2007 09:41 amIn recent years Hollywood has become so bereft of creativity that a lot of creative energy has gone into remaking or 're-imagining' classics and not-so-classics of yore. Starsky and Hutch, The hills have eyes, Planet of the Apes, tworemakes of Dawn of the Dead and more all clutter up television and cinemas in the place of anything actually new.
It's only a matter of time before Star Wars gets the remake treatment.
Muppet Star Wars
A film I genuinely believe should be made – a shot-for-shot remake of the original Star Wars with the muppets. When you think about it, it pretty much writes itself; Kermit as Luke, Gonzo as Han, Fozzie as Chewie, Miss Piggy as Leia, The American Eagle as Tarkin, one of the two old men as Obi-Wan. Plus Beaker and Bunsen as R2 and 3PO, obviously. And, finally, as Muppet films always have a solitary actual person in them, they could get Dave Prowse back as Vader.
Really, the only reason I can think of that this film hasn’t been made is that Henson and Lucasfilm can’t come to terms, as it’d be a) hilarious and b) a license to print money.
And if they made Muppet Empire Strikes Back, they could use the original Yoda puppet for double the postmodern ironic comedy credibility! Really, I can’t see how this would lose.
Carry on Alderaan!
When member of the young farmers Luke (Jim Dale) and his pal, interstellar truck driver Sid Solo (Sid James) decide to take Sid’s girlfriend Leia (Barbara Windsor) on holiday to a nudist camp on Alderaan (run by Obi “wanker” Nobi (Terry Scott)), hilarious consequences ensure! Evil property developer Tarkin (Kenneth Williams) and his brutish sidekick Vader (Bernard Bresslaw) want to raze the site for their own nefarious purposes! When Tarkin takes a shine to Leia and whisks her away to woo her, Luke and Sid turn into heroes to get her back. Throw into the mix a pair of robots – peeping tom C-3PO (Charles Hawtrey) and helpful R2D2 (Hattie Jacques) – you’re guaranteed over an hour of non-stop laughs in this classic 1970’s British comedy!
Classic dialogue:
Luke: Why is he called Obi ‘Wanker’ Nobi?
Sid: So would you be if you ran a nudist camp! Na-a-a-a-a
Leia: Oh, Sid, you are naughty!
Luke: He’s heading for that small moon
Sid: I’ll show ‘im a bigger one! (Drops trousers)
Leia: Oh, Sid, you are naughty!
Luke: I got one! I got one!
Sid: Me too kid, but mine’s bigger – na-a-a-a-a
Leia: Oh, Sid, you are naughty!
The Jerry Bruckheimer post 9-11 remake
Rookie new York cop Luke "Sky" Walker must team up with grizzled old timer Hans ("I don't have a partner, I work solo") and his comedy St Bernard 'Chewie' to foil a plan by Islamic terrorists Muhammad Tarkhaan and Dareth al-Fadr to destroy the entire world omg!.
Infiltrating the 'Death mosque' disguised as muslims, Luke and Han must rescue Black African Princess Leia from a fate worse than death - arranged marriage to an Imam!
Suitable for children of all ages. Shown with a short recruitment film for the US Marine Corps.
It's only a matter of time before Star Wars gets the remake treatment.
Muppet Star Wars
A film I genuinely believe should be made – a shot-for-shot remake of the original Star Wars with the muppets. When you think about it, it pretty much writes itself; Kermit as Luke, Gonzo as Han, Fozzie as Chewie, Miss Piggy as Leia, The American Eagle as Tarkin, one of the two old men as Obi-Wan. Plus Beaker and Bunsen as R2 and 3PO, obviously. And, finally, as Muppet films always have a solitary actual person in them, they could get Dave Prowse back as Vader.
Really, the only reason I can think of that this film hasn’t been made is that Henson and Lucasfilm can’t come to terms, as it’d be a) hilarious and b) a license to print money.
And if they made Muppet Empire Strikes Back, they could use the original Yoda puppet for double the postmodern ironic comedy credibility! Really, I can’t see how this would lose.
Carry on Alderaan!
When member of the young farmers Luke (Jim Dale) and his pal, interstellar truck driver Sid Solo (Sid James) decide to take Sid’s girlfriend Leia (Barbara Windsor) on holiday to a nudist camp on Alderaan (run by Obi “wanker” Nobi (Terry Scott)), hilarious consequences ensure! Evil property developer Tarkin (Kenneth Williams) and his brutish sidekick Vader (Bernard Bresslaw) want to raze the site for their own nefarious purposes! When Tarkin takes a shine to Leia and whisks her away to woo her, Luke and Sid turn into heroes to get her back. Throw into the mix a pair of robots – peeping tom C-3PO (Charles Hawtrey) and helpful R2D2 (Hattie Jacques) – you’re guaranteed over an hour of non-stop laughs in this classic 1970’s British comedy!
Classic dialogue:
Luke: Why is he called Obi ‘Wanker’ Nobi?
Sid: So would you be if you ran a nudist camp! Na-a-a-a-a
Leia: Oh, Sid, you are naughty!
Luke: He’s heading for that small moon
Sid: I’ll show ‘im a bigger one! (Drops trousers)
Leia: Oh, Sid, you are naughty!
Luke: I got one! I got one!
Sid: Me too kid, but mine’s bigger – na-a-a-a-a
Leia: Oh, Sid, you are naughty!
The Jerry Bruckheimer post 9-11 remake
Rookie new York cop Luke "Sky" Walker must team up with grizzled old timer Hans ("I don't have a partner, I work solo") and his comedy St Bernard 'Chewie' to foil a plan by Islamic terrorists Muhammad Tarkhaan and Dareth al-Fadr to destroy the entire world omg!.
Infiltrating the 'Death mosque' disguised as muslims, Luke and Han must rescue Black African Princess Leia from a fate worse than death - arranged marriage to an Imam!
Suitable for children of all ages. Shown with a short recruitment film for the US Marine Corps.
