Feb. 20th, 2007

davywavy: (Blofeld)
Blofeld: You heard me correctly, Mr. Brown. Unless you pay me one million pounds by midnight, I shall detonate my atom bomb, obliterating London and killing millions. Ha ha ha! Ha ha haaaa ha ha ha ha!
Brown: This would be the atom bomb that ye stole, the noo?
Blofeld: Yes, but I don’t see what that has to do with-
Brown: So the million would be fully subject to capital gains at forty percent, aye?
Blofeld: What?!
Brown: And that base o’ evil I can see behind ye on your viewscreen? Has it been assessed fer business rates?
Blofeld: Ah...um...Enterprise zone?
Brown: Aye, I thought not. That’s another nine percent on top o’that.
Blofeld: You misunderstand me Mr. Brown. The one million is non-negotiab–
Brown: Aye. And that army of jumpsuit clad goons. Have ye been making employers National Insurance contributions on their pay? I doot it! Another eleven percent.
Blofeld: Now just wait a minute!
Brown: And that silo must’ve cost ye a fair few bawbees an’ no mistake – but ye’ve never submitted a tax return! So there’s a mandatory one hundred poond fine plus interest for each return not submitted on time. Not to mention the fine for not submitting a formal planning application.
Blofeld: Now I’m sure we can talk about this like sensible –
Brown: And no VAT returns neither! Another seventeen point five percent! Aye, it's a rod fer yer own back ye've made here, Blofeld.
Blofeld: But –
Brown: So, by my calculation that million poonds comes to two hundred and twenty thousand, nine hundred poonds and fifty pence.
Blofeld: You make me angry Mr. Brown!
Brown: Less corporation tax at nineteen percent.
Blofeld: What the?!
Brown: And then there’s income tax at another forty percent. Och! That’s one hundred and six thousand, nine hundred and twenty poonds left.
Blofeld: Your last chance, Brown! Pay the million or-
Brown: And those rickety gantries behind ye look like a clear breach o' European Health and Safety regulations! There's a statutory fine to pay ye know!
Blofeld: Right! That does it! London burns! [Presses button].
Brown: Och! Setting off a thermonuclear device! Ye’ve just incurred a charge under the climate change levy! Hallo? Hallo?
davywavy: (Default)
I seem to have become an uncle again.

With any luck I'll be a wicked uncle, but I'll settle for just being a bad influence.

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